lrnbnn

Female
from Hayling Island | Leeds, UK

  • Activity

    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • First serious journal title? Er, check.

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      If you would, kindly read the next sentence with the most dramatic soundtrack behind it you can muster.

      Tonight marks the night I stop being the lazy git I've come to hate over the last two months and start to, wait for it, get fit!
      Since finishing college I've noticed a dramatic increase in my gaming time whilst the time I've spent moving my arse from my bed has become none existent. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being as lazy as you like and developing eyes the shape of your TV screen but there are so many aspects of my life that have become affected.

      I've noticed for the past month or so that my mental health has taken a dramatic turn. I believe that going from never experiencing an anxiety attack to having three in the short span of two weeks is thanks to being very inactive. Going over my remotely steady and usual weight has lowered any self esteem I had which has snowballed into my everyday life, especially when I relate this to university and the like.

      I am a firm believer in that no one should ever be made to or in general feel bad about themselves in accordance to their weight and/or appearance and as a lady I look up to once said "your worth is not defined in centimeters." This is something I drastically need to change for my own benefit, but crossed with my own mentality at the moment this means it will no doubt be a hard slog and if you guys don't mind this will be the place for me to feel comfortable documenting how I am doing both mentally and physically.

      For the last week or so I've limited my posting on here as I've needed time to get my head together and I've missed it. Hopefully by taking the steps above I'll start to feel myself once more and interact with you guys again.

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      - Lauren x
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    • Everything's coming up Milhouse.

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      Two positive journals in a row, what is this?!

      As you guys know from my latest image I received confirmation on my Manchester Met university place! I just wanted to thank you guys for all the congratulations you have given me and even each like that the image received made me feel 10x happier. I constantly feel overwhelmed with just how happy I am that I decided to become a part of this community.

      I know it's a cliche to say but I have never felt this included and even wanted before in my life, having the opportunity to speak to so many different kinds of people whom I share a lot of interests with is a super nice feeling and I can without a doubt say I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

      One of my recent journals as you know was made from a complete Debbie Downer though I can honestly say in such a short period of time I no longer feel that way. Not having anything to capture my attention whilst not being at college was really bringing me down in addition to not really socialising as there aren't many people in my "real life" friendship circle. But talking to you guys about bloody spooning and all that lovely stuff at least gives me something to think about and enjoy. Not only do I have this site but thanks to my uni confirmation I can now focus on just how different my life will be in the next two months. I am super excited to start this next chapter of living and I fully intend to make the most of it.

      If any of you are ever having a bad time all I have to say is reach out to someone. Make a journal to document your feelings and let everything out, feeling like a weight has gone from your chest is one of the steps to being more positive. I am 100% happy to say that should anyone feel this way you are more than welcome to talk to me, never make yourself go through the bad times alone when there is always someone out there who will support you.

      Soppy emotional feelings over and out.
      - Lauren x
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    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • I'm starving, I only had one breakfast.

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      Not only is my journal title sadly true but it also relates to the only thing I seem to have done for the past week, watch Parks and Recreation. (Donna forever suck it @AllAlexi)

      Aside from hoping that there's someone out there who loves Parks that I can have a natter with, the point of this journal is for a lil' update and thanks.

      I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who sent me wonderful messages of support and reassurance in regards to my last journal. Over the past few days I've slowly felt less anxious and more positive which is honestly down to you guys. I would never have been able to write the same message anywhere else and receive such a lovely response and I am so glad to know and have those of you here. I will however not be watching said program again and if those feelings resurface I thankfully know where I can turn to.

      You can all go inflate your egos now knowing you've helped one idiot feel better about/with herself. It's such a pleasure to be a part of this community.
      Thank you smiley12.gif
      - Lauren x
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    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      This is going to be a very negative, personal post. I hope you guys don't mind, I need a place to get it off my chest.

      Just over an hour ago I decided to watch a show called The Secret Life of Students that I've been looking forward to. I thought I could have a laugh over seeing the banter between uni students over sleeping around, getting drunk and all the "naughty" per say antics that they'd get up to. Instead I've just been overcome with the worst physical anxiety I have ever experienced.

      I'm quite a socially awkward person if you like. For the past two years thanks to college and having a job I've come on leaps and bounds. In high school I was the super quiet girl who didn't speak to the teachers and just got on with her work, this can be a positive as my grades showed but it also lead me to being someone who feels fear almost at the idea of interacting with people. Now however I feel a much stronger person emotionally, I enjoy speaking to tutors and having a good relationship and I now have the courage to voice my opinion and speak in front of others which is honestly a big achievement for me. I know that might not seem like anything to those of you who aren't fazed by social situations, but for me, the quiet girl of 6years, it really is important.

      But tonight on said show there was a girl called Lauren, yep, who I felt so related to in many different aspects. She's the sort of girl who finds herself relying on others to help her feel comfortable and will push herself too far out of her comfort zone, in turn just making the situation 10x worse. I've had my qualms about uni life before now but never anything to make me like this. However seeing someone like me in so many ways crying in her room and hating everything for quite a substantial period just flung my anxieties at me so hard. Anxiety affects people in different ways but until now I have never experienced it to such an extent where I feel overcome with emotion and sickness. All of these worries just feel like they are slowly crushing down on my chest and I just feel so unwell.

      I don't want to be that girl at uni who cries alone in her room because I don't feel like I can socialise with others who are just having a drink and a good time. I'm pretty introverted and I like spending time alone to "recharge" but becoming someone known for "being boring" and "never leaving the flat" makes me feel so anxious and overwhelmed. I honestly don't even know how to continue writing down a list of worries longer than my arm but they're there, and I just hope they don't grow stronger until the day I leave for the next four years of my life.

      Happy Gilmore is on so I'm just going to focus on the love of my life, Adam Sandler.
      I promise my next journal will be much shorter and filled with happiness as I inflate my own weird sense of ego and talk about my dog.
      - Lauren x
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    • Gamer is Good Guys

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      (This post maaay be a long 'un)

      Wait no, the Good Guy Gamers!
      I've been a member of this group for around a good few weeks or so now but it wasn't till last night I found myself being able to join in with one of their game nights. If you're not already a member, what are you doing, then I seriously suggest you go join. They are a bunch of lovely people who regularly get together at around 10pm or so UK time to game in anything from 360, One and PC. They also don't mind if you mic or not so if you're a teeny bit nervous it's cool, just hang around and enjoy listening to the talk. Seriously though, go join they deserve the members.

      Y'know what I really hate? How much I suck at playing GTA V with others, I always win on my own!

      I'll admit last night was a little bit of a farce for me. Not only could I not find my mic but I've never used the party system so it wasn't until the night ended for me and I was going to play Peggle before I actually managed to sort out the sound and was finally able to hear the goings on of everyone! I did enjoy hearing someone sort of mumble pronounce my username, which is the aim, and that's really all I heard but either way the gang seems lovely and I look forward to having a mic at some bloody point!

      I also wasn't going to do this but this is an "honorable mention" towards @AllAlexi
      This dork is founder, think a lot of yourself there don't you pal with your fancy words, of GGG and is 90% the reason I joined in with a game. Now I won't go in to any social/nerves issues I may have but I was preeety nervous about joining a night even with no mic. Though I've been talking to Alex for a few days now, dogs for daaays, and he helped to calm my anxieties a little bit which is the most positive thing a leader can do right?!

      Now, another reason for this mention o ho ho is thanks to a little game of Peggle that had been planned for a few days. Granted I still didn't have my mic at this point but by thanks to Alex having one and me replying to messages via the Live website for easier typing we managed a good fight. Yes fight. There were a lot of choice messages from my end that may have been a teeny bit ego inflation and smack down.

      So this is for you Alex, and your spectacular loss, I hope your head continues to hang in shame. Thank you for a "lovely" first party experience.
      - Lauren x
      We live to fight Peggle another day.
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    • Free as dicks.

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      I'm freeeeeeeeeeee. Where's my prize??

      After two long years it's nice to be able to say I've finally finished college!! The last two weeks have been such a hard slog trying to get all my work finished and sent off for this Friday but it's all over.

      Well, until I start university in September. Grades wise I needed 280points which works out at DMM but after thankfully putting a lot of effort in during my first year I am leaving with 380points at D*DD! Come at me uni. Not to inflate my ego here or anything but I am super proud of myself for that grade and obtaining a lil' star grade is actually something I've wanted for a long time after I was so close during my GCSE's.

      To any of you that may have finished/be finishing soon any form of education, I hope you have done well and no matter what are proud of yourself for persevering.
      Now it's time to go eat a crap ton of food and finally have a lie in come tomorrow.

      Peace smiley12.gif
      - Lauren x
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