roosterman

Male
from Lewisville, TX

  • Activity

    • Return

      6 years ago

      roosterman

      Hey everyone. I've returned, at least for the time being. I don't know if any of my friends are still active, but I'd like to reiterate how much I appreciate your comments and encouragement over the years. My journals here were often a means for me to vent my feelings and frustrations, how ever immature they may have been at times. You responded faithfully to every one of them and made me feel understood. That's a special thing to have, and you are special people. That being said, I considered deleting all my posts and starting over. I look back at my past with some degree of embarrassment and shame, as I suppose many people do. I also have some misgivings about my personal thoughts remaining exposed for all of the internet to see. But after reading a few of them I realized, this was my life that I wrote about. The journals may not be important to anyone, and none of my words are necessarily profound... but that exposure and openness is what allowed us to be friends and to have a real connection beyond just sharing interests. Considering the value I've placed on that, I'm not quite prepared to give them up.

      I hope this will stick and that I can get reacquainted with some of you, as well as meet some new folks. Here goes.

    • Finality

      9 years ago

      roosterman

      I'm getting to the point where everything in my near future seems to have a sort of finality to it. I've been in college for over four years, and for the most part I'll be done with that in May. Unless something specifically compels me to stay in Denton, I'll be moving in June. This opens new doors of course. I'll start working again, even though I'm really at a loss to say what kind of job I want to do. Occasionally I'll wish that I specialized more with my degree, but then I can imagine feeling pretty trapped in that situation... and I'm glad that I set myself to studying society, and thought, and the questions of life rather than what would amount to a single set of skills. It won't be as much of a problem finding a job that I'm qualified for as it will be finding one that's unique enough to actually be interesting. A lot will be different when I move. Something about being here solely for school always made my apartment feel like a temporary home. I've never decorated, and it's surprising sometimes to think about the things that have remained exactly the same for two years. For a lot of that time I was reclusive while in Denton, and I practically never had company. Occasionally Jared and Allen would stop by, and things are different this semester with Jared and Kristi living in town, but in all that time I've never made real friends here. I don't expect to meet new people more often regardless of where I live really, but I'm looking forward to being closer to all my friends back home again.

      So that's the good kind of finality, where something ends and a new opportunity begins. I suppose this is the bad kind. With Rebekah's encouragement I had a talk with Brittany, in order to get a straight answer about what I already knew but didn't want to accept. She told me that she has no romantic feelings for me, that she had tried, but just couldn't see me as more than a friend. So that's over with... and it's been okay so far, but I haven't had to see her since then. The sad part isn't losing her, because I'll still have her in my life just as much. I suppose it's the fact that this doesn't lead anywhere... and I'm not any closer to anything than I was before.

    • Turning Point

      9 years ago

      roosterman

      I've been holding onto this entry for a week now, debating whether or not I really want to post it. It reflects a vulnerability that I've often expressed here, one which I'm frankly becoming ashamed of. But I think that makes it all the more fitting, and hopefully therapeutic, that I'm sharing it here once again in a new light.


      What constitutes a personal turning point? I wonder if there's any one good definition. Maybe it's when we realize that an aspect of our character, part of our mode of operation, hasn't been working for a good long while. Something about the way we act isn't helping us, it's hurting us. I try to pick up on things that I want to change about myself, and I've posted a few of them here. But sometimes greater patterns of thinking slide right past that self-analysis, cause more and more dissatisfaction, and finally it all comes to a head.

      I have friends who are on the more emotional side, and some who aren't. It isn't always split between genders. I'm on the more emotional side, after all. One of those friends who hardly seems troubled by anything once told me that the only time he cried in the last four years was when he realized that he hated the person he was. Another close friend, one who has never expressed more than the slightest inkling of loneliness from a romantic standpoint despite always being single, recently told me that he feels markedly depressed because he realized he wants to be with someone and doesn't think he can. On one hand, sharing some of the same feelings with him made me feel a bit better about my own situation, and vice versa -- on the other hand, I was staring the full extent of my own weakness in the face.

      I am obsessive when it comes to romantic ideas. I've written more than enough journals that are prime testaments to that. What's ridiculous is that I like to think I'm conservative in this regard. I don't pursue very many women at all... but what I lack in volume I make up for with intensity. And there's nothing healthy about that, nor has it ever been productive. All it does is make those pursuits appear to consume me, and my life seems to hinge upon them. I don't like that image at all. I've put myself in situations where I like someone who is temporarily unattainable, and then I proceed to focus my attention on them indefinitely until something changes. I don't know if it's on purpose, something subconscious... but it might as well be, because I enjoy having someone to strive for. Trying and then failing right away wouldn't give me that.

      I wish that I could stop this pattern in its tracks, because I'm tired of feeling weak, and pathetic, and desperate. Even saying the words and being compelled to post yet another journal about it offends me. But I'm not sure that I can make this my turning point. I still care very much for Brittany, and I can't have her right now because she isn't willing to be with anybody right now. Part of me says that if she liked me enough, anywhere near as much as I like her, that would make the difference for her. The greater part of me, my wishful thinking, says that I just have to give her more time. Then maybe there can be something between us when she's ready. The fact remains that wishful thinking has been at the core of my problem. I just don't think I can risk giving up on her. One way or another, she's the most important person in my life. If I try to get over the way I feel about her, it could make it difficult to spend time with her for quite some time. Maybe that's inevitable. I really don't know what to do.

    • Understanding

      9 years ago

      roosterman

      I used to think I understood people pretty well. That was arrogant. Not in an overt, obnoxious sort of way, but on a personal level. I made too many assumptions and then treated them as fact, probably because I didn't have anything more to go on. I suppose it goes along with my prior resolution not to judge people too confidently based on intuition. But this is more. Even when I'm earnestly trying to figure out someone who I think I know well, I've found that I can still end up being very wrong. I've been thinking about what that means.

      It seems like in order to function and interact with others, we have to create what amounts to an incomplete image of each person in our minds. What we don't know, we sort of fill in or glaze over, eventually either confusing the filler with fact or simply acting according to our best guess. We're compelled to be prepared, to expect what someone will say or do and then already know how to react. On a more complex level, we often need to learn what someone is all about -- what they feel, what they want out of life, what troubles them, what their principles are, how their thought processes work -- inferring it all from casual contact and observation. Ultimately we frame someone according to our own model at first, expecting them to think and behave more or less as we do, then being surprised when that doesn't prove correct and attempting to form a more accurate image of them for next time. This isn't how we become close to people... that takes a lot of trust and familiarity and mutual comfort to establish. But it is how we gain understanding of someone, and the closeness can make that immeasurably easier. Even physical, affectionate closeness seems to have the potential to tell you a lot about someone. Even if it just tells you that they want to be held, and they want you to be the one to hold them. Maybe I'm digressing a bit.

      There are quite a few people in my life who I've been fortunate enough to consider close to me. Some of them I understand better than others, and all of them in varying ways. Inevitably I will be surprised by what someone says or does, and have to reevaluate who they are in my mind. It's all a part of life, and things would be pretty boring if we were as smart as we sometimes think we are. We mature as our friendships grow, due in great part to what is learned from the mistakes that we make when we miscalculate others.

      It isn't always as easy as just making a realization. A lot of times I don't know what to think of new developments, and my image of someone will get blurrier rather than clearer. Especially when someone feels a lot differently than the way they outwardly represent themselves. I don't know which face to see... or if I'm just trying to see one that isn't quite there. Wishful thinking always jumps on that uncertainty and tries to create a person who meets our needs for love or consideration or attention, in lieu of knowing how they really feel. The only way to overcome that is to learn more and understand them better... but often that's more challenging than it sounds.

      It's something to work on.

    • Occupied

      9 years ago

      roosterman

      Every now and then I write a journal that I decide not to post, because when I read it back I see something in my thoughts that I don't like. Desperation, obsession, vindictiveness... undesirable feelings that I don't necessarily realize I have until they're staring back at me. I'm always glad whenever I can recognize those feelings, because it gives me a chance to overcome them. Hopefully before they affect my actions.

      I wrote one of these journals a week ago as I was trying to recount recent events. I had a bit of a rough time with Brittany, the friend I've been talking about lately. We spent a few weeks apart, and I wasn't very happy about it. Fortunately Shane and Rebekah had a lot of kind things to say and made a point of keeping me company. I'm really grateful for that. Things are back to normal now thankfully. Better, even.

      I've been giving some thought to the way I've regarded Brittany, and why. I've come to realize that while I was keeping my distance from her romantically, I was still letting my mind become more and more occupied with her. Being attentive to her gave me a purpose at a time when I guess I didn't feel like I had any other. In my previous journal, I said that I would have probably felt lonely and useless this summer had it not been for her. Less than two months later, I'm surprised at myself for making that statement. It makes it sound as if my life is empty, and it's far from that. I still have all the same blessings that I've tried to be so thankful for in the past, and while growing closer to Brittany is a big addition to those, it's certainly not the only thing that makes my life fulfilling.

      I don't know exactly why I felt otherwise. Maybe I just had a lot more time to think, to dwell on things, and not much else to keep myself occupied with. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but when one's mind is left to wander, it can get pretty far away and into a decent amount of trouble before it's found again. I don't have much difficulty admitting that I get obsessed with the idea of finding love sometimes. Anyone who reads my journals doesn't need me to admit it, I'm sure. But at the same time, I know full well that I don't need to be with someone in order to be happy. Then there are nights when I stay up late, alone, without much to do, and I really wish I could hold someone in my arms. I know that a lot of people must get the same way. That's when I write most of these journals, and it shows.

      Fortunately I'm about to have a good bit more to keep me occupied, because my classes have started again and I've resolved to actually be social and start taking part in events while I'm at the college. So we'll see how that goes. Kristi will be going to graduate school up here now, and her brother Michael has transferred here too. Jared has finally overcome his fear of getting run the hell over, so he returned along with them. It'll be nice to have more friends around during the week. I'll try to keep you folks better updated.

    • Chance

      10 years ago

      roosterman

      I've thought for a while about how to write this journal, and I've even rewritten it a couple times now. For once it seems like a lot has happened for me to relay. I'll try to start from the beginning. A few days after I wrote that last journal, my friend broke it off with her boyfriend. Fortunately I didn't have a chance to say anything that I could feel guilty about. She made the decision on her own. She pressed him for the truth, and he admitted that he didn't feel the same way anymore. As much as she was still in love with him, he wasn't willing to hurt her by trying to continue the relationship. The first few days afterward were really difficult for her. For anyone who has ended a serious relationship, this probably isn't surprising. I wasn't prepared for how troubled she was though. It did surprise me, and I quickly came to the humbling realization that I really don't know what it's like to be in love. She thought she was weak, and she blamed herself for losing him because of mistakes that she had made. I couldn't get over how strong she was, and I was proud of her for being willing to lose him rather than hold onto something that was so comfortable to her. All I could think to tell her was that his love should have been strong enough to overlook those mistakes if they were really meant to be together.

      Since this began, I've spent as much time with her as I could. I helped her get into a new apartment, move her things from his, and deal with her car after it very inconveniently died on her. She stayed in regular contact with her ex for a while as they tied up loose ends, but she soon decided that it was too painful to stay on speaking terms with him. After that, she finally seemed like she was starting to move forward and be genuinely happy again.

      I consider her to be a real blessing for me. As unfortunate as it is that her relationship went wrong, I probably would have felt pretty lonely and useless this summer if she wasn't always seeking my company. I would even say that I enjoy being with her more than anybody else (sorry Shane). I've come to admire her for many reasons. As one might expect, I'm starting to develop some feelings for her. I know that she's far from ready to get into anything new yet, and even then I value our friendship too much to jeopardize it. But I still want to be closer to her. It's hard for me to trust the way I feel, because I've fooled myself before. But this seems real, and I do love her. I don't mind waiting for the chance to have something more. I just hope that there will be one.

    • Judgment

      10 years ago

      roosterman

      This year I've been trying to come up with things I can work on, guidelines I can remind myself of whenever I make a decision, based upon the lessons I've learned. One of them comes up almost every time:

      Don't be so convinced that my judgment of a person or a situation is correct.

      I like to think I'm a good judge of character. After all, I've managed to collect some very honorable people as my closest friends. God may have brought us together, but he also had to give me the sense to tell who was best to have in my life. The thing that I'm not is a predictor of character. I can't size people up shortly after I meet them, or even after knowing them a long while, unless I become close with them. I don't think anyone can. Nevertheless I've made plenty of assumptions about people, and often regretted them. Most of the time I've done this just because I think I'm right, or because some ulterior motive led me to see someone in a much darker light than they deserved. On the other hand, sometimes people make asshole moves. They do evil, and you know where they stand. A lot of these people have hurt those I love, some heinously. Maybe this gives me at least a little reason to be so protective.

      A friend of mine has recently expressed doubts about her relationship with her boyfriend. As explained in my previous journal, I was responsible for exploiting that kind of doubt last year, and that was also a result of ulterior motives causing me to give someone less credit than they deserved. I know that I'm not going to repeat that mistake, and yet I'm finding it a little too easy to judge her relationship. I think of how good Shane and Rebekah are for each other, Jared and Kristi, Katie and Phil. Compared to those, she and her boyfriend just don't seem to measure up. What bothers me is that one moment she's worried that he doesn't care for her anymore, and the next she's calling him "The One" and speaking matter-of-factly about marrying him someday.

      A lot of people in this world think that their first successful, worthwhile relationship should naturally become a marriage. Granted, you could argue that this is how things went for at least the first two couples I mentioned. But that's not why they're planning to be married. I'm sure they would agree with me that there's something beyond being a good couple, even beyond being deeply in love that makes two people ready to be joined for the rest of their lives. It may very well be that my friend is too convinced that her own judgment of her relationship is correct. That doesn't mean I consider myself justified in applying my own guidelines to her situation. I just think that her expression of doubt and certainty simultaneously is worthy of concern.

      I want to be helpful to her. Maybe she needs to make her own mistakes in this case, but I can't apply that reasoning to every circumstance. I need to learn how to judge without succumbing to assumption, and how to give advice without bias. So that's one of the things I'm working on.

    • Renewal

      10 years ago

      roosterman

      A little while back my pastor gave a message in which he encouraged people to keep a journal of their thoughts, prayers, feelings about others, et cetera. I quickly realized that this journal has served that purpose for me, but I didn't feel proud for being ahead of the game or anything like that. I just felt lucky, because more than anything this is a record of my failings. A reminder of mistakes I never want to make again, and in general of a person that I hope I've managed to exceed. I do feel like God has changed me in the past year, and I know that he's shown a lot of grace in relieving the consequences of my actions. I've received nothing but encouragement here, and I've appreciated that... but in retrospect I certainly could have used some discouraging words. I understand why I didn't get them. I painted a picture of myself, my character, and my mission that was inscrutable and beyond criticism. I didn't lie outright, and yet a part of me knew full well what sounded good and what sounded bad. But by way of creating this new picture of everything in my life, and having it validated by other people, I convinced myself that I was right. I was determined to believe that God wanted me to hold fast, and that was my excuse not to waver or question myself. I had faith in my own little plan, instead of in God's. It's like I was saying - "alright, take control of my life... as long as you're going to do what I want" - all the while that I preached essentially the opposite. I'm ashamed of that, because I consider myself a better Christian than that. Maybe that was part of the problem though, I thought that faith made me better and stronger and able to clearly see the path ahead of me. There's a theme in the Bible about never being able to see God's face, only his back. I wasn't aware of it until recently, but it certainly speaks to me now.

      All of this must seem cryptic. Maybe I'm still embarrassed to tell the whole story if I can get away with just letting it pass. The fact is that the woman I've so often spoken of, Rebekah, was meant to be with my brother Shane all along. They cared very much for each other even before I came around, and they've officially been together for over ten months now. I have zero reservations about this, and I'm extremely happy that they've made it work. God has greatly blessed their lives by bringing them together. But that doesn't change the fact that I tried to make myself an obstacle to their relationship at nearly every turn, up until shortly after they became attached. I was obsessed with Rebekah, and instead of respecting what there already was between her and Shane, I built up a debate in my mind as to who was more worthy of her and who could serve her better. Without going into detail about it, she was someone who could use saving. I saw pursuing her as giving my life purpose, because I could tell how wonderful she was, and how deserving of love. I let good intentions validate my actions instead of trusting in what God intended. Predictably my regard for Shane began to deteriorate, without warrant, in order to satisfy my inner debate. When he eventually made a mistake, I acted. It was my best chance to drive them apart and I took it. I've never been more relieved to have failed. Their love was far too powerful, and so was God's will. In a very short time my obsession disappeared, and I was finally left to reevaluate a lot of things in my life. I'm very grateful for that opportunity, and that I'm still able to call Shane and Rebekah my friends after showing them such dishonor.

      Finally, I'd like to apologize for the way I've misrepresented myself to all of you. In light of what I said to begin with about how I regard this journal, I'd like to try renewing it, along with the friendships I have here that may have fallen by the wayside. I hope your forgiveness will make that possible.

    • Honoring Love

      11 years ago

      roosterman

      Someone I care very much for recently told me that she doesn't believe in love. That was hard to hear, because it means that even though she appreciates my friendship, she really can't appreciate or return the love I have for her. Another friend told me that I use the word love more freely than anyone else she's known. I don't mind that judgment, because I do my best not to tell someone I love them unless I really feel it. Love is a big deal to me, but I don't think it has to be so exclusive. Romantic love yes, but why by reluctant to have affection for friends? Of course, I'm not critical of anyone for not feeling it. Love shouldn't be a currency that's owed and due. It can be very much deserved, but it loses all meaning if it's expressed without being felt. Even trust and respect, which must be duly earned over time, should originate in the heart. I place no greater value on anything than I do on these three sentiments, and I do so because of their source.

      As much as I advocate the importance of love and want to appreciate it as deeply as possible, I know that I fall short in practice. I hold my friends to a pretty high standard of respect, and I'm too quick to resent them for transgressions against it. When I step back and look at the way I act sometimes in this, I feel small. I have to wonder how deserving I am of the respect I seek when I can so easily forget my values for the sake of pride. I have no excuse for treating people wrongly, whether in action or in thought, while seeking their greater trust and loyalty. It's a fallacy. One that I must correct in order to satisfy my own ideals.

      In my mind I consider genuine love to be beyond pettiness, competition, selfishness, even ego. Mustn't it be? I don't use the word lightly, no... but maybe there are differences in the degrees of love that I haven't fully appreciated. I've said it before, that I have a greater portion of my heart invested in certain people. If they leave me, then their portion does as well. I've gotten by so far practically unscathed... but just picturing a heart riddled with holes and missing pieces, it isn't hard to imagine why some grow so afraid to invite those investments anew. There's nothing better I feel that I could do in life than to give my heart to replace one so afflicted.

    • Trust

      11 years ago

      roosterman

      A lot of things happened with my friends after I started writing this journal, but I've decided to finish it like it is, because it rings even truer to me now than it did before. With any luck, it will have meaning for somebody.

      As predicted, I feel foolish now for doubting myself in my last journal. Nevertheless, that's how I felt at the time, and even though I've changed my thinking since then I know the feeling of emptiness won't be going away. I should be able to accept that things won't be perfect from the start, even if I see a path directly to a perfect destination. After all, what is patience if we only have it until we get fed up with waiting? I know I've learned from being alone. It would be arrogant to suddenly decide that I've learned enough.

      Thank you all for trying to remind me of what I'd forgotten for a while, that my true purpose is to serve my friends as best I can. For too long I was looking at things in a way that was in my best interest, and not the interest of the person I had devoted myself to. Never again will I make that mistake, and I pray that she can eventually trust me to serve her properly as a friend, in a greater capacity than I do at present.

      I've been thinking recently about the nature of trust. I've found that it's harder to define our reasons for trusting each other than I expected. The way I see it, we trust because we need to be vulnerable sometimes. We can't always have our guards up... and when we need support, we can't always find it without revealing ourselves to another person. When I trust my friends though, it's because I want to. I see their kindness and generosity, and I feel compelled to express my respect for them by letting them see me as I really am. I honor their characters by never doubting that they'll be there if I should need them.

      I'm a strong proponent of the idea that we can't get through life doing everything for ourselves. Especially when it comes to the welfare of our hearts and minds. Independence, to me, is overrated. It's not weakness to rely upon someone, and it's not an imposition to share problems and concerns with a friend who would gladly take them on. Sometimes you can bring someone a lot of happiness just by letting them help.

      The trust of my friends tends to come naturally to me, for which I am very grateful. I don't think that I seem considerably more trustworthy than others, but whatever the reason that people put their confidence in me, I am always determined not to make them regret it. Only recently have I been in a position to solicit trust from someone, and try to determine how I can earn it beyond the efforts that I already make.

      I understand why trust is difficult to give. I offer my friendship without requiring it, but it's not easy feeling distant from someone's life. I hate not being able to help a friend when I know they're in distress. More than that, I hate the thought that they might be hiding their problems altogether in order to spare me worry. My time and effort are freely given. My comfort and convenience are worthless to me compared to relieving the burdens of the people I love. I pray for the words that will convince them of this, once and for all.

      I want my sincerity to be trusted so that my words carry weight. When I tell a friend that I love them, I want them to be certain of how strong that feeling is in my heart. I want my commitment to be trusted so that they will know how much I care for their happiness, and that I'll do anything I possibly can to secure it. I want my loyalty to be trusted, so they'll never fear being abandoned by me.

      Love makes us all subject to each other's emotions, sometimes as surely as they were our own. Just as I consider love between people to be an affirmation of the love between God and man, I believe that trust between people is equally an affirmation of our faith in him. It's accepting that another person can be as virtuous and principled as his grace allows us to be. I think it's easy to trust in God. He can't use it to hurt us, or betray us, or ridicule us. It's not in his nature, and even when something happens that we don't like, we can still trust that he's giving us what we really need in our lives. Between people, there is always the chance of betrayal. Trust is not a perfect art, and we'll inevitably falter in it. We'll be hurt by someone we thought was worthy, and we'll be afraid to risk that pain again. But just like faith, trust would have no meaning if we rejected it over a few bad experiences. The rewards of success are too great to ignore.

      I fear that there's nothing I can say to convince someone who is determined not to trust. I have to believe that there's a way to reach them, though. I won't rest until I find it.

  • Comments (731)

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      Haha, yeah I thought perhaps you had fallen off the flat part of the earth. :)

      Yes, I have a Facebook account.
      Ellis Taylor
      Email: audiophile1955@sbcglobal.net

      Search by email, cause if you search by my name, your search will return with over 500 Ellis Taylors and variations thereof, lol.

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      And how may you be doing these days Grant?

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      You welcome! smiley0.gif

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      Happy Birthday Grant!

    • Bey FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold wut is a hallo

      9 years ago

      Hey, buddy!

    • emopunker

      9 years ago

      No problem....I hope it helped and didn't offend you.

    • emopunker

      9 years ago

      No problem.....just what I feel lol

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      You welcome Grant. smiley0.gif

    • GamerChick09

      9 years ago

      YAY! We got to see you last night

    • GamerChick09

      9 years ago

      LOL! Not a big deal :D It was in the strainer thingy

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      9 years ago

      she was about to drive me to work when i passed it!

    • KupoNutsGrrl

      9 years ago

      The feeling is mutual sweetie :) I know I'm a bit of a nutcase, but you've always been someone I can talk to and be completely comfortable just being 100% myself. And you're just a sweetheart. When we's hangin' again!? I'm workin' mostly the rest of this week, but I'm usually off by 9!

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      OK, very good.

      Ups and downs ... at least you are not a boring soul. You have life stories. Good luck and yep, express yourself in a journal if the need arises. Journals are a great source for all expressions.

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      How are things in your world? Just checking in on you.

    • FalseHope01

      9 years ago

      Comments like that work just fine. <3

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      Don't feel bad. That was from the first season. Sorry for the short notice but the game tonight is in 30 minutes. We start at 7:30. I only found out a little over an hour ago and had to run a couple errands before I could relax for a minute =P I'll get you the time sooner next week. Next week we play our friends ^.^ I can't wait for it.

    • GamerChick09

      10 years ago

      OMG HI! :D

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      Awee =) You're too freaking cute.
      I don't see why anyone would mind you joining the team for a meal.
      Heyy! If you have time... our next season starts up in June. Every (or almost every) Tuesday night we have an hour long game for two months.
      If you're able... you should see about joining. It's loads of fun.
      What time would you like to meet up tomorrow?

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      For the afternoon, yes =)
      That sounds kinda silly... "reserve you" ....xD But it's sadly fitting. The Aqua Turtles are meeting up at Buffalo Wild Wings on Tuesday, but I'm not quite sure what time. It'll probably be either around 5ish or 7ish. I should know for sure tomorrow, but we could probably catch a movie or just hang out for a little while at least =)

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      My schedule is posted in my journal now. =) Pick a day. We will hang out.

    • _Kryptinight

      10 years ago

      i was actualy thinking texas, but more along the lines of the houstin area since my brother will be there.
      but thanks for the journal comment.

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      I can sum up my last year and 5 months with one word: Unemployed.
      Other than that, nothing else, just the normal things that go along with being laid off for that long of a time. smiley1.gif

      Diary

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      *pokes* - that's from Katie

      *jabs* - that's from me

      Just checking to see if you're still breathing, so to speak, lol.

      I'm gonna check out your journal I haven't read, for the time being.

    • TearsofRed

      10 years ago

      and thank you again, i'm quiet fond of my eyes they change from blue to green to gray

    • TearsofRed

      10 years ago

      haha, thanx, but i hardly think i'm gorgeous

    • Legos

      10 years ago

      Well, if I happen to fail again you can expect a little visit...

    • Legos

      10 years ago

      You didn't have to take a driver's test?? Like, actual driving??

    • Killartist1

      10 years ago

      your welcome smiley0.gif

    • Killartist1

      10 years ago

      okay sense u still have b-day things up!! I'm going to give you a week late b-day!! happy birthday!! I hope it was a good one =)

    • ShotgunBoy

      10 years ago

      Happy Birthday!!

    • harpie19

      10 years ago

      I hearrd you were a great person and came to wish you a happy birthday!
      happy-birthday-card.jpg
      arg-happy-birthday-url.gif
      HappyBirthdayCake.gif

    • Tihawkie

      10 years ago

      Happy Birth day!
      rw400x
      LSP3017%20pricking%20stencil%20happy%20b

    • dark_layasha

      10 years ago

      Happy Birthday

    • MoonFire77

      10 years ago

      birthday_dog.gif

      Hope your Day brings you Joy, Love & you get all you need! Have a Great Day!!! smiley0.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley0.gif

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANT!!!!!!

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      Happy Birthday Grant! smiley0.gif

    • denadanger7

      10 years ago

      Uhhhh. Heck yes? Everything needs more waltzing.

      but no glitter. Its the herpes of craft supplies

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      Happy New Year Grant!

    • denadanger7

      10 years ago

      Dude I'm sure... <3

    • denadanger7

      10 years ago

      You know what, I'm convinced since you just commented on like 5 journals, you were drunk.

      ANND NO. YOU CANNOT CALL ME LOVE

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      Yessir, we did our little Christmas thing, now we move onward. smiley0.gif

      Have a good end of year and a jolly new one.

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      Merry Christmas Grant! smiley0.gif

    • Red_Riot_666

      10 years ago

      Merry Christmas! smiley0.gif

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      yeah, i know. he's been doing that to pretty much everything XD

      I'm not acknowledging it because i'm not going to be amusement for a fucking 12 year old

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      Good to hear! Thanks for the return. You take care of yourself man! I'll be in touch from time to time, just to bug you, if nothing else. smiley8.gifsmiley0.gif

    • C16H14N2O

      10 years ago

      *waves*
      How's it going? Long time no hear!

    • Red_Riot_666

      10 years ago

      Thanks for comment smiley0.gif

    • FalseHope01

      10 years ago

      His coffee hours? Hahaha... EARLY.
      Usually 5am-12:30pm or 7am-2:30pm...
      Something along those lines.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      haha shit

    • jadegalixia

      10 years ago

      I admit that I am still very hurt by what he did to me. I believe that he is alive and well, and masqerauding as a female member that I shall not name.
      When I confronted him/her about it IT got defensive and abusive.

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