from Rockiln Nova Scotia Canada

  • Activity

    • redneck oil change

      13 years ago


      The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

      1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

      2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

      3. Open a beer and drink it.

      4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

      5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

      6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

      7. Place drain pan under engine.

      8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

      9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

      10. Unscrew drain plug.

      11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

      12. Clean up.

      13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

      14. Look for oil filter wrench.

      15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

      16. Beer.

      17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

      18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

      19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

      20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

      21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

      22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

      23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

      24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

      25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

      26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

      27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

      28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

      29. Begin cussing fit.

      30. Throw wrench.

      31. Cuss and complain.

      32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

      33. Beer.

      34. Beer.

      35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

      36. Beer.

      37. Lower car from jack stands

      38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

      39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

      40. Test drive car

      41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

      42. Car gets impounded.

      43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

      Money Spent:

      $50 parts

      $12 beer

      $75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

      $1000 Bail

      $200 Impound and towing fee

      Total: $1337

    • redneck driving application

      13 years ago


      A driving application
      Redneck Driver's Application
      Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

      Last name: ________________

      First name:
      [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
      [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
      [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
      [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
      [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
      [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

      Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
      Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
      Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
      [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
      [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
      [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

      Spouse's Name: __________________________
      2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
      3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
      Lover's Name: __________________________
      2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

      Relationship with spouse:
      [_] Sister [_] Aunt
      [_] Brother [_] Uncle
      [_] Mother [_] Son
      [_] Father [_] Daughter
      [_] Cousin [_] Pet

      Number of children living in household: ___
      Number of children living in shed: ___
      Number of children that are yours: ___

      Mother's Name: _______________________
      Father's Name: _______________________

      Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
      If you obtained a higher education what was your
      [_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

      Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

      Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
      ___ Total number of vehicles you own
      ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
      ___ Number of vehicles in front yard
      ___ Number of vehicles in back yard
      ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

      Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
      are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

      Firearms you own and where you keep them:
      ____ truck ____ kitchen
      ____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
      ____ shed ____ pawnshop

      Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

      Do you have a gun rack?
      [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

      Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
      [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
      [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
      [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

      ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
      ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
      ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

      How often do you bathe:
      [_] Weekly
      [_] Monthly
      [_] Not Applicable

      How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
      Color of teeth:
      [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
      [_] Brown [_] Black
      [_] N/A

      Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
      [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

      How far is your home from a paved road?
      [_] 1 mile
      [_] 2 miles
      [_] don't know

    • Redneck gets shot

      13 years ago


      A redneck gets shot
      At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

      "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

      "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

      "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

    • i will accept random requests

      13 years ago


      i will accept all random friend requests

    • 2019 years ago

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  • About Me

  • Comments (14)

    • godlyman101

      12 years ago


    • godlyman101

      12 years ago

      you love man balls!

    • godlyman101

      12 years ago

      you are gay!

    • godlyman101

      12 years ago

      stop watching pron, you horny basterd

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      today is a great day the equallity of slaves and sexual icons!!! the sexual icons now have the right to have clothing!!!

    • Metallikat

      13 years ago

      yeah erm thanks for the piccy comment and im not phonin no numbers! lol i could b a man for all u knew! hahahahhaha!

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      p|-|33R T|-|3 133T

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      big badd Tyler, your definatly gonna kill someone, one of these days with those pipes of arms on ya, its just gonna be like WACK the guy is gonna be out, right though the window he is standing beside.

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      myyy monkey you stole him!!! and leave his hairy balls alone...

    • haloal

      13 years ago

      so how is everyone?

    • GoddinBlade

      13 years ago

      angre reminds me of soup?

    • qscgyjm

      13 years ago

      mjkonjkin jiknkiomnjionjio

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      monkeyyyy monkey monkeyy

    • godlyman101

      13 years ago

      hows she going eh?

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