Yep, I'm getting married to the love of my life. I am so blessed to have met someone like Jacob. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle; his strengths make up for my weaknesses, and mine his. He is so much less anxious than I am, and he is able to calm me when I have anxiety. We are opposites in this regard, but we also have so much in common in terms of our interests (e.g. gaming).
I never thought I would actually find someone with whom I get along so well. It feels as though we were made for each other (as cliche as that sounds). I actually used to think that I would end up alone, and this bothered me a lot. Jacob was my first--and now only--boyfriend, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Patience, though I didn't always have it, was worth it in the end.
But back to the wedding. It's going to be on May 20, 2017! I will have finished my first year as a grad student at University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill in the library science program. I originally wanted to wait until fall 2017. But my brother just got engaged to his girlfriend as well, and they are planning for October next year. Jacob and I wanted an autumn wedding, but I didn't want to take away from my brother and future sister-in-law's special day by having ours so close to theirs.
My mom is convinced that the planning can be done in 6 months, and I told her, "All right! As long as you help me plan since I have classes and work to deal with." She is so beyond excited. The only thing I am really worried about is not being able to become healthier and lose some weight before my wedding.
I have always dreamed of wearing my mom's (and my nana's) wedding dress, but they were super skinny. I'm talking Scarlet O'Hara skinny, if you get my reference. There is no way I'll be able to lose enough weight by the wedding, but I've long since come to terms with this fact and not being able to wear the dress. What really bothers me is that I hate pictures of me (especially lately). I have gained, and I wanted to have enough time to get healthy again. I am so incredibly worried about hating my wedding pictures. Also, dress shopping. I get incredibly overwhelmed by my weight when trying on clothes; it depresses me. So I'm not really looking forward to trying on dresses because it will be so disappointing.
What I really want is a good exercise regimen that I can follow to get back in shape, even if I can't get back to how I want to look for the wedding. I am currently doing the Full Plate diet, which focuses on filling 75% of your plate with fiber-rich foods (beans, veggies, fruit, etc.). But I have yet to implement a good exercise plan. Any suggestions?
I know the whole "body positive" mindset is what people are emphasizing now, but I have to be personally happy with my body, and I'm not. I don't care how other people view me, but I do care about how I feel about myself. And being healthy (not necessarily skinny) is what I want, and I don't feel or look that way. It's hard to be excited about the wedding when I think about how I will look and feel on one of the most memorable days of my life. I tend to dwell on things (especially negative memories--I go over them in my head over and over), and I don't want this to happen with my wedding.
Phew, sorry for the rambling. This was basically a stream-of-consciousness journal entry.