spazpaul FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

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from Austin now Denton, TX Y'all!

  • Activity

    • 4 years ago

      spazpaul

      A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck! When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?' He replied, 'That would be fine with me.' Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye..

    • 4 years ago

      spazpaul

      A nasty anti-Semite walked into a bar and noticed a man dressed in the conservative Jewish tradition. He yells to the bartender, so everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in the place, barkeep, except for that Jew over there!" As the drinks are handed out, he noticed the Jew smiling, and waving to him. "Thank you," he said. This infuriated the anti-Semite so he ordered another round "for everybody -- except that Jew!" But once again, the Jewish man smiles and says, "Thank you." The anti-Semite asked the bartender, "What's up with that Jew? I ordered two rounds for the bar except him and he just smiles and thanks me. Who is he?" The bartender replied, "Oh, him? He owns the place!"

    • 4 years ago

      spazpaul

      While stitching up a 75-year-old farmer, the doctor mentioned politics. The farmer said, "Well, the way I see it, most politicians are post turtles." The doctor asked, "What's a post turtle?" The old farmer replied, "Sometimes, when you're workin' the farm, you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top of it. That's a post turtle: you know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and he's elevated beyond his ability to function. It makes you wonder, 'What idiot put him up there?'!"

    • From notalwaysright.com

      4 years ago

      spazpaul

      Just Telling It Like It Is
      LIQUOR STORE | FL, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, AWESOME CUSTOMERS, AWESOME WORKERS, BIZARRE
      (Two customers approach the counter, the first being a tall, bald man and the second being an elderly lady.)

      Customer: "Hi. I'm every customer ever, and I have a bunch of stupid questions and unreasonable demands.'

      Me: "Hi. I'm every employee ever, and I present a negative attitude as well as an unforgivable ignorance of both the products my employer sells and how to conduct myself civilly with other human beings.'

      Customer: "Like an idiot, I have approached you with no idea what I want. But I nevertheless expect you to keep your full attention on me while I waste your time.'

      Me: "That's fine. I've already tuned you out and began to sing the theme song to Duck Tales to myself in my head as you bring us collectively closer to death without having accomplished anything meaningful.'

      Customer: "Regarding [liquor], I will now proceed to barrage you with questions about it that either you have no way of knowing, or which I should already d*** well know the answers to.'

      (I hand him a bottle of the liquor he mentioned and start to ring it up.)

      Me: "I respond to your worthless questions with vague and unsatisfying responses, as my cranial faculties are occupied with lewd and lascivious irrelevancies. That will be [price], you personification of the downfall of western civilization.'

      Customer: "I object to the price quoted, even though it is clearly indicated on the shelf behind you, and suggest some sort of extortion on your part, undoubtedly fueled by prejudice towards some aspect of my appearance, race, culture, or creed.'

      Me: "Although mentally I am most certainly questioning your intelligence, parentage and/or upbringing, I merely offer transparently insincere apologies.'

      Customer: "I proclaim in brash and vulgar terms my dissatisfaction. I make a laughable and grandiose claim of my own importance, such as being a millionaire, the brother of your company's CEO, or perhaps the good old-fashioned 'Do you have any idea who I am?' I further suggest that I could have you fired effortlessly and fully intend to do so for the insufficient quantity of butt-kissing you have exhibited toward me over the course of this transaction.'

      Me: "I sadly inform you that my superior is not present on the premises and unhelpfully refer you to the company help line. Quietly I memorize the details of your face so that I can fantasize about committing acts of unspeakable and grotesque violence toward same at some later date.'

      (The customer begins walking out the door.)

      Customer: "Vague and impotent threat to your person and questioning of your sexual orientation!'

      Me: "Sarcastic suggestion to have a nice day!'

      (He walks out the door. The old lady behind him looks thoroughly perplexed by our exchange.)

      Old Lady: "Who was that?'

      Me: *shrugging* "My manager.'

    • Hi!

      4 years ago

      spazpaul

      This journal has been posted from my new Xbox One. smiley0.gif

    • 4 years ago

      spazpaul

      An Army general retired and bought a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited a buddy to a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the general's bird dog, Sarge. That dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best. The friend offered to buy the dog, at any price, but the general declined, saying Sarge was the best bird dog he had ever seen and he wouldn't part with him at any price. A year later, when the same friend returned for another hunt, he was surprised to find the general had a new dog. "What happened to ol' Sarge?" he asked. The general grumbled, "I had to shoot him. A friend went hunting with me and couldn't remember Sarge's name, so he kept calling him 'Colonel.' And after that, all he'd do was sit on his ass and bark!"

    • 4 years ago

      spazpaul

      I just finished reading the novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

      If you ever want to read a great mindfuck of a book, this would be an excellent choice.

    • 5 years ago

      spazpaul

      A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker met for dinner at a London restaurant. The waiter said, "Excuse me, gentlemen, but we have a shortage of steak." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's 'Excuse me'?"

    • Oh, crap.

      5 years ago

      spazpaul

      Looks like I'm 32 now. Let's see how this turns out.

    • 5 years ago

      spazpaul
  • Comments (3757)

    • noirakita

      6 years ago

      Hello!
      I have returned, pretty much for good! Sending this comment to any friends who have been here a month or less. Hope to catch up with you soon!
      -noira

    • Radius55 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Site Admin

      7 years ago

      Then you're not paying attention to the news. All he would have to do to force the issue is expose the true magnitude of the debt and promote the issue. Instead he focuses on benign, feel good policies and racking up an even large debt. Meanwhile, the programs that perpetuate the shadow debt are running away outside normal budgetary constraints.

      Nope, no one (except maybe the Supreme Court) is innocent in this mess.

    • p3drit0

      7 years ago

      serial. when people say I slept llke a baby, i ask: you woke every hour crying?

      when i mean i slept well i say i slept like a bog. they say like a log? i say NO - like a bog. damp and cozy

    • MichyGeary FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Red vs. Blue Forum Moder

      7 years ago

      Thank you so much!

    • Ninjen13

      7 years ago

      Unless your my mum who's camera was always set to 1999 :\

    • Ninjen13

      7 years ago

      Oh c'mon now! Time stamps SCREAM 1990s!!!!!!

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      7 years ago

      That's rough man. And that was suppose to be a zing. :(

    • amarhsan

      7 years ago

      I've only read a handful, but I'm pretty sure I've never read the X wing series, i will have to put it on my list =)

    • kickcows GREEN IS THE BEST

      8 years ago

      i grew to love those mod souls.

      even though you're right. it's a pretty terrible filler season. XD

    • steph

      8 years ago

      also, re: how much help i had--

      almost none. dave helped me jump through portals in this one room that was nothing but platforms, and that was it. i played it by myself and i beat it by myself.

      ... ..... unless you're asking how much "help" he gave me when i was laid across his lap playing video games all night, and in that case... lots. smiley8.gif
    • steph

      8 years ago

      happy birthday!

    • little_chief

      8 years ago

      You have my sympathy.

    • little_chief

      8 years ago

      Should have came to Canada! We could have chilled.

    • little_chief

      8 years ago

      Sounds pretty badass to me.

    • GWChupaCabra

      8 years ago

      eosGYDYRbfiQcoG.jpg?kkk=1304560955

    • GWChupaCabra

      8 years ago

      1omLUjQwDymBXlT.jpg?kkk=1304560955

    • Ninjen13

      8 years ago

      stupid youtube. But thank you.

    • Ninjen13

      8 years ago

      Yes you do.
      John = JJ = Jedijesus who has since deleted his account on RT ;)

    • Ninjen13

      8 years ago

      ha ha ha When have you ever known John to care about the economy?

    • JonMtn FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold It's Late

      8 years ago

      I can think of a few...

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      I actually don't hate the Arishok

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      I hope Naruto dies in that super hero team

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      Dude, I bought Dead Space 2 this weekend just to get the Ser Isaac of Clark armor for DA2. I'm tired of waiting for Tuesday lol

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      www.snorgtees.com/dear-math-i-m-not-a-therapist

    • Radius55 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Site Admin

      8 years ago

      Well, right about now, I was originally planning to be announcing that tickets for RvB:TX were on sale. Unfortunately, that's not going to be the case. You might have heard that the RT staff has their own event planed for late May. We, the organizers of RvB:TX, don't feel it will be possible to compete with a larger and better organized event, so we're officially canceling our event.

      But all is not lost! We're keeping the group page for two reasons:

      1) RvB:TX will now be a hub for all RT fans in and around Texas. We'll keep people up to date on RT related events in and around Texas, from small meet ups to the RoosterTexas event the staff is planning. If you have not already done so, please watch the group to stay up to date on the news.

      2) We're planning a smaller get together in Austin this winter. It won't be as big as our original plans, but it'll still be a chance for fans to get together and have fun.

      For more details, please see the journal here.

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      hundred bucks for Duke

    • Stonesword

      8 years ago

      Well, it's covered.

    • casmarie

      8 years ago

      I think it's pretty versatile..

    • casmarie

      8 years ago

      Well I only have the one ankle brace..

    • casmarie

      8 years ago

      I can't have two bad ankles :(

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      it's based off of Chrome and I have yet to have any annoying popups. it uses Chrome's popup blocker i believe

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      it's very customizable to any website feed you could want so I love it. Also very fast and not a lot of bullshit clutter some other browsers have.

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      no starting it tonight after I finish a star wars comic I got in the mail

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      no starting it tonight after I finish a star wars comic I got in the mail

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      I'm dreaming of a Black Christmas

    • casmarie

      8 years ago

      But christmas is almost over, even for you!

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      yeah, again.
      This time it was the main Cable and it may be for good; he allowed the TOV to completely overtake him so he could save X-force from being left in a very bad future. He basically did it for Hope(new mutant messiah and first mutant born since M-day) who felt a kinship with Laura (X-23)

    • Oxford

      8 years ago

      Ditto to that.

    • Oxford

      8 years ago

      I am! Just busy is all. And ignorant.

      But that goes without saying.

    • Oxford

      8 years ago

      I am! Just busy is all. And ignorant.

      But that goes without saying.

    • Oxford

      8 years ago

      I am! Just busy is all. And ignorant.

      But that goes without saying.

    • Oxford

      8 years ago

      I am! Just busy is all. And ignorant.

      But that goes without saying.

    • GWChupaCabra

      8 years ago

      so there was a glitch in the game....a criminal froze with his hands up and it wouldn't let me drag him in


      SO i shot him over and over again....he didn't die lol, BUT everyone ran screaming about and I killed a who ran behind the panty raider. I then killed 12-13 more villagers.....the game auto-saved HAHA now I have those deaths on my head

      but at least I don't have an STD pauly

    • GWChupaCabra

      8 years ago

      just walked by you....nice orb lol

    • runelady

      8 years ago

      I would stay home any day over hanging out with (former) creepy roommate. Although I did thoroughly enjoy making those videos for YouTube.

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      8 years ago

      Oh c'mon! I'm not THAT younger than you.

    • PhantomMaul

      8 years ago

      dicks in 3D was the worst part of it. but the slow mo punchs and shit were amazing

    • Batpez FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      well that does put a damper on things...

    • Batpez FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      my friend Kirstie is in a suburb of denton, maybe you could kidnap her and bring her down! smiley0.gif

    • JediJesus87

      8 years ago

      I keed.

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