swade

Male
from just over yonder.

  • Activity

    • Has it been another year already?

      7 years ago

      swade

      My credit still good at this joint? Fire me up a double Johnny green, neat. And keep 'em coming... or it's your ass.

      Poor me, after getting assigned to do recruiting duty, was subsequently placed in Las Vegas to do good and wonderful things for the Army. Apparently, included with these good and wonderful things is losing copious amounts of money while playing roulette. I hate the Golden Nugget for all the right reasons. Fremont Street is a great time. I've grown very fond of a bar called The Griffin, which is nearby and serves Old Speckled Hen, a terribly awesome English ale.

      I still love riding my motorcycle and I'm not yet a hood ornament on an eighteen wheeler, so I've got that going for me. It's really neat when a car decides to go from the on-ramp, cross three lanes and enter the HOV lane, effective cutting me off- all in the span of about 500 feet. I'm pretty sure that virtually everyone on the road here is slightly to moderately drunk at all times.

      So Soxy and Vicky are married, which means they're probably having post-martial sex. Like, as we speak. Let that simmer in your imagination, you sick bastards.

      In all seriousness, I know I don't come around here anymore and when I do it's to poop out a sarcasm-infused snark letter... but I sincerely hope everyone's doing great. I couldn't be happier for Zach and Vicky, who still occasionally grace my facebook page with a comment or two. I still plan on visiting NYC at some point, kids. As for everyone else, you have nothing but my best wishes and most positive karma. If you want to get a hold of me to say hi or tell me I'm unbearably absurd or remind me about how the Cardinals' bullpen is made of hot garbage and the Benny Hill theme, just hit me up at jtxx4427@yahoo.com, or give Soxy a shout to get my facebook info.

      But no, seriously. I hate you guys.

      - Justin

    • Huh.

      8 years ago

      swade

      I'm seriously surprised I remembered my password for this site. So.... whats up? Uh... factoids, I guess:

      - I'm older now.

      - I now own a beautiful new Harley-Davidson Blackline, the purchase of which has led to me adopting some wonderful traffic habits like extensively using my middle finger and words that make my mother cry. Seriously, kids: check your motherfucking mirrors when lane changing.

      - I seriously just used the word "factoid" in a journal entry about myself. For some reason, in hind sight, I find that absolutely fucking repulsive.

      - I now possess a Florida Non-Resident Carry Concealed Weapon permit, which means I'm well defended against snakes and such.

      - Doesn't Paulie Walnuts still look good up there? That's a timeless avatar. I think I might get that tattooed on my ass.

      - The Department of the Army has seen fit to assign me to recruiting duty for the next 3 years (if you stay in the Army long enough, DA takes you away from what you love doing to be either a recruiter or drill sergeant for a period of time), so in the off chance I wind up recruiting near your hometown, SEND ME YOUR SLACKERS!

      - Afghanistan fucking blows.

      There's probably more, I think. I don't know. Fuck you guys.

    • Twenty-five miles from home, girl

      9 years ago

      swade

      My feet are hurting mighty bad.

      This place is gay. Where all the white women at?

    • A real gem

      9 years ago

      swade

      The nape of the neck was feeling a little scraggly, so I went to the barber to get my hair did. The kind old broad who clippered my head had the 80's channel on the radio and I heard this old Whitney Houston song, which wedged itself in my eardrum and hasn't left yet. I remembered being a wee lad and seeing that music video and thinking "Wow, colors and dancing and stuff!" So of course I youtubed the video when I got back to my hotel room.

      Good god. There's some seriously disturbing shit going on in this video. Not to mention Whitney looks like a fucking rodent. Enjoy this. Enjoy it even more on acid, if that's your thing.

    • Random is random

      9 years ago

      swade

      Random is dancing. Til a quarter to three.

      Your tax dollars (and mine) have me at Nellis Air Force Base (read: Las Vegas) learning stuff. A comprerensive list of learned things in a few days. Or maybe just another random post.

    • A crack in the pavement

      9 years ago

      swade

      I think I've fallen through. Where is that light coming from? Captain Planet? I hear music. I'm the undisputed king of this disco. Bob Gibson just gave me the high heat. He owns this plate.

      Call it... friend-o.

    • Oh, hi.

      10 years ago

      swade

      Been a while. I know I haven't called or anything, but I've just been really busy. I swear. It's a madhouse around here. Of course I've been thinking about you. I'd never lie to you, you know?

      *sigh*

    • Hi

      10 years ago

      swade

      Time for my biannual (?) stop into this little bastion of filth and gayness. I'm looking at you, Soxy. What have I been up to? Nothing interesting. I'm moving in about a week and a half to Fort Campbell, Kentucky. All I really know about it is it's not Fort Polk, and for that I want to cry rivers of joy. That, and it'll be a few hours from my sporting haven (St. Louis), a few more from Chicago, and a few more than that from my home in Iowa. Needless to say, I'll be able to continue my man-crush on Albert Pujols in a much more intense fashion.

      Here's a pic of me of when I graduated WLC (Warrior Leadership Course) a week ago. What was I staring at, anyways?
      wlc.jpg

    • guh

      10 years ago

      swade

      One of the worst investments on can possibly make is to buy a new automobile. So, of course, I spent my hard earned deployment nest egg on a new truck. I'm an idiot.
      IMG_0416.jpg
      IMG_0415.jpg
      As you can see, they forgot to put in the back window:
      IMG_0413.jpg

      And if that wasn't enough, I went ahead and increased the chances of me getting a couple speeding tickets by putting one of these bad johnsons on:
      IMG_0417.jpg
      That's a supercharger, which gives me about 504 horsepower to the crank.

      Yes, I am compensating for a fantastically tiny penis.

    • Back attack

      10 years ago

      swade

      With the wack snacks, jack. That's about as far as I'm taking that little cluster fuck of rhyming. The United States of America is an awesome country and I'm glad to be back in it for a change. I'm currently back in Arizona, preparing to blow a stupid portion of my savings on a new truck and all of the manly goodies I'm required to buy, according to the Law of Penis. I'll probably throw some pictures up here in bulk at some point, but here's one for starters. I don't weird out easily and I like to think I'm a pretty desensitized guy, but this is probably the creepiest thing I've ever seen:

      sd1228.jpg
      I don't know what the Arabic translates to, and to be quite honest I don't really want to know. Feel free to throw your interpretation of what you think the billboard says in my comments. The winner of this contest will receive an ammo pouch I don't use anymore and my old Fleshlight.

      I know I didn't write on here very often while I was gone, but those who sent me messages and dropped little notes, it honestly was the little things like that which brightened up my days over there. Thanks for the support to y'all and I'm glad to be back, bitches.

  • Comments (186)

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      9 years ago

      we missed him by two days.

      but we talked to some people that were at the game and they were still bugging out about it.

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      It has been a minute.

      Just plugging away. Getting ready to launch a blogsite. Still working in porn. Sup with you? I hope you're home by now.

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Oh hello there, sir.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      9 years ago

      i have a boner

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      9 years ago

      I read a book you would like.

    • machen

      10 years ago

      dude.

      seacrest

      dude

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      I MISS YOUR GENTLE CARESS IN THE NIGHT

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      I just yelled "SWADES ON LINE" at vicky, who is sitting next to me. And she clapped like a child.

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      10 years ago

      FUCK YEAH!

      swade + thunderdome = match made in some pro-wrestlers sweaty jock

    • machen

      10 years ago

      What??!

      you too.

    • Vicki

      10 years ago

      That's what we've been told. That's where they'd been planning on going, and then the CSM went over for a looksee and came back all, "Uh. So, uh. It's closing down. And they don't have anywhere for us to go." Most other places are full to capacity, so they're going to literally be in limbo for an indeterminate amount of time, doing... nothing. The briefs we keep getting are entertaining because the command has this attitude of, "Look, we know it's bullshit. There's nothing we can do about it. So let's just all pretend it's not bullshit and try and take this seriously." I'd complain, but I'd rather go through a bullshit deployment than a serious one.

    • troy0891

      10 years ago

      It should indeed. I've heard KY is beautiful.

    • Vicki

      10 years ago

      I know, right? It's not like he doesn't KNOW; this is his third time going over. Three weeks in theater and I'm going to be getting whiny phone calls. "I'm so boooooooooored. There's nothing to doooooooo." I'm afraid it's going to be really bad because he was supposed to go to Rustimayah but they shut it down and now he's probably going to be in a trailer in podunk nowhere for a few months. He does have computer games, though, and he's taking his laptop (why he's not worried about THAT getting all sanded up, I dunno... xbox, $300. laptop, $2,000. math?) so hopefully he'll at least have access to a PX to get more computer games. Or else I'm going to be spending a lot on shipping insurance.

      Aren't you so glad this is all behind you now?

    • Vicki

      10 years ago

      He says he's not taking his xbox with him this time. He says he doesn't think he'll use it and doesn't want to have to buy a new one when it gets all filled with sand and dust.

      Want to take bets how long it is before he buys one there anyway? I give it two months tops. You boys and your toys, I swear.

    • jackiebot FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold me irl

      10 years ago

      While it seems unlikely that you'll sign in to see this anywhere in the near future, Will [DaDouche] asked me in a letter to tell you this:

      "please tell swade that DaDouche has been through the C5 chamber and I can't wait to get gassed again at FTX3"

    • DaDouche

      10 years ago

      Actually, it's not exodus anymore, it's Holiday Block Leave. That might not mean much for you, but for me it means a CAPE session with the First Sergeant.

      It's really not what I expected. I came in expecting a Full Metal Jacket Drill Sergeant to rip me into shape, only to be reminded around every corner by the Drill Sergeants that they're not going to do it for us. My Drill Sergeant, who's a baddass in every sense of the word, has only smoked our platoon one time that I can remember, and only smoked me two other times as an individual (FYI, one of those time wasn't my fault). This guy doesn't micromanage, he doesn't yell, and he doesn't cuss. All he does is sets the example, gives us orders, and expects us to follow them to the best of our ability.

      We've even had to learn to drill ourselves just to stay in shape physically. Our platoon set the rule for ourselves early on that we will make sure to do 20 push ups right before and after every formation. That's good too, because push ups are something I'm struggling with. That and the run, but I'm confident I can make the run by the final PT test. Push ups are going to be a bitch, though. I can't even do 20 correct push ups yet. Fortunately, I've already destroyed the sit ups, which is better than most of the company.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      Vicky said we both love you.

      I'm not good at sharing.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      He totally grabbed my ass.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      They're in the mail.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      I just clapped and squealed like a school girl.

      Such is your power.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      GIVE ME YOUR MAILING ADDRESS

      TIS THE SEASON FUCK FACE

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      10 years ago

      Happy Thanksgiving, swade.

      You are missed.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      Aw, it's two guys ghost riding a Hummer.

      Also, Will (DaDouche) is going to basic today, you watch out for him when he gets to the shit.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      Aw, it's two guys ghost riding a Hummer.

      Also, Will (DaDouche) is going to basic today, you watch out for him when he gets to the shit.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      This is you isn't it?

      ghostridemil.gif

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      10 years ago

      *butthug*

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      11 years ago

      SWADE!

      How are you doing? Good to see you online. Hope all is well.

    • DaDouche

      11 years ago

      You wouldn't happen to have a copy of the contract do you?

      The Army seems to think that it's unreasonable for me not to want to take my contract home to to review it with people who understand legaleese better than me.

    • DaDouche

      11 years ago

      DaDouche- how long you gonna be gone?


      I'm actually enlisting this Friday.

      Or at least I'm going to receive my contract and spend the weekend looking it over.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      Come to NYC, and together we will rule the universe.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      But now you could get hammered and yell at them for being butt pirates!

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      It's too bad fleet week was last month, or else you coulda yelled at some squidies.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      It's so I can get you drunk and take advantage of you

      IT'LL BE AWESOME

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      DEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

      I will take you to cheap bars and get you shit faced.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      I demand you visit me and vicky in NYC*

      * after she moves

    • RaoulDuke

      11 years ago

      Where you is, brotherman? Over there? Over here?

      Well, regardless of location, hope you're safe, fat & happy.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      Good luck man, and it's been quite some time now, but I am planning on going out there during baseball season (say Mets vs Cards) so that might be some icing on the cake.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      Also, in case you didn't notice Vicky and I are a thing, I figure when you get back state side we'll all have to meet up in STL and have some beer.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      Holy shit brother.

      How are you?

      I've just been thinking of emailing you.

    • SloeBombFizz

      11 years ago


      . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!


      . . . . . . . . . froheweihnachtenyg7.gif


    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      11 years ago

      swade! hi!

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      11 years ago

      Fuck You.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      roosterpedia.net/wiki/Swade

      I couldn't help the capital s.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      It's might be Ron English, but since the D sucks this year I can see them cleaning house completely and getting someone new.

      Post edited 9/08/07 3:37PM

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      Feel free to add to it with more info when everything goes live.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      I put it up when he scored the go ahead touchdown because I forgot I had taken it down, I'll keep it up too cause I'm still a fan goddamnit.

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      rvb.roosterteeth.com/forum/viewTopic.php?id=2208101&page=122#t3633

      What do you think about ignorance such as that?

    • FinchLynch FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      RATT N ROLL!

    • warmsox Sports Forum Moderator

      12 years ago

      You want to do him in the butt.

      And I agree, but as a fan of a rival team I am obligated to bring out the skeletons.

      Also, Mets fans chanting "Wild Pitch" was funny, if cruel.

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