shigatsu

Female
from Rancho Cordova, CA

  • Activity

    • I'm BACK!!!

      11 years ago

      shigatsu

      Hey everybody! I haven't been here in a long ass time. My life has changed a bit but not too much. I graduated and now workin a small job to get into a JC. I've been busy and going crazy but that ok, that's just my way. Now I wouldn't be me if I didn't put up some poetry... so here you guys go.

      Long Distance Relationship

      We’ve been together for four years
      This summer you visited…
      You were here for two weeks,
      We spent time together that I wish I could relive but I can’t
      Take a time machine back to August 2007

      Even with the biggest heat wave that month was happening
      I would relive it, just to hold you again.

      But then you left
      You said “I'm leaving on a jet plane
      I don't know when I'll be back againâ€Â
      God damn I hated it
      You always coming and leaving
      Professing your love then retreating
      .

      Saying you love me so deep that
      When you think about me the love vibrations
      From you mind hit the ocean and the whales can understand you
      But I got to tell you I’m not hearing you.

      With the love you confess I can’t help but wonder
      Why do you leave me?
      You go back to San Diego because you stress that is where your home is
      But I thought your home was where your heart lies,
      Not where your roots started


      I can understand you have friends and family you love there
      But look who you left behind instead?
      Your best friend Julian, stuck with you even through
      Flames when you were burning up inside your own shell
      What about me? Your one and only
      Your love and yours truly
      How could you leave me?

      How could you choose a place over a person?
      The one you claim to love
      The one that makes you so happy you feel like your floating
      How could you leave her?

      She’s just crying out in pain
      Rotting her brain
      Going insane just to get a hold of you
      She goes to hell to hear your voice and
      all you can tell her it that you’re annoyed
      Tired of hearing her cry about how she wants more time with you
      Sick of always having to comfort her when she’s hurt about you being gone


      And I know… it’s not always like that
      You treat me good when you’re gone too
      Tell me that you miss me, you love me, and you just want to hold me
      I love that!
      It helps me get a clue
      Remind me that I’m your boo
      And that you love me too


      But some times when you’re gone
      Out with your friends for days and days on end
      I can’t get a hold of you like you where some kind of Osama Ben laden
      And I’m just sobbing because you’re gone again

      And I just keep replaying in my head
      When you’re here,
      When you’re here with me you treat me like a queen
      And whenever you’re wrong or mean you apologize

      But then when you are gone again with your friends
      You act as if I am a stray with some kind of infection

      Like I am cramping your style,
      Because you just want to be wild and have fun
      And I feel like you keep forgetting me
      About how that makes me feel
      I feel like I a hole just busted through me

      As if I got shot by a stray bullet
      Caught in between your mixed emotions
      About how you should treat me
      Or if you should just leave me
      Or if you are actually going to be with me in
      person

      I know these are big questions
      And these kinds could get the best of us
      But I have to know
      If you truly love me as much as you say you do
      How could you leave me behind again?


      This poem was by me of course but yeah... it's about my long distance relationship I've been in for about 3 and a half years now. It's rough, and it never gets easier.

      Well I am going to head out.
      adios~
      shigatsu~

    • Choke on this~

      12 years ago

      shigatsu

      The pain
      The feel of your hand rapping around my neck
      The thoughtlessness
      The lack love
      The absence of care
      You decided to hurt me
      With the sad pathetic excuse that you were frustrated
      And that is all bull shit
      And sadly you believe the shit you say

      I wonder if you know that if you love someone,
      The fact that no matter how far they pushed you
      No matter the pain they dealt to you
      You would never hurt them
      Especially if you could help it
      But once your hands grazed my neck in irritation
      Once you cross the bounds that I had no idea
      I had to set for you
      You lost me

      I guess that fact faded from your mind when you decided that
      I wasn’t good enough to keep safe from your aggression.
      Well to let you know
      Touch me like that again
      There is going to be hell to pay
      I may deal with the bull on the street
      But I will not let people who claim to love me
      Treat me with such disrespect
      So stop calling me bitch
      Sorry won’t cut it this time
      Get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness though you don’t deserve it
      I may give you a chance if and only if you understand that
      You need to realize that
      To comprehend that
      Listen to me for a second because
      I am a women that deserves your respect
      Try choking me again
      I’ll beat your ass and don’t you forget it
      Lay your hands on me in anger again
      You will realize that hell is like a vacation compared to me
      I am a women that is worthy of praise so
      Stop laying the b-i-t-c-h on my
      And start calling my beautiful
      Bitch, b-e-a-utiful

      So get your shallow
      Closed-minded
      Sadistic
      Poor excuse of a man away from me
      Because I deserve more than slips of frustration
      And I don’t need to be called a bitch
      When I can find a man who
      Knows how to treat a woman


      ~~~~~~~~
      hahahaha, for any of you that still remember me. I am still alive! I miss you all and tell me what you think about my poem! Peace~
      shigatsu~

    • Random=fun

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      Sex

      It makes the world go round.

      We all enjoy it, we might use toys with it; Are you horny yet?

      Touch the skin, rub it when.. I want it. Kiss my lips, do you like whips? Are you horny yet?

      Unhook my bra, do you my spa? Bite my cheek, make me weak for a week! Are you horny yet?

      Tickle my leg, don't make me beg! Lick my breast, I love that best. Are you horny yet?

      Remove the clothesm, past my toes. Finish me off, by making us pop; Are you horny yet?

      Now lying with you in this bed, as tired as if we were dead. I look at your face, that i now want to earse; What's your name again?


      Written By: April Elkin

      As you all probably have a horrified look on your faces.YES, I indeed wrote this. I was bored and suprisingly not horny whatsoever... weird.

      Anyways, to switch gears for the moment. My life is alright I guess, I'm not limbless or decapitated(yay). Son of bitch my back hurts, I need an f*&%ing backrub god damn it. You know, as I am writing this you would think I'm mad right now but I'm not; just have the feeling of being tired. Oh yeah, hope you all enjoyed my offensive poems and I would love all your comments to complain about it. Actually I just want someone to comment. But watch only one person comment like almost every other entry.

      Hey! I might be working at Jack in the Box, boys and girls! Isn't that a basket of roses. Or poptarts.. those are good. I'm eating one right now. mmmm... *drools* Anyways guys and gals I am getting the hell out of here! I hope you had fun reading. later dayz

      shigatsu~

    • Yo....

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      I'm here! Another rare appearance, yeah! hahaha. Anyways, I apologize to those who actually check out my profile now and then; I've been busy with swimming championships and homework you know. But school is almost out and swim ended about a week ago so I probably be on way more and I will be able to actually write stories! I swear they are all in my head but I haven't had time to write them all out.

      Though I don't have anymore new poems because my creative highway is stuck in a major pile-up which hasn't been cleared out yet. Anyways, I will also like to thank all the friends that actually still remember me; you guys are awsome. I have poetry club tomarrow so i will be able to actually write some stuff down.

      There is one more road block before I get to really writing and that's my Orchastra, we are playing at disneyland on the 18th this month so we are going to have tons of rehearsals so we won't screw up on the big day. It's a bit nerve-recking but I'll get over it eventually. So I will bid you guys farewell for now, and I will write back as soon as i can. later gators~

      Shigatsu~

    • Woah...

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      It's been a long time sense I have done anything on here. It's just suprising to me that I haven't checked this in like a few months and nobodies commented or nothin; but maybe everyones beens busy I geuss.

      Anyways, an update on me... My birthday has passed and I am now 17(old fart!). I went to Junior Prom and whatnot, spent spring break with my man.

      (going to finish later but I got to get some sleep, sorry BYE)

    • Never open my eyes again

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      A Poem

      In feel I’m losing grip
      Pull it together
      Before I blow my brains out
      Full of hate for my self
      For many reasons I can’t count
      I want to lie down
      Never open my eyes again
      Step out into to traffic
      So it all could end

      Just a few thoughts jotted down
      My suicide letter

      Leave me alone
      Don’t pity me
      I don’t cry because of you
      I die because of me
      My heart fell a long time ago
      Don’t give me that frown
      My world has been flipped upside down

      To beat myself properly for my mistakes
      Is to end it myself
      I don’t deserve to live

      Fuck it

      You know I am made of glass
      I’m so fragile, I never last
      In this world I can’t survive in

      I give up
      I call time out
      I’m not what you think I am
      You see a smiling face
      You assume I am happy
      Think again

      I rip myself to shreds
      I die a thousand deaths
      I could tell you why, but I won’t
      It brings me so much shame
      It throws my mind in disarray

      Sweaty palms
      Choking over my words
      Step into my world

      Look over there
      I see nothing
      Look behind you
      I see nothing
      Look at me
      I am nothing

      I crawl into myself
      More and more
      When I make a mistake I can’t endure
      I trip into a pit of snakes

      Do I need to repeat my self?
      The mistakes I’ve made
      You’d never guess
      But you know what?
      It doesn’t matter anymore
      Cause this is the end of me

      Signed: the unthinkable dreamer
      April Elkin

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      I didn't name it cause I didn't know what to call it. I did it recently. there you go
      Shigatsu~

    • Flame

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      Why do I crave fire?
      The flames dance upon its victims with grace, consuming them;
      It sends bright, glowing delight over the world as to dare the world to dance.
      Everyone flees from the blaze as best they can, but as the flames dance is so inconceivably intense that its victims can only gaze and wait for their destruction.

      Flame cannot play well with others, those the blaze try to dance with crumble to their feet attempting the delicate but treacherous dance. The flame and only the flame have ever mastered this amusing, elegant and deadly dance.

      To capture the flame, you must first attain the thing that flame enjoys to dance upon most. Like the driest and the most stale of things. Though you may imprison the flame you may not dance with it.

      Only watch the fire, do not play with such or you will surly lose touch with your self, trapping your mind in such a mesmerizing glow of the so wonderful glow of the flame.
      Dance, Flame, dance...


      I wrote this today while looking into my fire oplace. I was really bored actually. anyways, later days.
      Shigatsu~

    • Tainted

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      I feel as if I am dead
      Flashes back to that bed
      Laying down with stillness and fear
      Shivering always when you are near

      Crying so deeply inside with pain
      Putting me into these things you call chains

      Why did you do this? You were just full of shit.
      Shut up.

      Stop calling me baby
      Everytime you say it I die
      You said "If you love me you should"
      If I loved you I would touch you and corrupt me
      All you said was " Touch me baby, let me watch you touch me
      fuck me
      ".

      When I said no
      you would hit me like dough,
      kneading...

      We were friends before, back when we were real poor;
      My parents liked you, I liked you.
      But what you've done to me
      Parents clueless they still like you,
      I hate you

      You touched me
      You tainted me
      Close to raping me.

      Flashes again, with pains and stains
      on my heart.

      My parents never knew about you,
      thats why when you visit you still hug me like glue.

      I hate you,
      You want me,
      Do anything to fuck me.
      Leave me be, in my dreams, please!

      I can never escape the scar you've given me, TAINTING.

      This is my poem called Tainted. By April Elkin~ Hope you all liked it.

    • Oi.......

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      Well, most will probably not read this cause this isn't as interesting as my usual entries *cough*. this about "feelings", which suck.
      I swear to god i am going to lose it, driven insane by something I could prevent with just a little inconvinence. It's stupid, I am doing like a self-torture to myself. Everyday my over-whelming headaches come back over and over again. They get really bad, I have to take like 600mgs of pain releavers to get rid of it. My dreams are getting weirder and weirder, like my dad beating the crap out of me for a really stupid reason. I don't know, I just really don't want to think about the future. i don't want to grow up yet!

      And personally a lot of people are making me mad to where I want to hurt them. But I know I am not really a violent person (i try my hardest not to be and i don't really want to hurt anyone) But yeah... well i got some stuff to do so I will talk to you all later.
      PeAcE oUt!
      Shigatsu

    • A story I just started...

      13 years ago

      shigatsu

      Shigatsu’s feet never touched the ground as she hopped from tree to tree, looking for her target. Her long brown hair put into a blue ribbon, dressed in all black, her pale looking face and hair were the only things visible on the beautiful girl, around her twenties. Her figure had shown well through her clothes, black wavy pants with a shirt to match. She had a beautiful body, though it was dangerous and strong. Holding a Sheri kin in one hand and in the other a light blue dagger in the other, she looked for something to eat.
      The dark clothed fellow traveled the forest past with grace, making almost not sound, he watched his surroundings closely for any followers. He had a long sword on his back and a special bag for his Sheri kin’s. He cracked his fingers in boredom, he pondered on where he would be able to find his answers, to why he was there… A sudden noise caught his attention, turning his head; he looked up into the trees above him to see a dark figure high up, intertwined with the tree branches. The young man pulled out his sword and waited in silence.
      Shigatsu looked down at the paranoid young traveler, “Hello… Ummm... I’m not here to hurt you, I was getting food see?†Shigatsu held the rabbit up while ripping out the Sheri kin in its back. The traveler flipped back his hair and sheathed his sword.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      yeah, not much of a plot yet ay? well, i have lots ideas... PeAcE oUt!
      Shigatsu~

  • About Me

  • Comments (10)

    • jihp10

      11 years ago

      Hey, it has been a long while since we last talked. I've been good lately, nothing too interesting going on. How have you been?

    • jihp10

      11 years ago

      Other than the slight cold that I have right now, overall I am feeling good. I might have reasons to not let me feel good, but I'm not going to let those get to me, college is supposed to be the best years of your life and I'm not going to let them pass me up. I Have to say though, I hope that those downs for you soon turn into ups.

      On another note, the picture of me that you commented on, that's a little over a year old now, so I have aged and I do look older now. I don't know by how much, I just know that I do ( when I gave one of the pictures to a teacher at the end of last school year he told me that I looked different a lot than I did in the picture). But I don't think that I have changed all the much... maybe.

    • jihp10

      11 years ago

      Life happens, check this when you can, don't feel as if you have to check it. I probably should be doing something other than messing around on here as it is anyway. College and a job keeps one pretty busy usually. For the most part I have been pretty good. There have been plenty of ups and downs, but that happens to everyone. Right now I'm sitting in my dorm room at Michigan Tech, I have homework I need to do, and there is just so much that I have to do and should do instead of checking all my online stuff, but oh well, I'll get it done. Not to mention, two weeks ago pretty much everyone was getting sick with a cold and I'm just now getting what everyone else had, it always happens that way though. That's all that I can think of for now.

      -jihp10

    • Shadow666

      12 years ago

      vote4me. see journal.

    • PhoenixAlpha

      13 years ago

      Just looked at your journal... definitely see a budding young writer in there. smiley0.gif

      Maybe it's just where I come from, but it's always nice to see someone who actually CHOOSES to read and write. We are a rare breed... but obviously not dying.

      Good poems. The story entry was good too, but a few basic grammar and context issues. Just light editing needed at best. You're much better off than most people I know... your own age or otherwise.

    • cavorca

      13 years ago

      kool profile, and sweet pictures. nick

    • shigatsu

      13 years ago

      thanx, glad to have joined!

    • SniperJTS

      13 years ago

      Welcome to Red vs Blue!

    • shigatsu

      13 years ago

      well, I have a very, very, VERY terrible memory. hehe...... lol

    • Bryson

      13 years ago

      lol ya there awsome but how can you not remeber there names there so werid its hard to forget lol

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet