lrnbnn

Female
from Hayling Island | Leeds, UK

  • Activity

    • When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade.

      4 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?

      I'm sure you all know by now that I tend to share probably that little bit too much information on my life but hey ho, come along for the ride again guys!

      I feel like every time I post a happy and positive journal things take a bad turn and recently everything has spiraled so much that I can't cope by myself anymore. I never thought I could bring myself to do it but I saw a counsellor for the first time today and for "further" diagnosis and help I'll be making an appointment with my doctor.

      Going into too much detail right now isn't what I'm up for but as you guys knew before I started university I wasn't doing well and that has increased tenfold lately. A counsellor can't legally diagnose you, but by his account I'm suffering from severe social anxiety that's affecting all aspects of my life and so, at a minimum, I'll be attending five therapy sessions in the hopes of starting to get better. In terms of my doctor I'm going there to discuss the possibility of taking medication for said anxiety and also that there may be a slight chance I'm suffering from depression too.

      I honestly urge any of you to seek help if life starts getting too much for you, telling someone how I feel on a daily basis is a start and now I'm hopefully just on the right path to feeling like my old self again. If any of you ever need to talk I am absolutely happy to do so and thank you all for the support you give me no matter how I'm feeling.

      Who doesn't feel happy after seeing a cute lil' pup.
      - Lauren smiley12.gifsmiley12.gif
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    • 4 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • There's some good in this world, Mr Frodo.

      4 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      Sup nerds, I'm really enjoying having frequent ideas for journals and recieving lots of lovely support no matter what it is I post about!
      (Sam Gamgee quotes read in Sean Astin's voice make me feel good ok.)

      When I thought of writing this it was originally going to be pretty negative. On Tuesday night it seemed to really hit me that I'm actually living in a different city with people I don't know and doing things I've generally allowed myself to avoid. This may have led to me buying too much comfort food and also a McDonalds meal big enough to feed a few people but I'm visiting home next week for the weekend which should be a nice little pick me up. I'm trying to not think about my dog whilst I'm here as it turns me into a soft mess but I'm so excited to see his lil' face!!

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      Lil' face needed.

      I've sidetracked quite a bit haven't I! The point of this journal is really just to let you all know I'm doing well. I've documented probably far too much about how I struggle with anxiety and social issues but that I've overcome these somewhat thanks to college and that is the reason you've not had a university break down journal. The past couple weeks should have terrified me but they haven't, I've found myself becoming more comfortable with strangers and the voice inside my head who spurts out "no one gives a crap what you have to say", has become quite dormant. I know it may not seem like a big deal but yesterday I asked a stranger a question whilst we were in a lift and old me would have never done that. Ask a stranger what could be a silly question whilst being in an small, confined place? The answer would have been a huge fuck no!

      I never realised just how lovely it is to not be so worried all the time about interacting with people, yeah for sure I might say something stupid but that isn't the worst thing. If a stranger thinks I'm weird but not that I am horrible and/or rude then I can deal with that. On Monday I'll be having a group interview to be a student ambassador with lots of people I don't know and I will also have to give a presentation but that's okay, I am nervous of course but I know I can do it and I'm proud of myself for not turning down the opportunity.

      I'm just slowly becoming happier and comfortable within life and it's great. Thank you guys for always listening and being a help towards me feeling this way smiley12.gif
      - Lauren x
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    • Famous last words.

      4 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      So it's just over a week now that I've been at uni and I thought I'd give you a little update.

      I've had my first "official" lecture and tutorial today with a maths lab, shoutout to @xcalante for believing in my maths skills, we all know 2 + 2 = fish, buddy, coming up that I am highly dreading. Who knew that on a programming course there would be a lot of maths ha ha ha am I right?! Oh and did you guys know that out of 50+ people on my course I am the only female? Does this make me the Queen?

      I can't really say I have too much of an opinion overall just yet, though at times I still don't feel like I'm really here and there's some other grown up having to do the washing up and go food shopping. Also a little tip here, if there's any food or drink you really love, keep it in your room, or I can say with 110% truth it will be gone once your flatmates have a party. I'm excited to see how university life works out for me but for now I'm gna go eat my way through all the food I own and will definitely keep you guys posted on how I'm doing!

      - Queen Lauren x
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    • The world is your oyster.

      4 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      So this is it. My family have gone home and I'm officially all unpacked in my university room for the next year.

      I won't lie that I am a little overwhelmed even though all I've done so far is have a Nandos. But around an hour after my family left (half an hour ago) the tears started coming and to be fair I don't really want to stop them. I think it'll be good to just let it all out whilst knowing that everyone is only a phone call away.

      Now I've just got a little more unpacking to do but I'll probably play Destiny and be less of a hermit tomorrow, maybe then it'll start to feel more real and the emotions will be calmed.

      - Lauren x
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    • 4 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • Shall we gather for whiskey and cigars tonight?

      4 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      I can't believe I have let it become a month since I last posted a journal. A month!

      My sincerest apologies for that guys, I wish I could say that it's because I lead such a hectic lifestyle but all I've really done for the past month is watch Friends and play Dishonored. I felt like now would be the perfect time to give you guys a little life update. That's all my journals seem to be, I need to get out more.

      I can't believe I missed it but almost a month ago I hit my 1 year on here! Finding AH/RT is probably the best thing I have ever done and that also includes all of you guys. The constant support and understanding is something I treasure. A few days after this was the anniversary of me having my first ever surgery/operation which I may do a journal on itself!

      Now all that's really left to happen for me is, only to bloody be moving for university this Saturday! It's rolled around so fast and I can't believe that this time in 5 days it'll be my first night away from home in my new ~home~ which, I am constantly sad about, does unfortunately not include my dog :( I'll be doing a journal about this on Friday most likely so in other news, today we had an offer made on the house! It's crazy to think that in just over a months time I'll be in two new homes, though I am anxiously excited for how they both will turn out.

      I hope you guys are all well and enjoying school/work/life in general.
      Au reviour smiley12.gif
      - Lauren x
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    • 4 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • 5 years ago

      lrnbnn
    • I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

      5 years ago

      lrnbnn

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      I couldn't think of an interesting/jokey journal title so instead I'm gonna spice up your life.

      As my last journal stated I've chosen not to comment nor generally be around on the site aside from a like here and there so I thought I'd give you guys a lil' life update as for some reason you seem to enjoy them?? Look at me talking like I'm famous or something.

      At the moment I mentally feel well and happy but in the next few weeks watch this space, I'm gonna make myself unnecessarily stressed and tearful I'll bet any of you. No seriously please bet me as I know I'd win and I need the money. I'm a grown up now so what I've figured out is I can't get away with things, point in case a few weeks ago I went over my bank balance by 23p. No biggie right? My mam put some money in my account and so I was in credit, end of situation? Nope. I'm being charged £25 for "unplanned borrowing" which is bullshit but more so for the fact I have around £2 to my name so when they go to take the money it'll put me in the red and oh look a loop will be created. I don't want to do grown up things, I need to make like Peter Pan.

      Anywho, that story wasn't actually planned for this journal but hey such is life. What I meant to tell you is whilst I am moving to university next month and that's a big step I will also be moving house. I have never moved in my eighteen years nor did I think my "family" home would be sold. I'm not fussed to be fair as the house is pretty knackered but moving out of my home whilst I've just moved to another city is gonna be damn inconvenient. On the plus side I get two new rooms to decorate and unlike my current bedroom, none are gonna be bloody yellow. I love yellow.

      Oh and I've had a "not just a trim" haircut for the first time in around 6years and so I'm being a mega pain and going round telling everyone I'm in mourning. Did you know I'm in mourning guys? I seem to have lost the hair off my head.

      I don't know where this journal is going anymore so I'm gonna love, not literally sorry, and leave you all. I'm about to go read as many journals as possible as I feel like I'm out of the loop with peoples goings on and I may pop my, bald mourning, head into some forums. I love this site and all you dorks on it I really do.

      Oh and my love Great British Bake Off is back on TV and if you guys don't watch it, have some god damn British pride.
      - Lauren x
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