from england

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    • WTF and again

      13 years ago


      How much is:

      1 + 5?

      3 + 3?

      4 + 2?

      5 + 1?

      Repeat the number 6 in your head as fast as possible
      for 15 seconds.


      Think, think...

      You were thinking about a CARROT, weren't you!?!
      Really weird, right!?!?!

    • ok ???? wtf

      13 years ago


      This test is weird. Test yourself, but remember - The most important thing
      is to follow the instructions very carefully and not to scroll down too fast.
      Now, count the following easy calculations in your head as quickly as
      you can. It might help you if you say the answers aloud.
      Follow the instructions one at a time and as fast as possible.

      How much is:

      2 + 2?

      8 + 8?

      16 + 16?

      Fast! Think of a number between 12 and 5.

      Ready? Don't change your original number!

      Scroll down!

      The number you chose was 7.

      Strange, right?!?

    • Desert Island

      13 years ago


      A man's boat capsizes in the middle of the ocean. He washes up on a deserted island with nothing but the clothes on his back. He builds a small shelter and finds food and water, but he misses civilization more with each passing day.

      While walking on the beach one day, he sees a beautiful woman emerge from the ocean wearing a scuba tank and a wetsuit. She says, "You look like you could use a smoke." She unzips a pocket on one arm of her wetsuit, pulls a Cuban cigar from inside, and hands it to the man. The man smokes slowly, and tells her that it is the finest cigar that he has ever smoked.

      "How about a drink?" the woman asks. She unzips another pocket, reaches in, and pulls out a small flask. "It's a 17-year-old, single malt scotch, aged in oak," the woman tells him. The man is almost beside himself with joy as he sips the drink.

      The woman then begins unzipping the front of her wetsuit. "Want to play around?" she asks.

      "Jesus Christ!" the man says. "You have a set of golf clubs in there too?"

    • No need for condoms

      13 years ago


      The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

      The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

      Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

    • Butcher Bribery

      13 years ago


      It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

      The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
      "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

      When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

    • Take What You Want

      13 years ago


      Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

      The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

      The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    • Last Longer

      13 years ago


      A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.

      The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

      He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.

      On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

      Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

      As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

      He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

      The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

      Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

    • The Dentist

      13 years ago


      A guy & a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says " did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!"

    • The 3 Chinese Curses

      13 years ago


      A traveller was looking for a place to stay one night when he found a little bed-&-breakfast run by a chinese man. He asked the man if he could stay the night."Only on one condition", he replied, "that you do not touch my daughter...if you break this agreement, you will feel the wrath of the 3 Chinese curses!!!".

      The traveller accepted this agreement and thought that everything would be fine...until he saw the Chinese guy's daughter, that is.When he saw her ravishing beauty, he knew that he would not be able to resist the temptation, and that night he slept with her.When he crept back into his room early the next morning, he thought to himself "Ha! so much for the 3 Chinese curses! What a load of bullshit that was!" and went back to sleep.

      When he awoke the next morning, he was shocked to find a huge boulder on his chest, with a note on it saying "1st Chinese curse: boulder on chest".

      "Is this the best they can do?" said the traveller to himself,and he picked up the boulder and threw it out of his bedroom window.However, as it was falling, he noticed another note on the ground below saying "2nd Chinese curse: boulder tied to left testicle" "Shit!" thought the traveller."

      "OK, i can either stand here and lose one of my balls, or i can jump out of the window and break a few bones...fuck it, i'll jump" and so he jumped out of the window, but as he was falling, he noticed another sign on the side of the building that read "3rd Chinese curse:right testicle tied to bed post".

    • Smart Horse

      13 years ago


      The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

      The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

      The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

      As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

      The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

      The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

      Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

      The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

      The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

      Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"

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