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  • Activity

    • Funeral.

      2 years ago

      moyes

      Today, the 20th of July 2017, is my Mum's funeral. Exactly 2 weeks later. I think the burial is around the time she passed too. Maybe an hour earlier, I wasn't looking at the clock at the time. I hope I did everything she'd want. She's being buried with the ashes of our two dogs, Ash and Brock, which is something I knew she wanted so at least there's that. I put a few photos in with her too. I hope I did her proud.


      On a side note I wish these journals had a date.

    • I miss you.

      2 years ago

      moyes

      My mother died today. Today being the 6th of July 2017. Somewhere between 2pm and 4pm I think. What's the saying? Death comes in threes? Ash, Brock and Mum. Who's name starts with a C now that I'm typing it, ABC. Weird. Thankfully no one close to me has a name starting with D.


      I don't really feel like writing it down like my other two posts, at least not yet. It's been a really long week and it's going to turn into a long month. Various arrangements and a funeral.


      Oh, and we got another dog. A Zuchon (Shichon) called Wick, named after John Wick. A bit morbid to be honest if you've seen the film and given the circumstances.

    • Another Death In The Family

      2 years ago

      moyes

      Brock, my dog, died in my arms today.


      He was a Jack Russell, though he looked a bit like a small German Shepherd, and would have been 17 on the 16th of December. He was Ash's brother though they didn't look it, Ash's hair being longer and mostly white and had floppy ears while Brock had shorter hair over most of his body, was mostly black and had ears that stuck up. From a breeding perspective Ash was a rough coat while Brock was a broken coat. Both a bit mongrel-ish to be honest but we called them Jack Russells.


      We got Brock a couple of months after Ash. The people who originally bought him from the breeder took him back because he growled so much. He thought he was a hunter and loved to run and chase things. When he was a little younger he'd protect our cat from other cats when they chased her inside. He liked my belly rubs.


      Brock had all sorts of problems this past year, mainly age related. His hearing and sight had pretty much gone though movement still caught his attention, a bout of Cushing's disease, having several teeth removed and he was on pain killers for his arthritis in his back legs from his ACL ops and his back. His leg's would occasionally give way and he'd stumble or collapse and bark for help. He'd also been having difficulty with incontinence, having accidents or not making it to the flap in time while sometimes having difficulty going through it yet somehow bursting in all hyper, dashing around panting.


      The last few weeks he'd been wondering around the house more than usual, coming into my room which he didn't do often and bumping into things and stumbling more than normal. A couple of days ago he worked himself up and was panting a lot to the point where he was wheezing when he calmed down. It was even worse last night just wandering pretty much non-stop until morning and had two accidents in the kitchen, I don't think he got any sleep and he was doing this weird thing with his neck where he kept it extended and his head pointed upward. For the most part I left him to it but I tried giving him food, letting him out and putting him on my mother's bed in hoped he'd settle down but he'd just jump/fall down and wander around some more. Eventually I got him settled around 8am but had to sleep soon after. I was pretty exhausted by that point.


      My mum woke me up a few hours later worried about Brock, he was going around in circles pivoting on his back legs and couldn't seem to see the pet flap. When I saw him he was kind of splayed out facing the flap. I took him outside and he was pretty limp. Brought him back in and tried to get him comfortable enough to sleep which kind of worked. His breathing was short and fast which worried me but I thought a good sleep would be enough after the night he had. Mum was more worried and started looking for taxi's who allowed pets so we could take him to the vets but they weren't available until 3pm. Neither of us can drive at the moment. We tried to make him comfortable and give him his daily tablets wrapped in a meat paste but he wouldn't eat them which was a concern since that had never happened before. He loved the stuff. Eventually he got up and looked distressed so I took him outside where he collapsed again and urinated under himself. I cleaned him up as best I could and took him back inside. His breathing was still ragged and I looked into his mouth and saw his gums were pale which is a bad sign. I had to have a little sleep to make it to the appointment. It was a long night.


      This is where things get distressing. Mum woke me up and I got ready to go. Brock was lying down but got up and tried walking through the kitchen but collapsed again. I picked him up and put him near the front door ready to go. We were looking out the front window waiting for the taxi and saw him driving up. I went to pick Brock up but noticed he was in a funny position, his front legs were stiff and spread eagled elevating his body in a weird way, his head was looking down. As I put my hand underneath his chest to pick him up he started thrashing his head side to side then he toppled over onto his left shoulder. Surprised, I pulled my arm back thinking he was having a seizure and went to pick him up again. He was limp and as I was putting my hand underneath his bottom I felt something warm and saw he'd lost bowel control. Panicked, I put him down and said to my mother "I think he's gone..." while I went to wipe my hands on some kitchen paper and went to get some disposable gloves to carry him to the taxi. As I was doing this Brock was having spasms on the floor, fairly rhythmic but far too slow to be laboured breathing. My mum said he was breathing and moving but when I picked him up I could feel he'd gone and saw his eyes were empty but didn't want to believe it. I remember saying something like "No, no, no. You're okay, boy, just hang on!" and things like that while I carried him to the taxi. Unfortunately, the taxi was the wrong type. My mother has mobility problems and couldn't get in so I went ahead with Brock while the driver called for another taxi. His rhythmic spasm continued during the journey, every 20-30 seconds or so, it was hard to tell so I may be way off, I think it was the air escaping his lungs. He was drooling onto my leg and was just limp except for the spasms. We'd paid the taxi ahead of time so I just ran in. The receptionist saw me and asked "Is that Brock?" and I said "I don't know..."


      She saw how upset I was and told me to take him into one of the rooms and put him on the table while she went to get a vet. I grabbed some paper towels to try and wipe off the mess. The vet came in not long after and tried to hear his heart beat but there was none to be heard. I went to the bathroom to clean up and broke down crying. After I got cleaned up and went back in they'd wrapped him up in some blankets and probably cleaned his bottom, I'm not sure. They let me sit with him until my mother arrived and had to get some money out for that taxi. She was very upset about this, especially after Ash died. Ash and Brock were her pets, really, while I had the cat. Got the money, paid the driver, went back in and we sat there with him for a bit longer. Stroking him a bit. The vet had pulled the blanket back but left his face covered because of his eyes. I remember Ash's eyes didn't close when he died either.


      We took his collar and they took his body to be cremated and we said out last goodbyes.


      After another mix-up with taxis we got back home and as soon as I opened the door I saw the spot where his life left him. It was hard on both of us.


      We keep expecting to see him around the house. Mum's missing him a lot. We both are. At least I have the cat but this weekend will be hard for her. The cat saw Brock during the day so I think she knew what was happening. She's looked around the house since we've got back but she's more or less the same.


      My mother's rung a bunch of people telling them about our loss.


      I apologise for this being so long. It might be longer than the one about Ash but I've found it helps me process things. They're more for me. I also apologise for the vivid descriptions of what his body did. While I was typing it occurred to me that it's October and Halloween's coming up, not that that's something we celebrate over here. He died within a year of his brother but his death was pretty much the opposite of Ash's which was just like them, black and white. Brock loved other animals while Ash preferred people. Brock would beg and whine for food while Ash just watched you eat. When you took them for a walk Brock walked on the left while Ash was on the right. Ears up ears down. Just little things here and there but I loved them both so much. Now both of my childhood pets have died. They got to a fair old age though, nearly 16 and nearly 17.


      I like to think Ash was waiting for him and that they're playing in a field somewhere. Just chasing each other and the like waiting for us. Silly but y'know. When Ash died someone gave us a poem called the Rainbow Bridge, if you've ever lost a pet I suggest you read it.


      We miss you, boy.


      R.I.P Brock 16.12.1999 - 14.10.2016


      P.S. Forgot to mention it, but yeah, Ash and Brock are named after Pokémon characters. We got them back in 1999-2000. Considering the anime is still going, Pokémon is still popular and Brock's one of the best companions I don't regret naming them that.

    • A Death in the Family

      3 years ago

      moyes

      Ash, my dog, got put down today.

      He was a Jack Russell and would have been 16 on the 16th of December. I think that's called a Champagne Anniversary.

      He's been a bit down for the last couple of weeks but on Saturday night he was really down. He was bleeding from his mouth and my mum took him to the vets on Sunday morning and they arranged to remove one or more of his teeth on Tuesday. They took some bloods and noticed his platelets were low, meaning his blood wasn't clotting, but they would decide more on the day. They gave us some antibiotics and painkillers and we were to take him back if he didn't stop bleeding from where they took blood from his neck. After he got back he got worse, going into the back garden and just lying down, not settling and a couple of times he stumbled or collapsed, like he had no strength. I tried to give him some painkillers but I couldn't get them down, he threw up a bit from that but I didn't think there was any blood in it but his gums were white. I tried again later on with the same result.

      Took him back on Monday morning, they did more scans. Said it was a growth on his spleen causing this and they'd give him blood and an IV to get his strength up. They sent a text in the evening saying he'd eaten and he was looking better and that they'd call us in the morning with an update.

      Unfortunately he'd taken a turn for the worse so they rang this morning. His gums were yellow indicating liver problems. They referred us to a specialist centre where they would be better equipped to deal with him. It was a long shot but I think any pet owner would make the same one.

      When we went to pick him up he looked miserable, all wrapped up in a blanket and kind of limp. As soon as I took him from the vet he started whining. Got him to the car and tried to get him comfortable in my lap. It was a long journey and took about an hour and 15 minutes and he was whining on and off but I tried to comfort him as best I could. I saw Season 6 Episode 4 of The Walking Dead the night before and I think that put the idea into my head that with every whine he was saying something like "Let me go" or "Let it end".

      When we got there they took him straight to the ICU, our vets had called to let them know we were coming. They did some test of their own while we gave a medical history relaying the past few days to a student. The vet came in and said they were going to do an ultrasound of his stomach and some x-rays, did those, came back and said there was a lump on his liver as well as his spleen. They couldn't do a biopsy because of his clotting but they said it was probably cancer. They mentioned something about the fats around the organs being abnormal on the ultrasound and it had travelled through the fats or that it was an indication that it had spread or something. They also mentioned he might be a bit brain dead because he wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain with him being anaemic but, speaking as his owner, I don't think that was the case. I couldn't really take it in at that point as it was pretty clear where it was headed. They basically gave us two options, give him plasma, IV and the like and hopefully he would get better so they could operate or put him down. She said there was a possibility his heart would stop before the treatment could work and it sounded like a long shot at best. My mum and I decided on the latter. He'd been through enough.

      We wanted to be with him when it happened so the vet talked us through what would happen, they'd inject the stuff into his cannula and he'd stop breathing. Warned us there might be some erratic breathing and twitching, loosening of the bladder and bowels, maybe some foam coming from the mouth from the lungs. But he was always a good dog and he didn't do any of that. My mum asked if he'd close his eyes but the vet said they don't usually do that. Tears had started by this point. She brought him in on an examination table, covered in the blanket so his head and paws stuck out and gave us a little time to say goodbye. He wasn't really there at that point. The vet said he was unresponsive when she examined him. I mentioned brain death earlier but I think he was just ready to go. I like to think he knew we were there. I like to think he felt us stroking him. I like to think he heard us tell him we love him and that we'll miss him. And the vet put the syringe in and pushed.

      She flushed it through afterwards so it would get into his system while we continued stroking him. Unfortunately there was a problem. His breathing slowed but didn't stop. The vet went for more of the drug while we continued to comfort Ash. Vet came back and put about half again in. To my mum and me it seemed like he didn't want to go but the vet said it was more likely his weak circulatory system. Still no real change. Vet checked the cannula and it turns out it wasn't put in correctly or that it had changed position at some point and she'd been pushing the drug through a burst vein. Kinda looked like a big lump above his elbow.

      So the vet takes him off so she can reinsert the cannula and we're left in the room. I don't remember how I felt but I'm fairly sure a small amount of anger, irritation and somehow seeing the lighter side were in there somewhere. I remember a clenched fist and chuckling to myself at the ridiculousness of it. I don't blame anyone for it, mistakes happen.

      After a while the vet brings him back in. Ash was pretty much gone at this point, still breathing but you could see there was nothing behind his eyes, though we still go back to comforting him. The vet gives him more of the drug and he's gone. More tears and more stroking, more for us than for him. I remember her saying the eyes would stay open so I try to close them as best I could before opening them again by stroking him. After a couple of minutes the vet takes out the cannulas and covers his paws with the blanket and we talk about what we'd like to do with the body. We wanted him cremated so I guess they'll send him off somewhere and have his ashes sent back to our vets. It was one of those moments where some conspiracy theories run through my head about if we'll actually get his actual ashes or not. We still had his collar from Sunday so we kept that. Finally the vet wheeled him out and let us stay in the room for a while so we could collect ourselves. She said he's chasing rabbits in heaven now, but he was never the chasing type. I kept the tears in as best I could because I wanted to be home before I let it all out. He died at approximately 2pm on the 3rd of November 2015.

      We went back to reception and mum filled out some paperwork while I fiddled with an awkward hot drink machine. Thankfully minimal paperwork after what happened, they understood it was a rough situation and I guess they'd go through our vets for money and such. I hand the paperwork back and say to the receptionist to pass on my thanks to the vet. She says of course. I hope she did because the vet was wonderful, patient and empathetic and it's the least she deserves. A bit of an odd thing to do really, thanking someone for putting your dog down but I think most people do it. While we were in the room it unfortunately didn't occur to me gives the circumstances. We sat in reception for a while before starting out long journey back.

      Arrive at home, greeted by Ash's brother, Brock (Yes, both from Pokémon). We didn't take him with us because we thought it would distress him. I'm not sure how he feels, being a dog and all, but I'm sure he misses his brother as they've been together for nearly 16 years. I'm fairly certain dogs have no real concept of anything other than the "Now" but Brock missed his brother when he was taken to the vets so at the very least "My brother isn't here" will be on his mind. We'll give him lots of attention so hopefully he won't be sad. I don't think the cat has noticed. They weren't too close. She might notice something is missing but that's about it. Cats being cats. The dogs were more my mum's while the cat was mine.

      Mum called her friends to give them the news while I called my dad. He was supportive and sympathetic as you'd expect. And I start to cry. He'd been through a similar thing with his wife and he was with her when they put her dog down so he had some idea about what I was going through. I thank him, hang up and finish crying. It takes a few minutes. I'm done for today I think.

      I apologise for the length but it's been a long day and it feels like a lot happened. I wanted to write this on the day it happened but couldn't face it for a few hours. I think I just about managed it with multiple edits. I decided I wanted to put this in a journal when Ash was looking bad, probably on Sunday. He's been with me for more than half of my life and I think I needed to type this out to help process it. It still doesn't seem real. I've deliberately avoided not getting angry for the last few days. Trying to keep somewhere between denial and bargaining for some stupid reason. As if it would somehow help. Not sure which of the 5 Steps I'm on now. Still haven't accepted it even though it's just happened.

      Ash was a very kind dog. Always knew how to cheer you up. Liked to cuddle. Enjoyed ripping up tissues he'd somehow pickpocketed from you without you noticing. Very much a people person and had an eye for pretty ladies. When the postman came he'd gently pull the letters the rest of the way through when they got stuck, sometimes leaving little rips in the envelopes in the shape of his teeth. While he was mainly my mother's dog he'd come into my room in the mornings. Always patient, once, while he was out a child greeted him and grabbed his head and shook it from side to side and Ash just let him, no growls or anything. Gave me a scar on my arm from his back leg when I lifted him onto the sofa in an awkward way. Liked to dig. Didn't like tug-of-war that much. Absolutely loved a belly rub. And a million other things.

      We love you, Ash. You will be missed.

    • Titanfall

      5 years ago

      moyes

      Standing by.

    • For lack of a better word.

      6 years ago

      moyes

      Been a while. I think this is where the Journal is but I'm not sure... So, let's keep it short.

      I saw the cinematic trailer for Halo 4 a couple of days ago and I nerdgasmed so hard. Seriously, it went on for a couple of minutes and I thought my skin might melt. It was awesome. I don't know what other people experience when they have one but a tingle goes up or down my spine then I get an almost simmering feeling just under my skin of varying degrees depending on the size. Having just sneezed while typing this I can tell you it's similar to the "after-a-good-sneezy" feeling but much more intense. I think I've had similar feelings after a good bowel movement too. I'm curious what it's like for other people so if there are any idiots people still watching me or people who stumble across this then feel free to try and describe your own experiences and the circumstances.

      Unfortunately, I haven't been keeping up on game trailers lately so my nerdgasms have been few. I blame the new GameTrailers.com. Mainly their download problem. Granted, it's been about a month or two since I last looked so maybe they've changed it by now. Hopefully.

      Also, as a last note, I finally hit 50000 Gamerscore. The Lean With It Achievement from MoH Warfighter took me right up to the mark. I feel so proud right now.

      Whoops, not so short. Sorry about that.

    • 7 years ago

      moyes
    • 7 years ago

      moyes
    • Saw this...

      7 years ago

      moyes

      judblb_w.jpg

      ... And thought it was appropriate.

    • Gears.

      7 years ago

      moyes

      Wow. Just. Wow. That was EPIC! Speaking of Epic a big thank you to them and every one else who worked on the game for all of their hard work from me (particularly Karen Traviss and the main cast for adding such depth to it).

      I nearly cried four times while playing it which i'm not ashamed to admit. Actually it was probably more than four... But let's not go into that. I don't think i could've taken much more. I'll just say that, while i wished it didn't happen, i think deep down it had to happen and i'm glad it happened the way it did. I hope that doesn't spoil it for anyone who reads this (not that anyone reads my stuff anymore). While i recover from the excellent campaign i'll be winding down with some nice, soothing multiplayer while hoping i'm not as bad at multiplayer as i remember.

      When it first came out in 2003 (the cover version which i just found out thanks to a quick google/wiki) i didn't like the song Mad World. I think it beat a song i wanted to win to Number 1 in the UK Christmas Charts but i don't remember what song it was. Plus it wasn't very Christmasy. But, thanks to Gears, it's really grown on me, starting with the Gears 1 Trailer which was just chilling. I think it pretty much summed up the series.

      On another note, have you seen the prices for some of the DLC? Not cool. Even though it's super cool stuff. Which i want. Dammit...

      In summary: Thank you Gears. It was one hell of a ride and i'm glad we were Brothers to the End.

  • About Me

  • Comments (1351)

    • DeathAngels

      10 years ago

      Hey, how have you been? Have you ever talked to MaiShadowX again?

    • humpster

      10 years ago

      Hehehehehe smiley0.gifsmiley0.gif i became a sponsor hehehe smiley0.gif

    • sargefan19

      12 years ago

      eh long time no see

    • LooperX

      12 years ago

      It was a snow day on Valentines. That's why we had it off.

    • Lux_Tannin

      12 years ago

      yup I named her Bekins smiley0.gif

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      No, I shouldn't be. It's judges day so I have the day off, to lounge about at home and play on the computer, for a long time

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      your online! This must be a miracle!

    • dasheer1940

      12 years ago

      Yes I do have one
      see

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      the Dead or alive extreme trailer I sent you in a message, you only had to scroll down the linked page about 2 cm to see it :P

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      who'd you like the trailer then?

    • MunKiy

      12 years ago

      thank's (-_-)\m/

    • anwfamily

      12 years ago

      Hey Sam, your not a sponsor anymore. I just noticed.

    • Lux_Tannin

      12 years ago

      good point but you could know an actress who fits this profile

    • killerkrabs

      12 years ago

      btw, Steve Irwin died.

    • LooperX

      12 years ago

      She's Lula24. Add & Watch.

    • MunKiy

      12 years ago

      lol that's not a k-7 that's an RG-7, K-7's are tuned lower...while's R-G7's just have that thick low tone and you can tune them to that of a K-7's tone. (-_-) \m/

    • FinweT

      12 years ago

      What did I get an award for?

      It's a mystery.

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      larger, cider, anything?

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      trust me, there is no way 2 or 3 pints can get someone drunk, not even an eastern origined light weight.

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      you think damn long and hard about it (being 5 minutes) and then say yes!

      come on! You can never get drunk too many times, and I'm only thinking of social drinking, which will only lead to about 2 - 3 pints, so you won't get drunk

    • Bigpyro

      12 years ago

      How about we go out for a drink, another time, rather then to celebrate our results?

    • anwfamily

      13 years ago

      Hey man, been a while since we last talked. One, how have you been, and two, I think you are a maggot leader on this site.

    • xBoW_cHiCkAx

      13 years ago

      Muahaha... Chinchilla :D

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      I wouldn't expect you to be on at this time! I thought you would be on part of your 16 a day sleep.

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      I'm sorry to have to say this, but tomb raider is crap! A bad choice of game there, the series should have died a long time ago.

      Why should I be jealous, I've got my own 360, and I've got better games then oli?

    • LooperX

      13 years ago

      Yeah, that's fine.

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      No, it is a story I'm doing, If you look at the previous journal all shall be explained

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      I have a quiz going on, if you are interested, and there is a reasonably high mod prize! Enter it, as I need some more contestants

    • MunKiy

      13 years ago

      rock on dude \m/

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      then you could probably win my competition....

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      you can't have fuckin' forgotten Slipknot!!!

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      Moyes... Please enter my competition.... the ones who have bothered are hopeless... you might know more.

    • umademedie34

      13 years ago

      slipnot sucks ass

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      check out my pics:
      here
      here
      and also the NSFW pics on the second one

    • LooperX

      13 years ago

      That sounds slightly homosexual. Maybe your love for Rhinos is your way of telling yourself that...

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      Yeah, I know, I have application forms, but I just haven't filled them out, besides, my handwriting's poor anyway so they will probably reject me... oh well, I'm sleeping and waking up later and later... I'm almost fucking nocturnal, nothing wrong with that, though.

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      I need a job...

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      I don't fucking know, you're probably right, i lost track

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      it's 2:11 in the morning, cut me some slack, I don't even know what day it is

    • FinweT

      13 years ago

      Are you alive or is this "ONLINE" thing showing that you're an animated corpse?

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      Just look near the bottom of my pics, and you'll see it, or you should do.

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      You may want to take a look at my succubus here I think you'll enjoy it :P

    • LooperX

      13 years ago

      No, it was one of my dad's empty cans with water in it.

    • LooperX

      13 years ago

      Try again.

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      YOUR ALIVE! Oli and myself were discussing if you were dead, a few minuites ago!

      So how have you been, apart fom bored, rired and depressed?

    • MunKiy

      13 years ago

      lol rock on dude \m/ love the last gif up top.

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      I thought I would have been as well, but meh!

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      Can you do me a favour? Can you send a message to this guy saying why I should be a spnser, if so you will be rewarded!

    • SnowBreathe

      13 years ago

      How Can I Be Your Friend

    • Alex_vanPutten

      13 years ago

      Check out my journal!!!

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