rastapimp

Male
from Waynesboro, MS

  • Activity

    • What's going on here!

      10 years ago

      rastapimp

      This site over the past couple of years has changed dramatically, Of course I'm not nearly the troll I used to be, These days I don't even check the site out more than once a month. I don't really know what happened I just grew tired of it over time I guess. I have recently cleared most f everyone from my watchlist because lets face it why watch those people when I really don't anymore. I love this site and it has been really great but I was wondering if anyone else from the good ol' days are beginning to feel the same way. Oddly enough I spend most of my online time on facebook as I have become addicted to Mousehunt, Fishwrangler, and Hammerfall. If any of you play these games then you know what I am talking about. I keep telling myself that I will get back into it over here but I'm so behind I wouldn't even know where to start. This is Troy signing off for now..

    • Joke of the Trifecta

      10 years ago

      rastapimp

      1
      A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."

      "I know!" grinned the patient. "But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."



      2
      The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

      Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

      When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

      He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

      As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

      Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

      Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

      Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.



      3
      A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

    • Joke of the

      10 years ago

      rastapimp




      This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

      NAME: Greg Bulmash

      SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

      DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

      DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

      EDUCATION: Yes.

      LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

      SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

      MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

      REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

      HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

      PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

      DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

      MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

      DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

      DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

      HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

      DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

      WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

      DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

      SIGN HERE: Aries.

    • #1 on my watchlist

      10 years ago

      rastapimp

      burnie

      200 new journal entries.
      16 new images.
      60 new forum topics:

      · Grifball
      · Grifball Forum
      · Test.
      · Announcement Thread
      · Team Recruiting
      · Pre-League Discussion: Structure
      · Pre-League Discussion: Stats
      · Multi-Team
      · Highlight Reels
      · GRIFBALL WINTER LEAGUE SIGNUPS
      · Looking for Team. Winter League
      · Winter League now starts Jan 8th.
      · Guest Accounts?
      · Teams So Far
      · Registrations Close in Thirteen Hours
      · Last Ditch Team Recruiting
      · Registrations for GBW are now closed.
      · ATTENTION ALL TEAMS
      · Grifball.com Previews Tonight
      · GBWL: Bye Weeks
      · GBWL: Question Thread
      · Network Issues
      · TWO RULE CHANGES 1.9.2008
      · Mid-League Pickups
      · I want to play Grifball but...
      · Captain's Update 11/12/2008
      · GBWL08 Team Cutting and New Teams Chance
      · New Teams for GBWL08
      · Recruiting for New Teams Opportunity
      · Two Teams Replaced, Two to Go
      · GBWL: RULE CHANGE and LAG GUIDELINES
      · Highlight Submission Guidelines
      · Jan 18th Update
      · GBWL08: Jan 21st
      · Week 2 Highlight Reel
      · New to Grifball?
      · Mid-Season Power Rankings
      · Highlights Week 3
      · Highlights Week 4
      · GBWL08 Final Rankings and Playoffs
      · Grifball.com Dev Update Feb 20 2008
      · Looking for Commish
      · Congratulation
      · It's Live!
      · All New Grifball Question thread
      · Grifball Registrations Info & Feedback
      · First Pass at Divisions
      · Social Highlights are up
      · GBSL08 Map Discussion
      · UK League Delayed Start
      · Sword Conference URLs
      · Hammer Conference URLs
      · Grifball.com Bug Thread
      · Grifball Shirts Are Here
      · GBSL08 Playoff Thread!
      · Summer League and New Commissioner
      · POLL: Tournament or League?
      · Dark Knight Spoiler Thread
      · Movie Forum Moderation
      · Should we make an XBL Arcade forum?

      [ Clear Alerts ]

      geoff
      geoff
      Guh
      ONLINE
      89 new journal entries.
      18 new images.

      [ Clear Alerts ]

    • Joke of the

      10 years ago

      rastapimp

      Here is yer Joke:

      The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
      father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
      arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
      here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
      photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

      "Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
      "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
      "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
      babies"
      "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

      After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
      "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
      couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
      fun too; you can really spread out!"
      "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
      "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
      try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
      angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
      "My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
      "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
      and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
      "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

      The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
      baby pictures.
      "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
      "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
      "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
      mother was so difficult to work with"
      "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
      "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
      done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
      a good look"
      "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
      "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
      mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
      Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
      squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
      Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
      um......equipment?"
      "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
      can get to work."
      "Tripod?????"
      "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
      me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
      fainted!!"


    • I'm BAAAACK!

      10 years ago

      rastapimp

      After an extremely long hiatus I am officially back. well maybe not for full time but you can expect to see plenty more jokes coming your way from my journal If any of you are still out there and remember me that is. I like what they've done with the place, kinda cozy I might have to settle in for a while. Joke of the week coming up soon and I look forward to hearing from all of you.

      L8ers.

    • Joke of the MONTH!!!!

      12 years ago

      rastapimp

      Which Hole

      Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

      "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

      The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

      The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

      The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

      The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

      "Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.

    • Joke of the MONTH!!!!

      12 years ago

      rastapimp

      Guess who's Back!

      Top 6 Smartass Answers,

      SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

      SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

      SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

      SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

      SMARTASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

      SMARTASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand

    • Joke of the day

      12 years ago

      rastapimp

      Sunbathing Bananas Prove Skeptical


      Two bananas are laying on the beach when a turd comes floating by and says, "Come on in, the waters great!" One banana turns to the other and says, "You believe that shit?"

    • Joke of the day

      12 years ago

      rastapimp

      F’d Your Mom

      Two guys are sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says:

      "I fucked your mom last night, rode her for hours."

      Shaking his head the other man says:

      "I think you've had enough to drink, Dad."

  • About Me

  • Comments (46)

    • conkerbirdy

      11 years ago

      HOLY CRAP THAT JOKE WAS SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

    • killer2009

      12 years ago

      same here, between school, sports, and my job i'm really busy

    • killer2009

      12 years ago

      sup man?

    • icehcky8

      12 years ago

      Some douche stole your old avatar.

    • axeman FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      I demand new journals!

    • betty1015

      13 years ago

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    • carzy_man

      13 years ago

      thats a nice pic.

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      honestly i have no idea what kind of set-up
      all i know is i have 2 symbals, one that has a pettle on it
      a bass, a snare, and 3 other drums
      the brand is enforcer

    • icehcky8

      13 years ago

      Welcome back to my friends list and watchlist.

    • icehcky8

      13 years ago

      I'm back muthaf*cka! Cleared out everything though, including friends and watchlists. I'm leaving my FRs open to all my removed friends, and I'm putting whoever of them sends me one on watch. I wanted to kinda start over.

    • brantner

      13 years ago

      u have some cool pics

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      yea its pretty cool, i have been playing my friends modded xbox a lot, so i haven't been playing the 360 a lot

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      hey whats up?
      I miss your jokes

    • icehcky8

      13 years ago

      Yeah I've bee wondering about Haxx0r myself he lives only about an hour from me anyways. maybe I'll see him in the mall one day and bell all like hey what the fuck happened to you on RvB? And he'll be all like, Who the fuck are you?!


      Haha, that'd be awesome. I have another way of getting in touch with him, but I don't wanna bug him.

    • rastapimp

      13 years ago

      I'm running low now wondering if I'll have enough to make it through the month of givies.

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      how many mods do you have?

    • icehcky8

      13 years ago

      I'm alive, but really really busy. We have study days starting Thursday, so I'll have time then.

    • PUSHPOP

      13 years ago

      thanks2004.jpg

    • halo2freak45

      13 years ago

      HI! sup?

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      so whats up?

      ~killer2009~

    • AmandaJ3162

      13 years ago

      Probably not. We have no real need for it, since we don't use it to film.

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      hell yea i reserved the $400 one along with 9 games
      and im getting an xbox live gold card

      ~killer2009~

    • killer2009

      13 years ago

      you must have a lot of free time

    • gruntman321

      13 years ago

      thcatattack5ay.gif

    • icehcky8

      13 years ago

      WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! ICEMAN DOESN'T DIE. GOOSE DOES. WATCH THE MOVIE AGAIN! Iceman and Maverick are rivals who become like best friends at the end. Figure it out.

    • 4ToedSloth

      13 years ago

      T-ROY! what up bro! just got an account and im stickin ya on my list.

    • SpadeEXE

      13 years ago

      Here, have mine...

      friend-request-sig.jpg

    • SoWhat1

      13 years ago

      sup

    • trackstar979

      13 years ago

      hey sexy

    • cheez123123

      13 years ago

      HEY

    • HatHead

      13 years ago

      where is today's joke?? smiley0.gif

    • HatHead

      13 years ago

      ha ha - joke of the day - good idea...good news on the raise!

    • WiseDRGN

      13 years ago

      Not much in the goods.. but the journal does satisfy.. very kewl..

    • whosmisled

      13 years ago

      he was going to be offline for awhile and drew that up for everyone on his friends list

    • Lukie

      13 years ago

      If you want me to pimp you out, just let me know, comment in the journal, I said "YOu and your friends" and that includes you.

    • dextergrif22

      13 years ago

      yes, yes i can...spinach is no hard feat! lol.

    • AlexTheLion

      13 years ago

      yes I am

    • rastapimp

      13 years ago

      will do

    • haloperson

      13 years ago

      hey make sure you are really watching alexthelion because he will check in his next journal so please post it in...

    • betty1015

      13 years ago

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      YY___YY
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      _YYYYY_
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      __AAA__
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      AA___AA
      AAAAAAA
      AA___AA

    • haloperson

      13 years ago

      please check out my journal!!!

    • AceFace89

      14 years ago

      I'm Just gonna go out on a limb here, and say you're pro-Bush.

      Awesome, Bush rulez

    • Fallout

      14 years ago

      Hmm... well I figure you added me to your freinds so I should drop a comment on your page. Bob Marley forever!

    • Wolfcoyote

      14 years ago

      I work at Wal*Mart as well.

    • 2inches

      14 years ago

      I WORKED AT WAL MART 2, 3rd shift baby stock boy!

    • sadistkitty

      14 years ago

      Thanks for befriending lil' o' mee..

  • Questions

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