madcarver

Male
from Columbus, OH

  • Activity

    • A shell without a ghost

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      Shit Happens.
      Enjoy Life Meanwhile

    • WOOT

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      YES! I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK! Well, really it sucks because I have to reinstall everything and try to figure out how to replace all the contact information I lost, but oh well. Home for thanksgiving, hopefully I'll be able to catch up on everything I missed. Maybe life doesn't suck as much as I thought. Hell, I lost my buckid (think debit card sanctioned by OSU that has all my meal plan on it and allows me to get back into my dorm) because the friggin chem department is retarded (they make us give the damned things to them when we check out equipment for labs so we don't steal them. Like I could ever find a use for an old, beat up pH meter. They are so friggin paranoid... Don't get me started... ugh) BUT somehow I am still in a good mood. Go figure. Anywho, I'll try to be on aim some, but that all depends on getting a power adapter up in my room soon, something I'm not sure about as I left mine at school (and don't have a buckid to get back in to get it) because I though my computer would be dead until at least next Monday. Meh. Life's a bit better now.

      Peace

    • shit

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      Well, my computer died. Hard drive must not like me or something. Dunno what happened but I managed to back up some of my stuff... not much I can do about it now. Hopefully I can get it back soon and start putting everything back on the friggin thing. Oh well. Don't expect me to be on AIM or even this until I comp access on a regular basis.

    • SNOW!

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      IT'S SNOWING!!

      Snow, snow
      To and fro,
      High and low,
      Where ever we go
      Let it snow, snow!

    • ...

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      So, in the last three days I have slept for a grand total of 13 friggin hours. I hate insomnia. And stress. No, more specifically than stress, I hate chemistry with an undying passion. I think it's time to test and see if benedryl will actually work on me tonight. I hope they do. Sorry to you guys if it's seemed like I've been kinda distant recently, but my mind has not exactly been "in it", if you know what I mean. Thanks for your support.

    • normal?

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      Well, I think I that I'm back to as normal as I can get nowadays. Granted, I still don't care about classes, but I have been able to sleep recently and have stopped listening to the voices in my head (which is a good thing considering they were telling me to stay awake). So enough insomnia for a few weeks at least.
      Let's see: today I aced my Dynamics quiz, which really really helped my self esteem, which returned to its usual spot in the gutter (as opposed to being in the middle of the street run over by cars). Maybe I can get it to move up to the sidewalk sometime soon. hehe. meh.
      So yeah, everything is going much better now and I hope that it will continue that way. I got to eat lunch today with my cousin (which is a good thing) and my sister is performing in OMEA states tomorrow, so go drum line. What else? hmm..... meh.

    • sanity

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      I think I lost something these last few weeks. I don't know what it is, but I finally feel calm and collected again. For the first time in three weeks I think I might be able to sleep well for a night, and concentrate when I awake. Only tomorrow will tell the truth for sure...

      The last week has been hell on my body and mind. Failures I can't explain or understand. I am thankful I am still alive right now without permanent damage to my mind or body from lack of sleep, lack of caring, and lack of motivation.
      Previously motivation was my defining characteristic. I finally realize that I need to reassert my goals in life to be able to bend with a changing lifestyle.
      Thanks to everyone for your support.
      Ja ne.

    • life

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      Finally, I feel like I have my life and my mind back under control. Maybe sometime I will return to the fed up sonofabitch that you have all come to know and love....

      HA! had you going there. On a tangent, the first time I watched the one RvB ep where Caboose and Sarge get caught in the "multiplayer game" on beaver creek I could have sworn he said "I ate babies" (which is much more distrubing than "I hate babies", the friggin psycho cannible).
      So maybe the old bartz's mind is damaged beyond repair... meh, get used the psycho version, cause its probably here to stay, hehe...

      People are like squirrels: we spend large portions of our lives hiding stupid things like nuts, spend a great deal of our life cut off from the rest of the world in a hibernated state (think work), spend forever looking for the damned nuts later, only to forget about half of them in the long run.
      The moral to this pointless rant? Don't bury shit in your yard and stay away from cats. Those claws really hurt.


      This really struck a cord in me:
      Dido, "Thank You"

      My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
      I got out of bed at all
      The morning rain clouds up my window
      and I can't see at all
      And even if I could it'd all be grey,
      but your picture on my wall
      It reminds me that it's not so bad,
      it's not so bad

      I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
      my head just feels in pain
      I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
      I'm late for work again
      And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
      that I might not last the day
      And then you call me and it's not so bad,
      it's not so bad and

      I want to thank you
      for giving me the best day of my life
      Oh just to be with you
      is having the best day of my life

      Push the door, I'm home at last
      and I'm soaking through and through
      Then you hand me a towel
      and all I see is you
      And even if my house falls down,
      I wouldn't have a clue
      Because you're near me and

      I want to thank you
      for giving me the best day of my life
      Oh just to be with you
      is having the best day of my life

    • Insanity

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      Wow, what a weekend. I just relaxed, did nothing... and it was heaven. Read a few fan fics, slept in, watched OSU pull a win out of their ass, slept in, it was awesome. Of course, now I'm screwed this week for my workload, but oh well.
      On the other hand, I'm sure I'm insane now. I can't concentrate long enough to finish a thought, and as I was redoing a dynamics problem that we had on a quiz last week in Recitation (not by choice mind you, but w/e), I spent the entire time on the one problem that I aced in 5 minutes last week, not realizing my error until the very end. I think this is a sign of my mind deterioriating, but w/e. I'm screwed tomorrow, as I have a lab to do and two chapters to learn for chemistry and no motivation whatsoever to do either. Oh well, the quiz is only worth like %5 of our grade, it will only drop me .333 points on a 4 point scale. (note to people who haven't known me long: as long as I can remember I have been very very very anal about keeping my gpa as high as possible, I'm just trying to show how confused my brain is right now.) On that note, I think I need to get allegry shots. The constant drainage and shit is clouding my thoughts with a constant headache, which is not cool. oh well. I don't care anymore, pm me or im me sometime if you want more specifics, I'm too lazy to continue typing.

    • Rantings of a Warped Mind

      13 years ago

      madcarver

      It's just been one of those days. My ipod's officially dead now; Took it in to the Apple store one month after the warranty is up, and I have a simple choice: turn it in and buy a new one at 10% off or send it into a place and get a new hard drive for $200 with no warranty. Niether option sounds too good to me, but the longer I stay without music the more sanity I will lose.
      On that note, I've realized I have finally gone off the deep end, and just have stopped caring for the most part. My anal retentive side seems to have perished over the weekend, becuase I no longer really give a rats ass about any of my midterms. Considering I didn't know what the difference between singular matrices and nonsingular matrices was at the beginning of today and my math midterm is tomorrow, not sure how good of a development this is. Math tomorrow morning, Physics is Thursday morning, and Dynamics is Friday afternoon, plus chem lab tomorrow. I know now that dynamics homework isn't going to get done for tomorrow but oh well, maybe I'll have it done by friday, if I'm excessively bored. On the plus side, instead of freaking out right about now like I normally would, I'm just completely relaxed. I think I'll go to bed around 10 or so just to spite my former self...
      On the plus side, I think I have acquired the "relaxing like a normal person" attitude, so that's one thing down and three to go. Scheduling is next week, so I can soon mark off taking hard classes. Now to work on those first two...

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