jujubees831

Female
from Citrus Heights, CA

  • Activity

    • Love

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      sit in my room

      slam my head on the wall

      why am i so stupid

      why do i always fall

      for the wrong ones

      for all theyre lies

      the ones who make me upset

      who bring tears to my eyes

      it always ends up the same

      why dont i see

      its never real

      never meant to be

      its never gonna work

      or ever turn out right

      its just gonna end

      in a big messy fight

      true love doent exist

      its all just one big lie

      theyre all the same

      they'll make u cry

      for endless days

      they'll make it hurt

      they'll leave u stranded

      like worthless dirt

      it took me so long

      just to realize it

      but now im done

      not dealing with this shit

      no more pain

      no more guys

      im not believing

      all of theyre lies


      ****************************************************************



      Friday, May 12, 2006

      Im Sorry. So Very, Very Sorry


      im sorry im not wat u expected



      or wat wanted me to be



      im sorry im not good enough



      when im just being me



      im sorry im not a genius



      or even half as smart



      but it doesnt mean im retarded



      im just following my heart



      im sorry im not "cool"



      i dont act how u want me to



      im sorry i wont do stupid shit



      just to try and impress you



      im sorry im not popular



      or pretty enough to be seen



      i dont have the most popular boyfriend



      but at least he is not mean



      im sorry im so invisible



      cuz im not gorgeous like the rest



      but im still pretty on the inside



      even if im not the best



      im sorry im not like "them"



      im sorry i dont fit in



      im sorry that i dont look the same



      or that im not as thin



      im sorry if u dont accept me



      im sorry im not perfect



      but im not changing myself



      or trying to conform



      cuz i wont be like anyone else



      i am different



      i am me



      and im not sorry to say



      thats all i will ever be


      **********************************************************************



      Wednesday, May 03, 2006

      i just dont even know anymore


      i dont kno if its real

      i dont kno how i feel

      i think im going insane.

      i dont kno wat to think at all

      i need someone to catch me

      when i start to fall

      i cant tell wats truth

      from wat is lies

      they cant see the pain

      hidden in my eyes

      the tears stream down

      moist on my cheek

      people think im lame

      they think im weak

      the world, its always

      trying to bring me down

      turning my smile

      into a frown

      im trying to stay happy

      tryin to keep my cool

      but i keep screwing up

      and looking like a fool

      i need some one to help

      i dont kno wat to do

      i need someone to care

      and to love me too




    • Hi<333

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      Amelia would like some mods and pic and/or journal comments i will return the favor.
      thanxxxx<333
      <3Amelia

    • Sexxxyyyyy!!!!<333

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      someone plz comment my pics. thanx veryy much darlings lol. and if u would like read my poems kk. thanxxxx bye byeez
      Amelia<3s u

    • poems

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      you gave me a hope
      you gave me a dream
      made me feel things
      i'd never even seen

      then one terrible day
      a day ill never forget
      you took it all away
      and left me with regret

      Falling falling
      falling so free
      my whole world's crumbling
      since the day you left me

      i am so empty
      cant find my soul
      no one can replace you
      to come make me whole

      i feel like crying
      because the world's not fair
      and i think im dying
      because you're not here

      im so lost
      and nothing feels right
      i souldnt be here
      and wont live past tonight

      you dont want me in your life
      so heres your wish
      once i drop the knife
      i will be lifeless

      im sorry, so sorry
      it must end this way
      sorry, so sorry
      but the price i will pay

      Goodbye Goodbye
      Goodbye Forever
      will you ever see me again?
      No. Never, Never.

      this is it
      the story ends here
      this close to death
      never been so near

      but dont you worry
      wont even shed a tear
      and dont even wonder
      why i felt no fear

      Goodbye Goodbye
      Goodbye to you
      i will never ever
      Get over you


      ******************************************************************************

      new poem!!!!


      she sits alone in the corner
      and hides her pretty face
      she watches you beating her mommy
      and knowns its such a disgrace

      she loves you so much
      eventhough you bring teror
      shes careful of her actions
      because one slip, one error

      would bring on the beating
      would bring out the pain
      theres no end, no defeating
      the endles reign

      Why cant u listen
      she just wants you to stop
      but in the end
      she will come out on top

      not playing no more
      its not a fun game
      she will win it this time
      her demons will be tame

      time for the final round
      she needs this reality
      to be safe and sound
      to keep her sanity

      the bell has rung
      its time to fight
      no more beating my mommy
      No. not after tonight




    • NEW!!!

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      this is my best poem so far i think...


      a little girl the age of eight
      all in her life wasnt so great

      her name was Rivers Briana Lee
      wat a blessing she was, her parents did not see

      each and every night
      they wouldnt cease to scream and fight

      her daddy was a drunken pig
      who didnt want her mom to live

      and her mommy was a sick coke whore
      who loved little Rivers no more, no more

      he's drunk again, another fight
      and Rivers knew it just wasnt right

      So in her room she went to cry
      while knowing soon her mom might die

      Coming from the kitchen she heard the shot
      in only if only her mom had fought

      so she cried some more the tearrs were hot
      but was Rivers afraid? No, i think not

      Now here comes daddy into the room
      gripping the wooden handle of a broom

      River curls into a fetal position
      a half hour later she's in terrible condition

      later daddy's watching his favorite show
      and of Rivers' plan he does not know

      She sneaks into the room, gun in hand
      pulls the trigger quick, before he can stand

      Picks up the phone dials 911
      its over now, no more fun

      hiding in the closet on the highest shelf
      she then turns the shotgun right to herself

      its over now, no need to run











    • 3 NEW POEMS!!!!!!

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      you think you know me but you dont


      look at her happy face
      so soft and full of grace

      its an illusion, not real
      she pretends how she wants to feel

      look into her sad eyes
      that is where true pain lies

      its all just a game
      not doing it for fame

      just wanna be accepted
      dont need to be protected

      she has so many friends
      until the fun dream ends

      she wants it to be true
      but no one loves her but you

      everyone thinks they know her
      but its not true for sure

      all they see is the smile, how fake
      how could they make that mistake

      on the inside shes crying
      while shes clowly dieing

      you loved her so
      but u let her go

      now just wait for fate
      get her before its too late



      *****************************************************

      Moving on.....


      too much pain
      nothing to gain

      dont wanna live
      nothing to give

      so much hate
      its gotta be fate

      times running out
      just wanna shout

      why cant i leave
      theres no repreive

      no room to fly
      just wanna die

      no more messing around
      ive hit bottom ground

      lifes so messesd up
      just gonna give up

      good luck is gone
      moving on

      its over now
      dont know how
      but lifes over now



      ****************************************


      i miss you...


      One day we're together
      the next day we're not
      dont kno why
      but im so distraught

      i knew i'd miss you
      didnt think it would be this bad
      not sure why
      but i feel terribly sad

      you told me you loved me
      i thought that you cared
      guess it was never real
      that bond we had shared

      Dont wanna remember you
      but dont wanna forget
      the choices i made
      i now regret

      cant have you back
      wanna see you again
      this pain in my heart
      nothing can mend

      now i realize
      it time to move on
      although its tough
      life must go on




    • just to let u kno

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      i write all the poems that i have posted so far so yea...

    • poems

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      PAiN


      i cry and cry
      to ease the pain
      it doesnt stop
      the unending reign

      if only there was
      a special remedy
      to make life better
      to set me free

      wishing i could
      make it all go away
      as i wander the streets
      like a homeless stray

      too many problems
      all good things gone
      nothing left in life
      cant even move on

      looking towards
      the firery gates of hell
      if im going there
      no one cares, oh well

      if i only had
      something to live for
      then i wouldnt be here
      knockin on heavens door

      how did i get here
      with all this sin
      wanna live in heaven
      God wont let me in

      down to the depths off hell
      quickly i decend
      my last prayer said
      this is how it did end





      *********************************************************


      suicide


      i wish i may
      i wish i might
      lie bleeding today
      and die tonight

      the pain intense
      the wounds too deep
      i fall into
      a deadly sleep

      she comes into the room
      with a look of disdain
      then weeps for me
      for all my pain

      i wish i could just go back
      but its too late
      this terrible tradgedy
      must have been fate

      the stains on the floor
      too deep a red
      the blood stained carpet
      cant get it outta ur head

      now its over
      life has reached its end
      so sorry to hurt u
      my forever best friend


      ******************************************************


      we all make mistakes


      forget about the past
      just make this moment last

      take another drink
      love drains down the sink

      dont stop to think
      im lost and on the brink

      on the edge of disaster
      just keep tumbling faster

      too many problems
      cant even stop 'em

      need ur love, ur touch
      why do i love u so much?

      dont even kno why
      but all i do is cry

      wishing and waiting
      please stop the hating

      i cont belive its over
      dont wanna believe its over

      cant find someone new
      dont wanna forget u

      dont u even know
      how i feel so low?

      just want a fresh start
      come and mend my heart


      *****************************************************


      new poem!!!


      soak it all in kerosene
      forget what happens at the scene

      light the match and run like hell
      and if they get hurt, oh well oh well

      they never loved u anyway
      they hurt u day after day

      after its over its time to run
      and dont forget bring daddy's gun

      is it wrong to teach a lesson
      it wasnt revenge just simple aggression

      dont kno where ur going now
      just have to get away somehow

      Where is it safe for u to go
      of all ur secrets, what will they know

      you made this mess all on ur own
      or cuz the voices; in ur head they drone

      you should think before you act
      now face the consequences, the impact

      its all your fault u cant go back
      Sorry son u made a pact


      *******************************************************************



      Friday, March 10, 2006

      new poem...


      So sick of all the lies
      Tired of the wandering eyes

      Not putting on the fake smile
      No more of all the guile

      Cant keep pretending
      Dont want life early ending

      Feeling so cold
      Let darkness unfold

      No time to worry
      Tell the untold story

      Please dont misconstrue
      the words im telling u

      I just want u to listen and care
      to understand and be there

      You never knew
      but what im saying is true

      Cant forget the past
      Dont want these memories to last

      Why cant it all just fade away?
      God help me heal today

      I just want to be free
      Just let me be
      Let me be me


      ****************************************************************



      Thursday, March 09, 2006

      if you wait forever life passes u by


      day after day
      i waited and waited
      alone in the dark
      as life slowy abated

      seven long months
      of hopeful dispair
      never got what i wanted
      yet i pretend not to care

      my love for you
      as strong as it was
      couldnt survive
      what time and space does

      i tried so hard
      gave it my best
      guess it wasnt true
      it couldnt pass the test

      if only, if only
      u could've been here
      we might've made it
      my love, my dear


      ********************************************************


      No i didnt really kill anyone...


      A dark stormy night
      what disastrous delight

      Cold hard rain falls down
      murky black puddles mask the ground

      Shadowy clouds loom
      as thunder booms

      and to my great liking
      harsh lightning is striking

      it's deathly lonely
      living things around, i am the only

      roaming the desolate street
      no truth to be found, only deceit

      a tough fight on the inside
      im i my adversary? what did i decide?

      how long was it to find
      that my own enemy was my mind

      if i had thought with my heart
      i wouldnt have torn u apart

      im so sorry my friend
      for your life i did end

      im so sorry my friend
      i didnt think til the end

      so sorry my friend
      so sorry my friend





      *************************************************


      Love is Life<3


      life is so lonely
      you are my only

      my darling, my lover
      wat a beauty did i discover

      your marvelous eyes
      oh how they hypnotize

      by your love im set free
      and with u i want to be

      when i think of you
      i know that its true

      you make me feel so alive
      like i can do watever i strive

      im so in love
      ur God's ift from above

      your my reason for living
      so take all the love im giving

      i love u with all my heart
      without im torn apart

      i hope u feel how i do
      cuz i cant live without u



      ***************************************************



      Monday, March 06, 2006

      Life is a Bitch but is Death any Better??(just wrote this in band class today)


      The pain
      it hurts too bad
      The rain
      Falls cold and sad
      Lonliness
      Filling up my life
      Darkness
      Just suffering and strife
      The words
      tear me apart
      A Dagger
      Right through the heart
      Fighting
      Wont make it better
      Death
      No Goodbye letter
      Happiness
      Nowhere to be found
      Gone
      Left without a sound
      Relief
      A strange feeling
      It's over
      Time for healing





    • if u have no life...

      13 years ago

      jujubees831

      like me lol
      then read all my journal entries..

  • About Me

  • Comments (12)

    • MstrChfWnnaB

      10 years ago

      u gotta nice taste in music

    • SenorTaco69

      12 years ago

      wat up. how u been?

    • LoneLegendX

      13 years ago

      *************************************************************
      1. To yourself, say the name of the only
      guy or girl you wanna be with 3
      times!
      *************************************************************
      2. Think of something you wanna accomplish
      within the next week and say it to your self 6
      times!!
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      >>
      3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to
      yourself 9 times!!!
      -----------------------------------------------------------------------
      4. Think of something that you want to happen
      between you and that 1special person and say
      it to your self 12 times!!!
      --------------------------------------------------------------------
      5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as
      you scroll down focus and
      concentrate on it and think on nothing
      else but that wish.
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
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      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      Now make one last &final wish about that one wish that you picked.
      After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what
      you wished for will come true within in one week!
      u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your
      crush!!!
      Keep going down
      Keep going
      Keep going
      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was
      your last chance. Now pay very close attention this important message!
      Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
      letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863 and if you
      break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these
      stories.

      First Example:
      Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl,
      up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid
      since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to
      it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad
      got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the
      letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.

      Second Example:
      Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average
      nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
      your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in
      the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd grade. The
      next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for him ever
      since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of
      course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and
      married each other to live happily forever.

      Third Example:
      Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll
      get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just
      getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but
      not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his
      friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and
      he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few
      friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that
      same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his
      dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and
      play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend
      gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp
      Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild!
      the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out
      ever since.

      Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
      be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats
      only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with
      that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send
      this to-
      1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love
      life.....forever!!!!!
      10 people- your crush will say they like you as a
      friend......ONLY!!!!!
      15 people- your crush will say they like you
      20 people- your crush will ask you out!
      25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
      35 people or more- All of the above!!
      Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have
      everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any
      friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a
      chat room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch.....you only
      have one hour to send it after being read. Please pass this to everyone u
      know and keep it going

    • shawn666

      13 years ago

      Take a picture of your tongue to prove it.

      And its physically impossible to lick your elbow. Even Jean Simmons from KISS can't even lick his elbow.

    • shawn666

      13 years ago

      Prove it. My tongue is probably longer than yours. hehehe

    • PAPALovin

      13 years ago

      PAPA smiley12.gif ins Weekly Submit a Caption game is on again!!!

      Have a Go

      this weeks image is a tough one, so come up with somthin good and win some mods!

      ppL.jpg

    • no_damn_it

      13 years ago

      sup

    • lee101

      13 years ago

      wow its been a while since i was on but yea that is me in that pic

    • lee101

      13 years ago

      r u even one here anymore
      its just ur comments r so old

    • CruelRevenge

      13 years ago

      Hey! if you need some one to talk to just send me a message and i'll see what i can do for ya! :-D

    • Brianthom211

      13 years ago

      hello im bored so i decided to say hi.

    • notcooldude

      14 years ago

      let me be the first to welcome you to rvb

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