runawayworld

Female
from San Diego, California

  • Activity

    • 8 years ago

      runawayworld
    • 8 years ago

      runawayworld
    • 8 years ago

      runawayworld
    • Round two.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      I put on my brave little face. But inside I am shaking. I feel more vulnerable than ever before. I have you every bit of me. Let my guard down every time. You did something to me I didn't understand. Now I'm left here in such awe. My body feels half tortured, half numb. How could you have so much power. You made me feel like I was alive. You gave me feelings I've never felt before. You were everything I wanted. I wished I could mean everything to you. There's nothing left to try anymore. If I continue to plau this game. I surely will not survive much longer. I wanted to believe things could change. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't. Don't tell me how amazing I am. It's not fait of you to say such things. Stop feeding me all your lines. Shut your mouth and swallow your lies. I have endures this pain once before. I'm strong enough to do it again. Don't you worry, I will move on just fine. Step away and watch me forget you. In the end you'll be the lonely one. I never wanted it to be like this. You turned yourself into my best friend. Someone I thgouth would always be there. I don't want to be angry with you. But I don't know how else I should be. It's time I put this pencil down. Push the thoughts I have of you away. And move on without you.

      I got back together with my ex. He dumped me again. My mistake.

    • Mini rant.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      This may be selfish and ungrateful but I am tired of people trying to give me advice. Yes I am fucking depressed my boyfriend dumped me. Yes I realize it's been three fucking weeks and we were only together six and a half weeks. But do YOU realize I was falling in love with the guy? And that he was my first real relationship? Don't give me shit about being over him. You think I LIKE feeling depressed and upset about him? It's not like I sit here and say hmm.. you know what I should do today? I should think about all the times I had with my ex. No , it's not like that. Maybe I had a couple days like that when it first happened but that's not how it is. I can't help that I'm not over him, I can't help when thoughts of him pop into my head or something reminds me of him. I try to go out and distract myself, I try to think about something else when thoughts of him pop into my head, I try to not feel lonely anymore and I try to not feel like I'm not enough anymore. Seriously people. You all tell me shit I know. Tell me I deserve better? Yeah well apparently not. Tell me it's his loss? Then why am I the one crying while he's perfectly okay? Yes, I know it's fucked up. Yeah, I know I shouldn't feel like I'll never be loved or never be enough for someone but that's how I feel. I feel like an idiot. I feel like I'm not enough. Why? Because I'm fucked over time and time again. Because my ex made me feel like he could fall in love with me and I could fall in love with him. Because he told me he could be in love with me and that we'd be together a while and wondered if he would marry me one day just to dump me a week later. Only to hang out with me a week after dumping me for eleven hours and tell me how it's hard not to give in and how he wants to kiss me to tell me the very next fucking day that I'm not it for you. Tell me you're sorry. That doesn't mean shit. You can only say sorry so many times. Yes, I know I talk about it a lot. Yes I realize it's on my mind more than it should be. Well guess what. I don't fucking ask for it to be. No, I'm not going to just get over it even though I realize I should be over it. Only three people understand that it's not going to be that easy. Get frustrated and mad at me for talking about it and being upset about it. Because that really fucking helps. But go ahead and be fucking mad at me for something I have no control over. It's fantastic. Add to the rest of the shit I'm dealing with right now. Yes, I know my friends are hurting seeing me hurt but that is not my intention either. I just wish people could understand it's a lot harder than just getting over it. I can't just wake up one day and be over it. I wish they could see that I'm trying so hard. So damn hard to get over this. But it's just not something that's very easy for me. I wish they could understand that it's not going to help to get angry with me or tell me that I'm going to be okay. Yes, I know I'm going to be okay. But no, I'm not okay right now. I don't even know what else to say right now. I'd just end up repeating everything I've already said. It's just so damn frustrating. I know people are trying to help but telling me to move on isn't really helping. Obviously I know that and am trying to. Who would choose to feel this miserable? And yes, I realize I'm feeling this way because I let him make me feel this way. I let him have this much power and I am letting it effect me. I guess I'm just not that strong. I feel pathetic and I feel like one big giant fucking mess. I guess I am.

    • Another broken heart?

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      I've heard people say they feel alone in a crowded room and up until tonight, I don't think I had ever experienced that before. But tonight in a venue full of people my age pumped for the show going on before them, even with the bass pounding in my chest, and my friend right by my side, I felt truly alone. It's a strange feeling. I feel and see the world going on around me. But I'm just here. Even at a show, which always has be forget everything but just being in the moment and the music totally consuming me, I just felt utterly alone. Every day I seem to be getting worse but I figure that's because they say things always get worse before they get better. I guess we'll see how that works out for me. I just miss him so much. When I close my eyes to try to sleep, I just remember how when we'd sleep he'd stroke my hair, arms, or back. I swear I can still feel him doing so. They also say it will get better with time, which I'm sure is true but as of right now it isn't helping the most. I think it's harder because he was my first actual relationship and because he didn't do anything that was really wrong. He wasn't over his ex and those things happen. I went into it knowing this might happen and it did. He was absolutely amazing. I'm thankful for experiencing having someone around often who showed his interest and that he cared. Someone who treated me right and for the time being I felt I could be in love with and he could be in love with me. I was falling in love with him, I know that. I'm sure that makes it harder as well. Anyways. Just some thoughts before I attempt sleep.

    • New song.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      Verse 1: The shock has not set in
      I feel it creeping up on me slowly
      I fear it will overwhelm me
      It will take me for a prisoner
      And drag me into the darkness
      Memories charge right at me
      And I can't turn visions of you away

      Chorus: I feel a strange calmness
      But at the same time shaken up
      I fear I am not well
      For my stomach is in knots
      And my world has become silent chaos

      Verse 2: I take your picture out of my wallet.
      And try to erase your kiss and touch
      I can't be near you these days
      For I am not strong enough
      I can't keep you out of my mind
      Every second that passes
      Reminds me you're not coming back


      Chorus: I feel a strange calmness
      But at the same time shaken up
      I fear I am not well
      For my stomach is in knots
      And my world has become silent chaos

      Bridge: With every minute that passes
      I feel dread drawing nearer
      It starts in the pit of my stomach
      And makes it's way into my heart


      Chorus(X2): I feel a strange calmness
      But at the same time shaken up
      I fear I am not well
      For my stomach is in knots
      And my world has become silent chaos

    • Song ideas.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      The shock has not set in.
      I feel it creeping up on me slowly.
      I fear it will overwhelm me.
      It will take me for a prisoner.
      And drag me into darkness.
      I feel a strange calmness.
      But at the same time shaken up.
      I fear I am not well.
      For my stomach is in knots.
      And my world has become silent chaos.
      With every minute that passes.
      I feel dread drawing nearer.
      It starts in the pit of my stomach.
      And makes it's way to my heart.
      Every second that passes.
      Reminds me you're not coming back.


      Some thoughts for a song I'll be writing soon.

    • Giving thanks.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      I know I like died on this site for a long time but I still felt I should post this on here: So this year. I have a ton of things to be extremely thankful for. My year started and I was still not in the best state. So many things happened in such a few short months that I just didn't know how to deal with everything. I was so sad with Danielle and Morgan moving away, having Heather already moved away and things with Brandon ending I just felt so alone all the time. I met an amazing girl named Kathy who helped me through all of that. I am very thankful for Kathy for always being there, listening to me cry, and giving me amazing advice and being my best friend. I am thankful for Brianna for always listening to me complain about boys and giving me advice and always listening to me vent. I also met some other friends who helped me out with everything when I was feeling down. You all should know who you are. I am thankful for Mrs. Mertes, Morgan, and Danielle for staying in contact with me and still being the best friends ever even though we are miles apart. I'm thankful for becoming friends with Sam again and working on our friendship and her lending an ear when I need it. I'm thankful for Heather for always being there even when we get in our fights. For letting me go to her house and collapse in her arms crying because I'm so upset about everything. I'm thankful for making up with Katei and renewing our friendship and becoming best friends again even though she is far away as well. I'm thankful for the people who I have found to be not who I thought they were and a bad person to be around and getting rid of them from my life. I'm thankful for all the guys who fucked me over so I could see how guys work and really appreciate when an amazing person comes into my life. I'm thankful for Mallory for being so happy with the way her life is heading and that she is healthy and making an amazing life for herself and Travis. I am more than thankful that everone in A City Serene is okay. I'm thankful their family and friends stayed strong and that they recieved so much support from everyone in the world. I'm thankful that Carly and Mike pulled through the hardest thing anyone can ever go through in their lives, are recovering as best they can, and still have high spirits and are working towards getting their lives back to where they want it. I'm thankful they let me into their life and let me help in any way that I can. I am thankful for meeting Ambrea who has been here for me ever since I met her. We have helped each other through some stuff. I am thankful for her and Carly giving me inspiration to finally start writing songs and hopefully becoming a real songwriter. I am thankful for my boyfriend Joe who has shown me that someone can care about me and treat me right. For him making me feel special and loved every single day. For giving me hope that I may one day fall in love and have someone really fall in love with me. I'm thankful for Liz for being such an amazing person and helping me out in this new relationship and offering her friendship to me. I am thankful for everyone who has let me into their life and anyone who has offered me kind words and friendship. I am thankful for my family for always being my rock and being supportive of anything and everything I do. For loving me and caring for me and for us always sticking together and being a team especially when times are hard. And for my mom being one of my best friends. I am thankful for Kayleigh for loving my brother and making him happy again. I am thankful for music expressing the things I so want to say but can't find the words to and for helping me make it through the day. I am thankful for every breath, every memory, every single experience my friends, family, and I get to experience every day. I am thankful my friends and family are being taken care of no matter all the hardships they are face to endure. I am thankful for everything I have been given in my life. I am even thankful for all the hard and bad things I have faced and overcome in my life because they have taught me life lessons and how to be stronger. They have shaped the person I am and brought me to the point and place I am at today. I am sure there are many more things to be thankful for but in the end all I can say about everything is thank you from the bottom of my heart. Always. <3

    • Very important.

      9 years ago

      runawayworld

      I know I haven't been on much lately but I have something very important to talk about. On Monday I heard some devastating news and I really need some help. Six of my friends form a band called A City Serene, here in San Diego. They were on tour and a truck smashed into their tour bus. They were all life flighted to different hospitals in critical condition. Two of them are in a coma. I've known one of the members for about two years now and he has been my go to guy ever since. They're all really great kids. I've been supporting the band ever since they formed. My brother made a journal about it which I will link here for you all to see the full details and severity of the situation.

      FadingLight's journal. Please check it out. It means so much.

      [This guy will match any donation up to 100 dollars. Please see his journal too.

      Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and help out. Everything helps no matter what. This has been a really hard and stressful time but seeing all these people supporting and helping out really helps. Thanks again. I appreciate it more than you guys know.

  • About Me

  • Comments (1882)

    • darkwill FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Jen, it's been far to long.

    • RileyDexter

      9 years ago

      Ooooh yeah?! Well I love YOU. hehehheheh sehheshehrhehehehehhe

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      So which one is your major? Theatre or child/domestic abuse?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Oh lol K. Glad you're getting it all sorted out then. What are you taking?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Won't it be too late though?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Shouldn't you already be signed up if you start this Monday? O_o

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Ahh breakups suck. Ok so school doesn't start for you until Monday?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Ahh Gotcha. Well by that you meant the same thing I did. My head is everywhere too. Sending postcards to my heart from wherever he's at. smiley12.gif

      So tell me Jen. What have you been upto in school?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Everywhere? lol Doing what?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      No. lol You are a good friend. Were both busy.

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      But you are prettier. smiley1.gif

    • Ashutum

      9 years ago

      But I am different... not all men are pigs... some of us are prince charming... jijijiji

    • Ashutum

      9 years ago

      But I am different... not all men are pigs... some of us are prince charming... jijijiji

    • Ashutum

      9 years ago

      But it means that I´m different...

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      You appear offline on mine. :/

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      Otay. :) zero_skater06@hotmail.com I'll go grab meh phone. I use that for msn. Lol.

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      I have msn, yahoo, and aim.

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      Yeah, that would be pretty useful, but it'd take awhile to learn how to play it.

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      You can still learn. :)

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      Join my band. Lol. That'd be pretty rad. :)

    • 73H1337M0053

      9 years ago

      Take your time. :)

    • bendcook

      9 years ago

      figured i'd stop by and say hi, so how are you doing

    • VocalDrummer

      9 years ago

      Hey Jen, how are your friends from the band doing? Any word on them?

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      lol Yeah. It's Clamato Juice.

    • Jay I'm Back!

      9 years ago

      Nothing you listed is correct. All the extras are too generic too btw.

    • PhantomMaul

      9 years ago

      yeah that works lol. I just like listening to music on shuffle and four songs versus about 2000 others is a task lol

    • PhantomMaul

      9 years ago

      lol 'd enjoy it more if my zune would shuffle it already

    • Damaskus

      9 years ago

      I will do :]

      - Lise

    • Damaskus

      9 years ago

      Dammy doesn't use this account anymore. He's taking hiatus from the site, so you can find the account he will be checking here. I don't know when he'll next be on though, but he gets on skype quite often, so I can tell him to check next time I catch him if you'd like.

      ~ Lise

    • LeadFarm

      9 years ago

      Anytime.

    • PhantomMaul

      9 years ago

      it's quite alright and you're welcome!

    • nightwolf12 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Just letting you know that I am currently in the process of setting up that PayPal account so I can donate to the band's recovery. smiley8.gif

    • VocalDrummer

      9 years ago

      Just wanted to drop by to say I hope things are going ok with the band and all.

    • sltnHunter6

      9 years ago

      no problem i'm glad to help

    • breakXbreak

      9 years ago

      lol can't say I did it completely selflessly.
      I believe in karma.
      I do something nice for them... Eventually I'll get something back.

    • Ramrider FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      No problem. As I said to FL, I just wish I could do more than link and post comments.

    • nightwolf12 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Thank you! smiley1.gif

    • dizaster

      9 years ago

      No problem. My best friend is in a band; if this happened to him I'd be freaking the hell out and doing all I could. Regardless I made a note on Facebook, hopefully nobody has the nerve to be a douchebag about it there.

    • spartfartmen

      9 years ago

      oh c'mon?
      you really don't know okay he weighs MEAT LOL.

    • spartfartmen

      9 years ago

      okay I have a Rittle for you.
      There's a butcher who is 6 feet tall, what does he weigh?

    • spartfartmen

      9 years ago

      yes hahahaha Sorry I didn't know you were jen lol

    • spartfartmen

      9 years ago

      OH!
      okay now I remember.
      Yes indeed. You create your own world and you have the power to make your own choices in life.
      I can see Your sister has lots of potential and Talent. Jen has a bright future ahead of her and I know she can make it through this...

    • spartfartmen

      9 years ago

      My thoughts?
      Hmm.......................................Jen?
      ...............................

    • PektoseHawk

      9 years ago

      No problem, ma'am.

    • bi_pagan

      9 years ago

      You're quite welcome. ^_^

    • bi_pagan

      9 years ago

      Just let me know if there's anything else I can do. My co-workers are also going to tell their churches about this. One of my co-workers just called to tell me. ^_^

    • Wild72

      9 years ago

      Not a problem. Feel free to link my journal so I can match people smiley1.gif

    • bi_pagan

      9 years ago

      You're very welcome. I am happy to do what I can. I've also told my co-workers and boss about the situation. They're meeting Sunday to figure out if they can help some.

      I hope they can. smiley12.gif

    • JasonThePink

      9 years ago

      It ain't no thang....glad to help, this community has helped me in the past with some heavy stuff (and I am sure it is going to have to shortly again), so this is an easy one.

    • bueagle

      9 years ago

      You're welcome. I can't do MySpace though (I don't have an account). smiley1.gif

  • Questions

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