natemac82

Male
from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell

  • Activity

    • Missing my boy

      9 years ago

      natemac82

      So, before I left for my school, my parents came up from Indiana, to visit us. They took Jonah back with them. Figured it would give my wife a little less stress with work and all, while I'm gone. So, he's in the Hoosier state, hanging with his cousins, aunts and uncles, and having a great time. I've talked to him on the phone a few times, and he sounds so much older. It's been almost a month... Maybe it's just the fact that I'm away from him. He's such and awesome kid. Yeah, I know, I sound like a sappy, stereotypical dad, and if you're thinking that, then yeah, I am and screw you. My kid is freaking awesome, and I know it. He makes up for all the screwed up shit I've done in life. How many two year olds do you know, who can name almost every character in the Marvel Universe? That's what I thought. So, you're gonna get on me for raising a nerd? Yeah, he might be a nerd. But he's tough. Who says nerds can't be tough? I'm a nerd. I'd like to think I'm pretty tough. Two combat tours and a third on the way.
      Ok, got off track. My kid's awesome, you can suck it if you disagree.

    • Weekends End

      9 years ago

      natemac82

      Well, the Fourth of July weekend is closing, and its back to class tomorrow... Only two weeks left, then I get a small break from Army life for a week or so... Then its another week of class... Followed by another too short break... Then I'm packing up for "vacation". Still really torn on the emotional level about this... Things were much less confusing the first two times, when I didn't have a wife and kid to think about... Not so much scared... I've been through this stuff before... Just not looking forward to watching my kid grow up on a screen. The job doesn't bother me, I like to think I handle this kinda stress very well... Maybe too well. Maybe my brain's just been shaken up one to many times for me to be able to understand that I should be scared... Not that there's anything I could do about it if I wanted too. I've got a job to do, and I'm gonna do it. At least the pay's not too bad.

    • 9 years ago

      natemac82
    • Round Three

      9 years ago

      natemac82

      So, I'm getting ready for another "trip", in service to my country... Yes, I'm intentionally being unclear on details. This is my third deployment. But, my first on two counts; First one as a Combat Engineer (I was Military Police before). And, my first as a father and husband. So, yeah, its going to be tough. However, I seem to be the least upset about the whole thing. People who haven't even known me for that long are telling me to "get out of it". No, these people aren't in the military, they don't know how these things work. Even if I could get out of it, would I want to? No. I love my wife and son. But, I signed a contract. Not only that, I've met the guys I'm working with. They're a good crew. I can't bail on them. Especially as one in a leadership role. Plus, I know what I'm doing. I have the experiance, and knowledge, that these kids need. I'm not saying I'm a badass or some kind of super soldier...

      In a way, I guess I'm looking forward to it. It is what I signed up for. Emotionally... I'm doing pretty good. I guess I've always been good at getting my mind/feelings tuned to what I have to do. I'm pretty sure it drives my wife insane. She wants this big emotionally outpouring from me. I've never been like that. Especially when it comes to this stuff. I have to keep my focus.

      Not a clue why I'm sharing this. Guess I just need to let it out. Helps to roll things around in my head, if I type it out a bit... Money should be nice... I'll be debt free when I get back... with some left over too. And to answer the question, yes I am afraid. Anyone who's done this job before knows, you'd have to be an idiot to not be afraid. Its how you focus the fear. Use it. Control it, before it controls you... And, its not that I fear death. I've had a great life. Everyone dies. Why should death be feared? Besides, if I die doing what I love and what I'm proud of, I feel there's great honor in that. What I do fear is failure. Failing to do my job. Failing to do my job, to the best of my ability. The fear of someone else paying for my fuck up, with their life. That is what I fear.

    • Screw Your Holidays

      9 years ago

      natemac82

      I really hate the holidays this year. Its bad enough that people, in general, feel the need to force their religion upon you. Now, we get to this time of year, when every thing is laced with all kinds of religious non-sense. Its bad enough that the date of Christmas was choosen because it was a Pagan winter celebration, and once Roman made Christianity its official religion, it replaced Pagan holidays with Christian ones, to make it easier to assimulate the Pagan's into their new 'belief'. Before, different groups of Christian had fought over what day the 'birth' of their Christ was.
      Ok, way off track. I hate the fake kindness that this time of year brings out in people. I'm not always a nice person... In fact, I'm kind of a dick. But, I've always given to certain charities, and helped out people who need it. I don't need some bullshit reason to do so. And I don't need some made up holiday, based on a man-made religion, to have a good time with my family... Just a handle of Jack. Ok, that was a joke. We can have a great time without booze. We just choose not too. I guess I have become a little more hateful of religion... I've always tried to be open minded. There's nothing wrong with other practicing their choosen religion, just don't shove it in my face. I'm an atheist, and I don't run around quoting Stephen Hawkings or Darwin. I don't hunt people down and shove my books in their face. So I'm a bitter, god-hating bastard. Sue me. And fuck you too.

    • The Idiots Are Taking Over

      9 years ago

      natemac82

      How come everytime I get in a discussion about Obama, I'm called a racist, because I don't agree with the way he's running things? Never do I bring up anything have to do with his skin color, in my debates with friends. I mention his heath care plans, his strategy (or lack there of) in Iraq and Afghanistan, etc. His "supporters" are the first to mention anything having to do with race... So, that makes them the racist. Yes, you can be racist and support black people. Side note; Racism is any kind of discrimination regarding race, so not only white people are racist. People seem to forget that. You can be black, and be a racist. You can be white, vote for a black man, and still be racist. Why? Because, odds are you voted him him because he's black. You may lie, and say he's gonna change shit, but the true reason, is because he's black. That's racist. Again, I hold nothing against anyone based on their skin color. I'm just sick of idiots, thinking that if you don't like someone of a different race, you must be a racist. I really fucking hate stupid people, and people who make everything a race issue. Get over yourself. You're just as bad as the freaking white supremacy groups. Move forward, quit dwelling in the past.

    • Come On!

      in Forums > Come On! | Follow this topic

      natemac82

      What? A group on true punk, and no one's posting?? COME ON! We've got so much to defend! Like people calling this new garbage from Green Day, 'punk'... What?? And the new Rancid album, that is testiment to punk still being alive and well! Lets hear something people!

      5 replies

    • Sleepless Night

      10 years ago

      natemac82

      I know no one's going to read this... But I've got shit I've gotta get out. Another night and no sleep. This is getting old. But, all the shrinks want to pump medicine into me. I don't want that. I want someone to help me get this shit out of my brain. Not that I'm ashamed of what I did with the Army... There are just some things I would like to forget about. Friends I would like to have back. Since '03, I've lost four good friends. And the worst part, not in way soldiers should die. Thats the main thing that gets to me. The lives I've ended have never bothered me. But, the lives I could have saved, and didn't... Thats what kills me. How do you get over holding a dying 7 year old in your arms? Just to have him yanked away, and told "Its not our problem, Sergeant, get your ass back in your truck." Who says that? Has humanity fallen that far? I say fuck that. I hope that fucker suffers worse than anyone ever could. I could have saved that boy. Now, I see his eyes, everytime I look at my son. And I cry inside. Nothing is left of the person I once was. That is good and bad. I know things now that I never could have known, if not for the path I took. But, knowledge brings sadness. No matter where I go, I never belong. My family will never understand why I stopped believing in god. My wife will never know why I can't open up completely. I'm too compassionate for the Military, but too violent for civilian life. Guess thats why I like living in the middle of nowhere. Less people for me to hurt. Fuck this shit.

    • Can't Take Much More

      10 years ago

      natemac82

      First, let me say that I love my son to death. He means more to me than anything else in the world. That being said, his morning cartoons are driving me insane. This new Mickey Mouse show is just plain dumb. Its all CG now, and kind of creepy... Handy Manny, I can still stand for now... But its getting close... Should have taken that first shift job, instead of working nights...

    • Fuck Easter

      10 years ago

      natemac82

      I hate celebrating most holidays, anyway... But Easter really chaps my ass. What the fuck do eggs and rabbits have to do with some Zombie-Son-of-God climbing out of the ground? Oh, thats right... They're hold overs from old Pagan spring celebrations. Rabbits and eggs are symbols of fertility, and spring is the time of year when everything starts grow again... Again, Christians shoved their holiday in on top of someone else's, to draw more attention to themselves. And the thing with ham being the choice meat for Easter meals? That's pretty much a big 'Fuck You' to the Jews, from the Christians.
      Stupid holidays... Fourth of July is awesome... But, they're all pretty much just reasons for me and my father-in-law to get shit faced, an annoy everyone else.

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