slabknok

Male
from Laurel, MT

  • Activity

    • Ever Changing

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      Been pretty busy this past month. Moved to Billings with my best friend, and I'm loving it!!! Been dating and meeting new people. Just yesterday I met an amazing girl and had a very promising first date. =) I have a feeling this is going to be a great summer.

    • Long Week

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      Been a full seven days since this whole damn migraine thing started up. Literally, for the entire past week, I've had a migraine. Migraines maybe? I've also picked up a cold. And it's getting to the point that I can hardly contain my anger in any situation. Will be going and visiting a doctor tomorrow, which scares the hell out of me. I'm close to melting down though, so I need to do it. I hope this is over soon.

    • The Bachelor Mindset

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      I had honestly forgotten what it was like to be a single guy that's not hung up on anyone. It's honestly pretty awesome. The best part is now I have much more confidence than I did a couple years ago. Things have been pretty quiet. Jess did message me again, and was hostile straight out of the gate. Got fed up with it real fast and blocked her, and told her that I never wanted to talk to her again, and I meant it. I don't want anything to do with her. I'm done with that whole mess, and am ready for something new. Perhaps not ready, but I'm on the path that I want to be on. I enjoy flirting with girls and not feeling guilty about it. I kind of like the chase. Even though I'm not very good at it, I enjoy trying to share myself and attract a girl whom is genuinely interested in talking and getting to know me. I'm having a really great time with it. :)

    • Stumbling

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      Been feeling pretty down the past couple of days. I know that it's because of the girl troubles that I've tried dealing with this past month. I wonder if I could've handled it better. Everything. It just kind of opens my eyes to how much ground I still have to cover in truly being ready for a serious, lasting relationship. For now I'm pretty damaged after everything that happened with Jess. How I reacted to things with Courtney proves that. I wish I hadn't rushed into things with her, because I seriously miss her friendship. I am more grateful than ever though to have this to come to. Chronicling my thoughts and important events has been a big help these past months. The only thing I can think to do is keep on trucking on.

    • Short Lived

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      That title is so open ended that at first glance one might say, 'Oh fucking seriously, not again.' But no, this is about the short excursion that I partook in with Courtney. This is a first time sort of thing for me. We met on March 2nd, which was a Sunday. Less then two weeks ago. Was a great first date. Had sushi, and then went to Off the Leaf, (Local Coffee place) and sat and talked for a couple of hours, and had a really good time. By the fifth date, we didn't do much talking. And not because we didn't have anything to say to each other, but for more nefarious reasons. It never felt right though. There was a constant feeling of discomfort in the back of my head, and at first I thought it was just being with someone new. But then it got worse, and after our fifth date, which was two days ago, I ended it. I feel pretty bad about it honestly, because I know that she had really strong feelings for me, but that's also part of why I think it was something I had to do. We hadn't even been together for ten days, and she was on the verge of confessing her love for me. Some might think that sweet, but it scared the shit out of me. And whenever I was with her, I never got "that" feeling. Anyone who has felt "that" feeling knows exactly what I mean. That deep personal bonding that goes beyond the surface. I know that in the long run, breaking up with her was the right thing to do. It'll save her a whole lot of pain, and probably save me from a much nastier mess. As it is though, I've lost a very close friend, and that really saddens me. I think that it just means that if you're going to be close friends with the opposite sex, you need to really work at keeping it that way, or you may lose it to chasing after more.

    • Back Where I Need to Be

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      Looking back, I think a lot of the decisions I made concerning Jess were mistakes. Moving in with her, letting her get away with lying to me. Basically I let her walk all over me, because I thought it was worth preserving the relationship. I was completely wrong. Love is a powerful force, but a person should have to earn it, and not take it for granted. I think throughout most of the relationship I had with Jessica, she took me for granted. I'm not an amazing guy, or a prince charming by any means. But I go out of my way to make the woman I'm with feel good. I try every day to put a smile on her face. I put her before myself. And she put herself in front of everyone. I am a good guy. I think most women would be pretty lucky to have me, because I have a lot of love to give. I'm happy to say that I'm dating another girl. Or at least we've been out once, and are going out again this morning. She seems completely different than Jess, on a fundamental level. While me and Jess shared a lot of common interests, me and this new girl, Courtney, do not. We have some similar interests, but far less than what me and Jess had. At the same time, me and Courtney want the same fundamentals out of a partner, compared to Jess wanting very different things out of a partner, as I realized late in the relationship. Or perhaps it's that Jess didn't really know what she wanted. Given the gradual change in behavior as the months crept by, I'm inclined to go with the latter, but then I don't even care to think about it that much. She threw me away, and I don't feel like I'm being cocky when I say that it's her loss. Because I would've done anything for her, and she didn't really deserve it from me. I'm seeing clearly for the first time in a year. Literally. This is the first time I haven't been twisted up over that girl in that long, and it feels amazing. I have a good feeling this year is going to start getting much better. :)

    • A Much Different Experience

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      When I look back and see how I reacted the first time Jess broke up with me, it becomes clear that I've done a lot of growing up in a year. I'm not the heart broken mess I was almost a year ago today. It's been a week, and instead of pining for her, I honestly don't think I ever want her back into my life. Now my struggle is what do I do concerning Sam and Jordan, her brothers, whom I've become pretty good friends with. Cutting her out of my life completely will make it pretty much impossible to stay friends with them, or at least I'm certain it will. I can't pretend that things aren't tough. It takes time for feelings like I had to stop aching, but after one week, I feel like I'm at the same place I was after over three months the first time around. Maybe even better. I'm looking forward to the future. :)

    • Performing the Double Tap

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      I didn't get depressed, or haven't yet. What I have run into is a boiling anger that makes it hard to concentrate. That anger burst forth when I told Jess exactly what my thoughts were concerning the ending of our relationship, and, if I'm being perfectly honest, I did what I could to make sure that she felt like shit for doing this to me again. And I know it worked, because the response I got was, "You're a fucking asshole. Never talk to me again." And that's about what I expected. Because like with everything else, she didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't her fault that being together was souring. She's always the one getting shat on. And I'm done trying to hold up that umbrella. She can find some other lackey to pander to her every need. I know that times will come in the future that my heart won't like it, but I know without question that her being out of my life is the best thing for me. And after all that happened yesterday, I hope that she never tries patching things up with me again.

    • End of a Chapter

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      I can honestly say, that I can shut the door on this relationship without ever having to wonder if there could've been a future. I'm glad that things are over and and squared away. As for whether or not Jess will be in my life in the future, I'm not really sure. I'm kind of reeling still, so I'm sure over the next couple days I'll probably get pretty depressed and bounce around mood wise. As far as the long term goes, I'm going to not forget how this has ended. The fact that it's ended twice. There won't be a third time, and that's coming from me. I feel like she doesn't really know what she wants, but I'm done messing around. Now I try and be single again. I think it'll be easier this time. I'm not hung up on her the way I was before. Year still isn't getting any better. But now I've readied myself, and will fight to stay afloat.

    • Did it Again, pt 2

      5 years ago

      slabknok

      Well, I live with my parents again. Still with Jess, but for how much longer, I don't know. I'm pretty unhappy with her right now. I'm torn honestly. I don't want to give up on this, but I just don't think it's going to get better. For the next week or so, I'm going to keep trying. See what happens. I'm more disenfranchised now though with this relationship then I've ever been.

  • Comments (570)

    • Tac FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 years ago

      It's been about 9 months since ya last posted a journal entry. Hope you're doing good! :)

    • dannicherie

      9 years ago

      Oh absolutely. :D

      This burden was getting sooooo heavy. I'm so glad to have someone else here to help me out with it. lol

    • dannicherie

      9 years ago

      That's pretty awesome!

      I think you're the first person so far that's had the same birthday as me as well. :)

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      I should. I'll start a month or two in advance.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Yeah, I'm going to have a hard time with that. She'll be wondering why we are suddenly going out a lot. lol

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Lol, subtlety is another thing I'm not good at. But I'm going to make this the most subtle, exciting, surprising proposal EVER! My thing is afraid of you too.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Lol, tight pants are my thing.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Lol, I'm not trying to impress me. I always think to put her before myself. That part comes naturally. But yeah, I think it would work just to carry the ring with me. Hope it doesn't bulge out too much though, lol.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      I also want it to be meaningful. Something a little cliche, but something that we relate to. Like where we first met, first date restaurant, something like that.

      I'm not very romantic, unfortunately. I try to be.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Well...I have a few ideas of my own but I like more insight...

      But I'm planning my proposal.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      How good are you at planning random things...like a surprise party/gift?

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      That's good to hear. I'm really happy for you. Everyone deserves to be happy. Except Hitler and my ex. smiley7.gif

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Lol, she in the Protective Custody thing or something? Nah man, but that's cool. You were down on your luck last I read some of your journals but it's good to see that you found someone who isn't going to ruin you. Maybe your hair will grow back, lol

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      Ooh la la, interesant. Tell me more!

      I've been enjoying my LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG summer. I start school next month. But on the brighter note, I'm going to Pennsylvania to visit the fam soon and my girlfriend is coming with me. I'm excited that she'll be meeting the rest of my family.

    • GIJooWarHero

      10 years ago

      What's going on? You don't get on anymore, do yah?

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      smiley14.gifsmiley15.gifsmiley16.gifsmiley17.gifsmiley18.gifsmiley19.gifsmiley20.gifsmiley21.gifsmiley22.gifsmiley23.gifsmiley24.gifsmiley25.gifsmiley26.gifsmiley27.gifsmiley28.gifsmiley29.gif

    • DarknessSith

      10 years ago

      Slabknok! It has been a while. How ya been!

    • Zombie444

      10 years ago

      well anyway thanks again

    • Zombie444

      10 years ago

      cool i will probably see if i can buy the 4th resident evil game and then i hvae been playing RE1 and you still remember abou the pizza that was a long time to

    • Zombie444

      10 years ago

      hey can i borrow Resident Evill 5

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      bumperstuck_thumbjpg.jpg

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      I should hope so

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      and I'd wear the knight shirt :P

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      we'd def. be shot.

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      somehow, I don't think that would work out. I'm pretty sure we'd go to jail if we were hitting each other with swords :P

    • BurnedArson

      10 years ago

      I know this is very Late.
      But Yeah Gojira Rules.
      I've seen them Three times!
      And From Mars to Sirus is one of the Greatest Albums I have ever listened too!

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      true. I enjoy how many conversations we have going :P

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      yeah (: Alix still has the bust ones on her camera and she hasn't added them yet so I have to wait.
      damn.
      it looks like it's snowing the the pic :P

    • rawr_pufflez

      10 years ago

      thanks man, im just wishing for the week to pass by quickly lol then ill be alright

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      well then just tell me that in the txt :P

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      YAY!!

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      surrrrrrre i did.

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      that could be taken so wrong.

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      wish i could

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      correct. im tired.

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      merci :P

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      haha ok.

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      yay! haha did you see the comment under yours in my journal?

    • KillerQueen4

      10 years ago

      i thought so too :)

    • Melvin4

      10 years ago

      Yea I'm the same way.

    • Melvin4

      10 years ago

      What's up new friend? You have some serious good choices in music.

    • SoH_Spector

      10 years ago

      just wondering, i've been asking my friends that question

    • SoH_Spector

      10 years ago

      quick question, do you belive in ghosts?

    • HALOgeeks65

      10 years ago

      Hey man, whats hanging? Not much here, i am working on a essay right here... and it sucks balls

    • infateshands

      10 years ago

      I'm sure it was amazing.

    • infateshands

      10 years ago

      that's freakin' awesome!

    • pPLnOmE

      10 years ago

      nice

    • pPLnOmE

      10 years ago

      yea, but i can get past that. im more into the deathcore pig squealing bands like Job for a cowboy (only their 1st CD, the singer lost his pig squeal in the 2nd CD and up) Gojira pretty tight, but I love fast-beat metal, stuff i that when i hear i wanna get up and fuck some people up. I just checked 2 of Gojira's songs and maybe i listened to the wrong ones but they didnt seem too fast. still cool though.

      unless u have some recommended songs for them.

    • pPLnOmE

      10 years ago

      sweet ill do that in a bit, right now im DLing songs from a new band i found, called "We Butter the Bread with Butter" they're a hardcore german metal/electronica band. heres one of their songs if u wanna check em out

      go HERE

    • subversive89

      10 years ago

      Yeah, I was just about to ask you about that. I would have had trouble believing that you've actually had that much contact with the members themselves. Thanks for clarifying that... and good luck spreading the word.

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