• Activity

    • funny

      12 years ago


      The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They
      were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
      actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense
      of humour!!.


      Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

      A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

      Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

      A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

      Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

      A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

      Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

      A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

      Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

      A: What did your last slave die from?

      Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

      A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
      Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
      not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

      Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

      A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

      Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

      A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

      Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

      A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
      night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

      Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

      A: You are a British politician, right?

      Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

      A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

      Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

      A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
      make good pets.

      Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

      A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

      Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
      A: No, WE don't stink.

      Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
      A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

      Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
      A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

      Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
      A: Only at Christmas.

      Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
      A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

      Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
      A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first


      12 years ago


      A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said:

      "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.

      He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to Like that, but don't

      let him do that.

      He is going to try and feel your bre * ast, you are going to like that

      but don't let him do that.

      But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have

      his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do

      It will disgrace the family."

      With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

      The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she

      had predicted: "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he

      tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced

      HIS family..."

      Grandma fainted.

    • mid-life crises.

      12 years ago


      When I was married for 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."
      "Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

      My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

      Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.

    • Smart Ass answers

      12 years ago


      Smart Ass answers of the year these are good

      It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
      "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
      "What are my choices?" John asked.
      "Yes or no," she replied.

      A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
      As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

      A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
      She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
      The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

      The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
      "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
      The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
      When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

      A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
      reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
      Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

      A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
      I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

    • Senior Citizens- gotta luv em

      12 years ago


      Senior Citizens- gotta luv em

      At a Senior Citizen luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
      Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
      They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river,and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

      All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!

      When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened,but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

      They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
      He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
      There she went again, stripped off her clothes,and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman,so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

      She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river,and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"
      The woman replied, "Down."
      A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?" She replied, "Up."

      This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

      She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown."


      12 years ago



      =. Are you clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
      getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

      =. Avoid arguments with the Mrs about lifting the toilet seat by simply
      using the sink.

      =. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a
      few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

      =. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
      rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

      =. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
      will be afraid to cough.

      =. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
      forget about the toothache.

    • Manunda Earthquake Appeal.

      12 years ago


      CAIRNS Australia..
      Manunda Earthquake Appeal.

      A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre in Manunda, a suburb of Cairns.

      Victims in the hardest hit area of Murry st., were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "Whatem dat fucking shakin goin on bloke"..."Fuckin ell eh"

      and "Lookout now bloke eh".

      The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately $30.00 worth of damage.

      Several priceless collections of mementos from the Tarago Appreciation Society and the Manunda Progress Hall were damaged beyond repair.

      Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

      Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.

      One resident â€" Gloria Coconut, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said,

      "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Falcon came running into my bedroom crying.

      My youngest two, Tyler Landcruiser and Megan Panelvan slept through it all.

      "I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer the next morning".

      Apparently though, looting, muggings, domestics and car crime carried on as normal.

      The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Vegemite and grog to the area to help the stricken locals.

      Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,

      which include Benefit books from the federal government, Billabong T shirts, jewellery from Priceline and bone china from The Warehouse.


      This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.

      Clothing most sought after is, baseball caps, Holden t-shirts and tracksuits.

      Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

      Required foodstuffs include, Battered Savs, Northmaid Pies, McDonalds, Hungry Jack’s, KFC, Ice cream and cans of Red Bull, Casks of any wine, or Beer.

      If you would prefer to donate money, 25c buys a biro for filling in government compensation forms;

      $5.00 buys chips, gherkins and icecream (to help with cravings) crisps and red fizzy drinks for a family of 9;

      $10.00 will pay for a packet of Winfield Blues and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

      PLEASE do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring areas

    • Irish champion

      12 years ago


      Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

      Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and

      get me slippers?"

      "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two

      stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

      "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

      "Fook off you liar!".

      "I'll prove it," Murphy says.

      So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

      "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"


      12 years ago




      First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
      Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
      Third date : You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.


      First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
      Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
      20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.


      First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
      Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
      Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
      5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
      6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.


      First Date: You get dynamite head.
      Second Date: You get more great head.
      Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.


      First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
      Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
      Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.


      First date: Meet her parents.
      Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
      Third date: Wedding night.


      First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
      Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
      Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
      Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.


      First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
      Second Date: She's pregnant.
      Third Date: She moves in. One week later ~ her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

      The POINT ?


  • About Me

  • Comments (148)

    • BigBossSnake

      10 years ago

      3 years and no phone call!
      seriously dude, I haven't seen you in ages, get back to me sometime

    • ztw92

      11 years ago

      WHAT UP

    • Flatjedi

      12 years ago

      Dude your picture in your profile is hilarious

    • Viper007

      12 years ago

      hey! whats up?

    • isharanger

      12 years ago

      hey thanx for the FR!

    • leftbymyself

      12 years ago


    • brdnnr

      12 years ago

      Merry Christmas smiley11.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley12.gif

    • AaDlRs

      12 years ago

      Merry Christmas!!!! smiley12.gif

    • CyrusCheever

      12 years ago

      cool page.

    • blueboy191

      12 years ago


    • EgoDeusEst

      12 years ago

      Hey dude. Could you please go vote for me >HERE<
      If I win I will give out 150 mods for the people who voted for me.
      Simply say "EgoDeusEst x3" (you can copy and paste that if you want to)

      Thanks =)

    • jmbishop

      12 years ago

      this guy is a loser he needs friends and comments

    • Hydro626 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      go vote! see journal!

    • Hey12389

      12 years ago

      I see you like halo if so you might want to check this out
      Well for those of you love halo2 and want to find something to do one it here you go
      6 Hour Halo2 War
      Hey you guys tomorrow, monday, I'm going to host a 6 hour war on Halo2. Its going to be 6 one hour rounds. Weapons: you start with a shotgun and a pistol. Theres going to be human weapons on the map [Lockout]. There will also be no sheilds with nads on the map. If you want to join up post your username in my journal or send a f request to CeliYellow.

    • Martinez22

      12 years ago

      You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy(Eminem), the best golfer is a black guy(Tiger Woods), the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese (Yao Ming), the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

    • Wolfmother

      12 years ago

      Hey Tats,

      Help out your fellow Aussie bloke buy supporting this worthy cause. Any donation is greatly appreciated.


    • EgoDeusEst

      12 years ago

      Please go vote for me >HERE<.
      If I win I will split the prize in two. 75% for me and 25% for the people who voted for me.
      That way everyone gets a little something.

      In case you're pending on my list:
      I'll accept your friend request if you vote for me.

    • Rasta_Bob

      12 years ago

      i dont know why those people down there are so mean.....and if they dont want random fr's then why have the add friend button open? well sorry for my rant, and thanks for the request

      all that i ask is that you put me on watch......but if not, then its okay

    • brent05

      12 years ago

      can u vote for me here plz www.roosterteeth.com/members/journal/entry.php?id=1277066

    • ThrynnMaster

      12 years ago

      Random Friend Request DENIED.

    • ayalPkraD

      12 years ago

      Who are you? Why did you send me a Friend Request? You're 28 and sending Random Friend Requests? Do you watch Yugioh too? Get a life bitch

    • nonomt

      12 years ago

      congradulations dude.

    • Green_Day_AI

      12 years ago

      look in WarMasterBs journal 4 a contest plz do it, we realy need/want to make ourselves stand out with our group t's!!!

    • MasterSgt60

      12 years ago

      Yea jeez what the hells wrong with you man, jk.

    • geonex88

      12 years ago

      Your image was deleted because it was too suggestive/revealing for the general audience of RvB.

      Shots that pertain to Pornstars, Sites featuring Pornstars, Images that show a direct link to a site containing nudity or other sexual acts, are not fit for your Image gallery. Provocative shots that are either meant to entice or attract the opposite sex are considered NSFW. If you model or character (in the case of Anime) is in a pose that would make your grandmother blush, it is also not fit for this site.

      If you wish to post images of women or men please note that any image that is not fit for a magazine cover (image displayed in public) is not fit for your gallery. It is at the sole discretion of the MOD's to deem such images appropriate or inappropriate. Furthermore, images that depict death, violence, mutilation or could be considered offensive and/or disgusting by others are also subject to removal by Moderators


      Follow the guidelines and if your excuse is that other people have NSFW material up and it doesn't get taken down, you can either PM a mod with a link to the material or post a link in the NSFW Reporting thread.

    • LikeDavid

      12 years ago

      hey whats up tats.....hows life goin???

    • yuriassimov

      13 years ago

      1. To yourself, say the name of the only
      guy or girl you wanna be with 3
      2. Think of something you wanna accomplish
      within the next week and say it to your self 6
      3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to
      yourself 9 times!!!
      4. Think of something that you want to happen
      between you and that 1special person and say
      it to your self 12 times!!!
      5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as
      you scroll down focus and
      concentrate on it and think on nothing
      else but that wish.
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      * *
      Now make one last &final wish about that one wish that you picked.
      After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what
      you wished for will come true within in one week!
      u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your
      Keep going down
      Keep going
      Keep going
      Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was
      your last chance. Now pay very close attention this important message!
      Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
      letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863 and if you
      break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these

      First Example:
      Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl,
      up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid
      since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn\'t pay any attention to
      it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad
      got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the
      letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.

      Second Example:
      Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average
      nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
      your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in
      the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd grade. The
      next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for him ever
      since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of
      course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and
      married each other to live happily forever.

      Third Example:
      Now if you couldn\'t relate to the others, this\'ll
      get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just
      getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but
      not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his
      friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and
      he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few
      friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that
      same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his
      dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and
      play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend
      gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp
      Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin\' wild!
      the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out
      ever since.

      Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i\'d rather
      be, but thats up to you. I wouldn\'t wanna end up like Barbra but thats
      only me. We all want what we cant have but now\'s ur chance to go out with
      that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send
      this to-
      1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love
      10 people- your crush will say they like you as a
      15 people- your crush will say they like you
      20 people- your crush will ask you out!
      25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
      35 people or more- All of the above!!
      Don\'t blow it, it\'s ur chance to shine! Have
      everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any
      friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It\'s simple, just go in a
      chat room, pick some names and send away! but here\'s the catch.....you only
      have one hour to send it after being read. Please pass this to everyone u
      know and keep it going

    • max16

      13 years ago

      i did.. no camal toe or nipple..

      Post edited 7/15/06 6:08AM

    • mel978

      13 years ago

      I got a new journal if you wish to see

    • mjj0216

      13 years ago

      nice pics

    • bobinator394

      13 years ago

      Hey I was just wondering if you would like to join my contest all you have to do is go to my most recent journal and comment pumperknickle and you will be entered I don't want to give too much away about the contest in general but if you join you will be notified of what to do just read my journals to see what happened and have fun!!!!


      13 years ago

      tats, u and ur pix are the shit. you rock.

    • brent05

      13 years ago

      could you vote for me at this contest and tell others plz and thank u rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/profile.php?uid=219113

    • DeuxOfHearts

      13 years ago

      How about no?...=]

    • LikeDavid

      13 years ago

      hey whats up??? thanx for the add

    • jonshon

      13 years ago

      can u vote for me in star357's image contest?

    • anubis5919

      13 years ago

      dude, your a fucking noob. My major inclination is that all your disrespectful ness to women, and a profile showing more sexual oppression than a 16 year old who has no game leaves me to feel you are a 27 year old virigin trying just to impress people on the internet. Get a life.

    • mel978

      13 years ago

      Click here to vote me!!

    • angry_man

      13 years ago

      friend request...
      DENIED smiley0.gif

    • doll13ill

      13 years ago


    • brent05

      13 years ago

      your finally on when iam on

    • nonomt

      13 years ago

      i see you have 999 friends. lets make it a even 1000....

    • geonex88

      13 years ago

      need we reitterate?

    • darkwolf12

      13 years ago


    • chuupathingy

      13 years ago

      awesome pics. funny column from men.

    • geonex88

      13 years ago

      Your image was deleted because it was too suggestive/revealing for the general audience of RvB.

      Shots that pertain to Pornstars, Sites featuring Pornstars, Images that show a direct link to a site containing nudity or other sexual acts, are not fit for your Image gallery. Provocative shots that are either meant to entice or attract the opposite sex are considered NSFW. If you model or character (in the case of Anime) is in a pose that would make your grandmother blush, it is also not fit for this site.

      If you wish to post images of women or men please note that any image that is not fit for a magazine cover (image displayed in public) is not fit for your gallery. It is at the sole discretion of the MOD's to deem such images appropriate or inappropriate. Furthermore, images that depict death, violence, mutilation or could be considered offensive and/or disgusting by others are also subject to removal by Moderators


      Follow the guidelines and if your excuse is that other people have NSFW material up and it doesn?t get taken down, you can either PM a mod with a link to the material or post a link in the NSFW Reporting thread.

    • rsqviper

      13 years ago

      Damn, man. You have the best pics. Period.

      Could you do me a favor and go vote for me here if you haven't already, please?

      Thanks! I appreciate it!

    • jesusfreak9

      13 years ago

      hey it's me weslierainey, I had to change my account cuz someone got on mine and changed the password so I can't get on it

    • dragonjoto90

      13 years ago


    • dragonjoto90

      13 years ago

      Howzit going? ((haha, that's how I roll...)

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet