from Abilene, TX

  • Activity

    • Wow

      13 years ago


      I made it to 100, and i handed out 80 mod points in about 15 minutes. They go quck. I'm keeping the rest for emergancies, contests, and general bullshit.

    • On a quest.

      13 years ago


      Okay, I'm totally ripping off Charlie's (Killer2009) idea and I'm going on a Mod point quest. I'm on a mystical journey to 100 mod poiints. I have 98. I just need two. I hate to have to beg, but it's the easiest way, so if anyone could please give me two mod points, that'd be super.


      Just clicked off the journal and into a forum, and BOOM! 99 points. Just need one.

      --EDIT AGAIN--

      Quest complete. 100 points. Now the journey back down. I'm modding like crazy!!

    • Joke of the Day

      13 years ago


      A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and he stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:

      "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community and from reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"

      Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,

      "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

      No, there won't be a joke everyday, but this one is for today, so spread the joke. Make your friends laugh!

    • Joke Journal

      13 years ago


      I found some really funny dirty humor. I copied and pasted it.

      A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
      What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?

      What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?

      What's "68"?
      You do me and I owe you one.

      What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

      What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
      A tearjerker.

      Have you heard about the new supersensitive condoms?
      They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman.

      Define "Egghead "
      What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

      What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
      Popeye almost killed him!

      Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
      Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

      How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
      Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

      KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!"

      Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
      He did okay until his business fell off.

      What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
      "How come?"

      How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
      By sticking your finger in his honey.

      Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
      Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

      What's the definition of a teenager?
      God's punishment for enjoying sex.

      Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
      "They'll never see you coming."

      What's the definition of a vagina?
      The box a penis comes in.

      What two words will clear out a men's restroom?
      "Nice Dick!"

      What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
      Toys for Twats.

      What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?

      What's the definition of eternity?
      The length of time between when YOU come and SHE leaves.

      Why do we have orgasms?
      How else would we know when to stop?

      What's the definition of indefinitely?
      When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in...definitely!

      What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
      Both capture the moment.

      My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call. (pause) He said, "Did I call you or did you call me?"

      Define Transvestite:
      A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

      Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
      Palm Sunday.

      Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
      The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

      What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
      A scrotum pole!

      What's the ultimate in rejection?
      When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

      Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
      There'd be too many thank you notes to write.

      How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
      By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

      There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob.

      What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
      They are both used as substitutes for meat.

      What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
      Brothel sprouts.

      What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
      Two Mennonite!

      Have you heard about that blind hooker?
      You've gotta hand it to her!

      What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
      The cold shoulder.

      How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
      His hand caught fire.

      Why is sex like a game of bridge?
      If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

      What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
      They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!

      Can you say three two-letter words that mean small?
      Is it in?

      How are airplanes and women alike?
      They both have cockpits.

      What do you call a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate?
      Miracle Whip.

      What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
      A bingo machine.

      What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?

      What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
      Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

      How is a woman like a condom?
      Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

      What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
      By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

      Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
      Sperm is handmade.

      How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
      Put a nipple on it.

      What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
      Slow down and use a lubricant.

      What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
      One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

      If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
      A hole in it.

      What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
      Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

      How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
      It's not hard.

      Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
      He decided to stick it out for one more year!

      When does a cub become a boy scout?
      When he eats his first Brownie.

      What is a Yankee?
      The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

      What did the banana say to the vibrator?
      What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!

      How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? will screw anything.

      What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
      About three inches.

      What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
      Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

    • LAN Party

      14 years ago


      Okay. This is my first actual journal entry in a while. All the earlier ones were bullshit,

      Last week end was a three day weekend, so my friend, Robert, was having a LAN party at his house. A lot of my friends went and we all played Halo (1 & 2) and watched Happy Tree Friends. After that was over, another friend (Brandon) decided to have one at his house because his parents were out of town. Even more people showed up and it pretty much went on for two days straight. After it was finally over, me and Cory stayed, and cleaned up. Later, over XBL, he told me his parents didn't suspect anything. Then I realized how big of losers we are. Most parties that go on for 2 days with no supervision are BYOB (bring your own beer). Ours are BYOBr. Bring your own Battle rifle. We suck.

      My web mastering class is first period, so I can get on RvB for about 20 minuites during school in the morning.

      My computer sucks even more than earlier, but I"ll probably get a new one soon. maybe.

      We got shit for class rings. I want a smiley face under the gem, a Canadian flag on one side, and a hamburger on the other. Or I could just save about seven hundred bucks and not get one.


      I got Xbox connect installed and working. I have a shitty computer, so I have a pretty high ping unless I'm playing with people that are pretty close. I deleted an ass load of stuff, so it's a little better than before though.

      Not getting a class ring. To expensive and missed the deadline.

      I'm not a loser, just neutral now. (Thanks Red Joker!)

    • Why I like Australia

      14 years ago


      This is why I like Australia:

      Also go tell everyone what kind of pie you like on this Australians page.

      And my computer finally died, so I can only check stuff while I'm at school until I get a new computer, or get mine to start working again.

    • Journal Entry No. 64707226856

      14 years ago


      I'm posting a journal because I'm bored. I think that everyone should post a comment on it. I want to fell loved. LOVE ME!!!

    • Pic Post Contest.

      14 years ago


      First five people to post a pic of any sort (preferably funny) wins a mod point. Any pics after the fifth won't be modded by me.

    • MOD Contest

      14 years ago


      Okay, you give me a mod, and you guess a number. Pretty simple. I'll try and keep the guessed numbers deleted. If you guess the number, you get 10 points.


      Ready? Go!


      14 years ago


      I have 666 profile views, and 222 journal views! No shit! That's wierd that it turned out like that at the same time.

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