nicola77

Female
from Wake Forest, NC

  • Activity

    • Title

      8 years ago

      nicola77

      Can't you see that it's just raining
      Ain't no need to go outside...
      But baby, you hardly even notice
      When I try to show you this
      Song is meant to keep ya
      From doing what you're supposed to
      Like waking up too early
      Maybe we can sleep in
      I'll make you banana pancakes
      Pretend like it's the weekend now

      And we could pretend it all the time
      Can't you see that it's just raining
      Ain't no need to go outside

      But just maybe, laka ukulele
      Mommy made a baby
      Really don't mind the breakfast
      'cause you're my little lady
      Lady lady love me
      'cause I love to lay here lazy
      We could close the curtains
      Pretend like there's no world outside

      And we could pretend it all the time
      Can't you see that it's just raining
      Ain't no need to go outside
      Ain't no need ain't no need
      Can't you see can't you see
      Rain all day
      And I don't mind.

      The telephone is singing
      Ringing it's too early
      Don't pick it up
      We don't need to we got everything
      We need right here
      And everything we need is enough
      Just so easy
      When the whole world fits inside of your arms
      Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
      Wake up slow, yeah wake up slow
      You hardly even notice
      When I try to show you this
      Song is meant to keep ya
      From doing what your supposed to
      Like waking up too early
      Maybe we can sleep in
      I'll make you banana pancakes
      Pretend like it's the weekend now

      And we could pretend it all the time
      Can't you see that it's just raining
      Ain't no need to go outside
      Ain't no need, ain't no need
      Rain all day and I really really really don't mind
      Can't you see can't you see,
      You gotta wake up slow

    • 9 years ago

      nicola77
    • I miss you.

      10 years ago

      nicola77

      In four days, on this Friday, it will mark the six month period I’ve had to let go, it’s unbelievable that I’ve taken so much time and wasted so many days missing my father, but still being unable to accept the fact that I’ll never look into his eyes again. His beautiful eyes and all they are now is a pile of ashes. In five days I’ll be behind a inflatable bunker smiling and firing shells of paint at people I may never have a conversation with, I’ll looking at the ground waiting to turn and pour my heart and soul into the game I’ve been playing for one short year. I’ll be holding in my hands what some would call a toy, and others would call a weapon, I call it an article of closure, a mass of pricelessness because in this month one year ago I stood beside my father with a huge grin on my face and choose this gun to be the one I’d be holding as I learned and became the best I could at the sport I loved. I named it Guido after my father. In four days I’ll look into the eyes of so many people and on that day I’ll shed tears of both joyous memories and I’ll loose control of my emotions. I can’t say that I’m as sad now as I was the day I looked into the devastated eyes of my mother and I couldn’t bear to stand on my own two feet knowing he was gone. On January 17th my uncle called my mother and told her that my father had died of a severe heart attack. On January 17th I cried in disbelief and horror I looked into two of my best friends eyes and let go as I cried in Josh’s arms I held in my arms the gun he bought and cried into one of the shirts he left in my room last time he visited.. The very last time he visited. I just remember telling him how happy I finally felt for the first time in so long that he was going to be living with us again, that he was coming home and staying home for good now, I was scared that it would be hard having him home but my excitement had overwhelmed my whole existence and all I could think about was him. I remember calling him and he didn’t answer, I remember pacing around the basement floor on January 15th and leaving him a voicemail about how much I loved him and how happy I was he was coming home.. I never found out if he heard that voicemail but I hope beyond hope that he got to hear my voice one last time, I never told him I forgave him for all the pain he caused me but I always told him I loved and missed him. I back in north Carolina and despite the immense love I feel from so many people it can never truly stem the pain I feel now. I watch my sisters eyes fill with disgust at my very existence and I listen day in and day out to my mother telling me that I have to be successful and in my mind I feel her regret in me, that I am a failure at all I do and that she has nothing to be proud of me for, and who could blame her because after a decade and a half of life I have very little to show for all I’ve done. I feel my best friend slipping away to the same coma of depression that took my sister from me and I cry wanting to hold him in my arms wanting to take everything I can take everything that I am and change his dark outlook into that of one of love for the world we walk each day. I continue to try and get better at paintball and I never give up on school I never stop trying even if trying is a waste of time because I want to be able to feel that my father could look down on me in his heavenly triumph and smile, and be so proud of the daughter he raised, and feel comfort in the fact that she isn’t going to fail any longer and that she will become something great no matter how long it takes. These past few months each day has felt like hell I try and take solace in the fact that I do make a few people happy, I hold back tears each time I am told that my eyes are beautiful because when I look into the mirror all that looks back at me is a hideous failure, one who takes the love she has now for granted, and spends all her time wishing and pretending that she will be ok. I have been told that while the colors of mine and my fathers eyes are different that they look so much alike and it breaks my heart that his are gone, and that I look to much like him. In a way I proud in the fact that I will carry him with me.

    • About Me :

      11 years ago

      nicola77

      Some people write in their about me's that it is hard to describe themselves in the about me section. I don't know how to describe myself but I can tell you something that I can't say in person no matter how hard I try.

      At the moment I am sitting in the living room of one of my best friends, Forrest, house. For the past few weeks all I've thought about is how foolish I have been. Sometime in the middle of July my mother told me we were moving to the state of Maryland. At first all I thought about was how angry I was at my mother. Now we are done moving done unpacking and last thursday [ Aug 7th ] I came back back to nc for a visit. I am going back to Maryland tomorrow [ Aug 16 ] and though it was a bitter sweet week I relized this week how and why I was so foolish. I was ignorant to how happy and lucky I was to be in the place I called my home. I was ignorant because I never Imagined anything like this to happen.

      Ever since we put an offer on a house in maryland my heart has hurt and my mind has been left a discontent bundle of confusion. My thoughts have remained unclear until this point. My heart had accepted the truth before my mind itself, I know this for a fact because every time I looked at one of my friends ( I believe the first time this happened was at the park with chris ) I wondered what the relationship between this person and I would end up as. Would we drift apart or would we stay close. Absense makes the heart grow fonder however distance can make drifting easier.

      I look at the people I love and I wonder if we can be strong enough to stay close and if it can be easier than we think.

      I will take each and every opportunity I get with my old friends to enjoy our time together because the people I love are the only thing keeping me on my feet at this point.

      This whole time I've felt asleep its all I have thought about I've dreamed over and over of wakeing up in july and haveing the chance to live life the right way in the place I love more than I ever relized until it was being ripped away from me.

      On that note I now have grown beyond the hopes of wakeing up back in July and haveing this whole experience been some sort of enlightening nightmare. I can only Imagine how sweet the air would taste and how good the sun would feel wakeing up and feeling safe and at home again.

      I want to make new friends but I've never agreed with out with the old and in with the new because the old things are the most familar. North Carolina will always be my home. Actually Wake Forrest will always be my home. Maryland however may become a place I enjoy but only with time. Only patentice and a level of hope can make or break this new life for me.

      Let me finish with saying that I love North Carolina. I've had a good life and moving was the hardest thing I've ever done in my short life. Moving still feels unreal and impossible to get through, but I know that with the friends that do stay tight with me and with the strength this hardship will harden unto I will survive my life will never be the same, dream or not, stuck or not, happy or not, I will never be exactly the same person but it's not a change that can be described as better or worse. Simply indescriable. Let this new life be a good one whether it takes weeks months or even the last four years I am a kid let this new life grow into something beautiful. I will find peace even if it is impossible I will never stop searching.

    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
    • 2019 years ago

      nicola77
  • About Me

  • Comments (50)

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      I am sorry. Well look on the bright side..... love interests come and go but who you are after a break up defines whom you will be the rest of your life. From what I have noticed, you are obviously well versed so you are smart, by your pictures you seem funny and sassy by the style of pictures you take, and then by how you look.... well lets just leave it at beautiful with amazing eyes. Anything more and you will get the wrong idea smiley8.gif But seriously, you will find a new love worthy of you, and hopefully he will be just as amazing as you seem to be. So cheer up.

      As for work, everyone is unemployed right now. Unemployment is at 11%, that is a crap ton! Normally we are at like 2-4%. Things will get better, I promise.

      So what else is on your mind?

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Yeah. Now i just need a steady job again that I can also do while going back to school. Thanks btw.

      So what is new in your life?

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Mom was a single mother. Lost her job, older sister didn't help out and younger sister was still 11 so I had to get a full time job and step up as bread winner. Once this was done, suddenly my mom is disabled and still doesn't work.... however I don't help her out like I once did, her job pension has come in to play in the past few years.

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Yeah well .... kids piss me off but oh well, I should have finished at the university years ago.

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      If you say so.... it kind of sucks. I am back in school with a bunch of people that act like they are still in high school.

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Doing alright.... I am still alive I guess.
      At the university full time again.

      smiley13.gifsmiley13.gifsmiley13.gif

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      No problem dear. Just being honest.

      Hope you are doing well. Whats new???

      smiley13.gifsmiley13.gifsmiley13.gif

    • shadow1107

      10 years ago

      sorry i didnt wish you a happy birthday -_-

    • shadow1107

      10 years ago

      ...lets just say not well how are you?

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Hey you.

      How have you been doing?

    • MASTERKJ2791

      10 years ago

      hello

    • Rokoshiru

      10 years ago

      Its very hard in the beginning to just continue being yourself, especially when it feels like you've left behind every part of you that makes you .. well .. YOU. But hun (if you dont mind me calling you that), what makes you who you are is how you choose to react to all thats happening. I mean, it can be hard, and I am by no means telling you to "get over it", all I'm saying is that you dont have to feel like you have left anything behind. I mean, I know its not the same, not being able to hang out with your friends like you used to, not being able to just go out and do what you want like you used to be able to, and especially not having the comfortable-familiar feeling of home that you have been used to for so long, but you ARE the same person you were when you were in NC. What makes you who you are - are the things you do, the way you behave, the things you like, the other stuff that you dont, the way you look at things, .... the person you want to be. If anything, these are the things that came to you, or brought the people that you cherish so much to you. And by not being able to be "yourself", that is what you would be leaving behind.

      Now, personally, I dont know you too well, but from what I can tell, you're a really nice person, someone people love to have around. Dont lose that side of yourself. I know its hard not to now, but in order to make it back to being yourself and to everything that you're used to, you just gotta take a chance .. and allow yourself to. And I'm not just saying that, its what I've learned to do too.

      Well, I guess that'll be enough of the Dr. Phil session for now, but I'm just trying to say that, you dont have to feel like you're leaving anything behind. And all those relationships that you are worried about, I promise you, they will stand strong like before, you just gotta put in the effort to keep them like that.


      ~ I really hope my rant helps, and if I said something I shouldnt have, I'm sorry. I hope you are doing well at least. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.

    • _Dargus_

      10 years ago

      not a problem.
      how are you?

    • Rokoshiru

      10 years ago

      Hey! Thanks for the add. Sorry for the randomness-ity of it all but I saw your journal, which I got to by jumping through another friend, and I .. .I know where you're coming from. I've faced a similar situation, regrettably often and I just thought that I understand how hard it is on you. So, I just wanted to say, there's no relationship like true friendship because neither the hands of time, nor that of distance can wear it thin. TRANSLATION: You can make it through anything with your friend and nothing can change that.

      Well, once again, sorry for all the randomness of it all, but if you'd like to talk, I'll be more than happy to listen.

    • Valarious

      10 years ago

      i loved and appreciated your journal. nice to meet you

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      So how are you nicole? How was your day?

    • MASTERKJ2791

      10 years ago

      do you play castle crashers a lot

    • MASTERKJ2791

      10 years ago

      i like ur pics they look very very sexy

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      Yeah but kicking back is important too you know.

    • TheMatt

      10 years ago

      I am alright. Thanks for answering back. I have been pretty bored at work today.

    • MASTERKJ2791

      10 years ago

      i have you on watch

    • TheMatt

      11 years ago

      So how are you doing today?

    • TheMatt

      11 years ago

      Best Mountain dew I ever had..... The Taco Bell Baha Blast Mountain dew is good too, but the halo one is the best.

      So i saved some.... for when I get nostalgic.

    • TheMatt

      11 years ago

      Thanks for the add Nicole.

    • awolkilla

      11 years ago

      When does your school start?

    • awolkilla

      11 years ago

      Why did u leave the thread?

    • TheMatt

      11 years ago

      Nice to meet you.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Doubt you'll like it. smiley4.gif
      FLCL: Episode 1
      Part One.
      Part Two.
      Part Three.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Meow.

    • native_bacon

      11 years ago

      lol awsome

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Demetri Martin: If I.
      Part One.
      Part Two.
      Part Three.
      Part Four.
      Part Five.
      Part Six.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Nikki! I need your help! Vote for me here! I can be a mod and kick more ass! Yay!

    • Anonymous24

      11 years ago

      if u got on uno with us u can. since i have a cam now.

    • Anonymous24

      11 years ago

      that hair is a wig. but its not far off. mine is just a little more curly.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      What are you doing on so late?

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Steve's picture is here now.

    • awolkilla

      11 years ago

      i am trying to convince brody's mom to let us go to raleigh

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      I didn't mean for people to do anti-war things, just try to make an effort to make the world a better place. Yes you're right, fresh words are needed. I try my best to come up with them for myself, but it always seems what I want to say has already been said by John Lennon.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Are you already in Maryland?

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Yes, I know. How are you?

    • shadow1107

      11 years ago

      o hi whats up?

    • shadow1107

      11 years ago

      .....why you no talk?

    • shadow1107

      11 years ago

      hi

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      Did my jokes upset you?

    • Phantexxx

      11 years ago

      :-/

    • BrownUSA

      11 years ago

      How are you today? smiley1.gif

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      I'll be on at like, 12:15.

    • MrJacinto Hey I'm Grump

      11 years ago

      Wow, a level 10 already. I guess that's whathappens when you're a decent gamer girl and you decide to post your pics on a game fan site crawling with perverted virgins.

      Sad, really. I worked really hard to get my level 22. Good luck filtering your future comments.

      And yes, I have seen what is happenning to you before. Kryptonite and Kikilovesit are mere examples.

    • southparkboy

      11 years ago

      I smiley12.gif you!

    • barks94

      13 years ago

      so nicol did you get your xbox live working smiley10.gif

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