I've had my fun here, I actually update my MSN space so if you want a fix of random angry nerd chatter go here to my blog that owns face
13 years agojtman
So how many of you like drinking...right not many cause most of you are 14 and borderline retarded. For the rest of you If you ever want to get good and plastered I recommend the House MD Drinking game. All you need is the series House on DVD some freinds and Alot of beer. The game has two difficulties normal and hardcore extreme. Normal is quite simple, Every time someone says a medical term you do not understand you take a drink. One drink permedical term! not one drink per big group of medical terms. If someone calls you on a term (that you did not drink for) and you cannot define it, you take two drinks; if however you can define it they take two drinks. Now for Hardcore the Extreme version, which got me drunk in all of a half hour. Every time house says something sarcastic you take a drink...thats one drink per sentence. I have never seen anyone make it through more than 2 episodes of hardcore.
13 years agojtman
After the hardcore academic ass kicking I gave this place last term I'm surprised they let me come back. Actually its pretty sweet thanks to last terms marks (3.6 baby!) I only need to maintain B- average this term to get into the business Faculty. This means I get to slack something feirce...which is awsome. Cause if theres one thing that I am good at its putting in the minimum amount of work required to get the desired result. The holidays were pretty nice too, I went on a drunken ski trip (the best kind) and got a crash course in minivan repair, on the side of the highway no less. Other than that everything is good...which makes me suspicous and leads me to think that I am currently being plotted against.
13 years agojtman
So yeah I'm usually a pretty big underachiever, yeah I know its shocking but true, anyways this year to get into the faculty of bussiness (cause I ran screaming from computer science once I realized the monster it truly is) I had to maintian a GPA of 3.2. This is quite a challenge for someone who has never gotten above a 2.3, so I tried this studying thing that everyone keeps talking about. Anyways long story short I worked my ass off and got a 3.6 - I think the red team put it best when they said "Owned fucking owned, I saw that owned!" Anyways I'm so happy I thought I would share this with the random assortment of people who read this crap I write. I'm still reasonably sure most of you are 14 and borderline retarded, but just in case all of your aren't I put in the "random" so I can delude myself into thinking I'm nice. speaking of mental defficiency I'm going on a drunken and ski trip for the next 8 days.
13 years agojtman
I'm a cynical and hateful person, but even I have to humbled once in a while, so here are a list of poeple who humble me,
1. Chuck Norris
why? you ask, well here are a few reasons.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or
dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon,
since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes
it to Oregon before you.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage..
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
6. ChuckNorris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just
bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says,
"I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil,
who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
9. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more
than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris
as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and
could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show,
however, so it was divided.
10. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen jealous of
Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck
omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related
11. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.
12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few
seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife
asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and
said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
14. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
16. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
17. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shat on their floor, just
because he's Chuck Norris.
18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with
five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to
limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of
the actors he fights.
19. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.",
then you are dead wrong.
20. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris
having sex with Conan's wife.
21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
22. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have
a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the piss out of viruses.
That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
23. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can
"accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
24. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor
wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
26. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact
27. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
28. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning?
It was more "humane".
29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.
30. Hellen Kellar's favorite color is Chuck Norris
-for the record I didn't make these things, just found them in my inbox, if they offend you I don't care
13 years agojtman
as a result of the aformentioned title I have decided to release my tenious grasp on sanity and just have a good time. So naturally I'm plotting to destroy the world, now I realize this isn't going to be as easy as other things I've destroyed...such as my roomate's self esteem or my any chance I had with that girl I knew, I'm hoping that with hard work and percervierance I can pull this off.
Like most do it yourself projects the 1st step to destroying the world will be to research the aformentioned subject. Much like car repair and lottery rigging there are few decent books on the subject. So I decided to get one on a subject that could prove useful to my project
with the knowledge of these "lasers" I will be able to assemble a machine capable of producing a "ray" that will cause much "death"...I shall call it a super-fun-happy-ray (let go of tedious grip remember!) and with the awsome might of my super-fun-happy-ray none shall oppose me and my world destroying ways!!
-you all have a good day now!
13 years agojtman
I'll write about something somewhat more meaningful later...
13 years agojtman
Its not often I decide to write a review something, I mean lets face it most reviewers are pompus jackasses who enjoy flaunting they're unorignal opinions around like a (insert meaningful similie here...I'm not a goddamn english major!) anyways I digress. The reason I'm writing this for the benifit of all mankind, thats right I'm being noble. Anyways after a night of
heavy drinkingerr socializing, I sat down with my fellow floormates and they decided to watch a movie called scream 3. I've seen bad movies before, they piss me off they get me down but when I saw this part of my fucking soul died! I mean honestly I just sat there dumbfounded thinking this was all some sort of joke you know like scary movie. But it wasn't, it just kept going like a demented circus of bad acting and low production values with cameo's by porn stars (and even they weren't acting they're best!). Anyways to summarize my point avoid this movie at all costs, and if you do somehow get sealed in a room with poeple who are hell bent on viewing it you may want to consider gouging your eyes out or somthing (just a thought).
On a completly different note go see Serenity it is a movie that doesn't suck, - Consider my opnion flaunted
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