texassking

Male
from Wayland, MA

  • Activity

    • new journal

      13 years ago

      texassking

      this is a new journal just to get rid of the last one, which i was giving away mods. on account that the first two people got 45 and 40, respectivily, and the third got 4, i would hope to think that people would relize that i might be out. but...people are stupid. whatcha gonna do. to make sure this journal has some reason for exsitance, here is a comic that i hope you all gag on.
      comicmarshmallow4643qs.jpg
      p.s i have a few mods...blah blah blah...i dont care...blah blah blah...first post gets 'em

    • Bored....

      13 years ago

      texassking

      havnt been doing much on this for a long ass time. soooo...im giving away my mods!!! whoever posts here today will get all my mods. ill divide them up somewhat evenly, with whoever posting first getting slightly more then the rest, and slowly decresing as it goes down. you got untill...whenever i feel like stoping it.
      still got like...45 mods left. just to let everyone know. ...i need a life, dont i?

    • How to explain sex to children...

      13 years ago

      texassking

      Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!

    • hired help

      13 years ago

      texassking

      A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
      The guy says, Who is this?

      This is the maid, answers the woman.

      We dont have a maid, says the man.

      The woman says, I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.

      The man says, Well, this is her husband. Is she there?

      The woman replies, She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.

      The guy is fuming and says to the maid, Listen, would you like to make $50,000?

      The maid says, What will I have to do?

      The man tells her, I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk shes with.

      The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

      The maid comes back to the phone, What do I do with the bodies?

      The man says, Throw them in the swimming pool.

      Puzzled, the maid answers, But you dont have a pool.

      A long pause and the man says, Is this 567-5309?

    • voting...

      13 years ago

      texassking

      wow...i didnt even know i was in a contest...w/e. might as well try, right? vote for me
      here please. ty. now, for ur newgrounds/random joke thingie...
      happy song!
      Mafia Flower Business
      ok heres the joke (read it aloud or you may not get it)

      a while back in a northern city, the italian mafia had a monopoly on the flower
      business. they overcharged for everything, and many people couldent afford
      flowers for the loved ones after they had passed away and as they were getting
      married. determined to set this wrong right, two catholic priests started their
      own flower business with prices set low enough so that there was no profit from
      the store, and people began to shop there rather than buy overpriced flowers
      from the mafia. this caused the mafia dons to get worried, because the flowers
      were their only legitimate income and their cover. so they all got together, and
      thought about what to do to correct the situation. finally they decided to send
      their biggest and meanest henchman after the priests, whose name was Hue. he went to the priests, and through a show of force, shut their business down, and the monopoly was saved. the moral of the story? Hue, and only Hue, can stop Florist Friars!

    • Mods love these!!

      13 years ago

      texassking

      I saw this on a friends page and cracked up, so I felt I should share it with you

      Qcx918's Guide to getting moderators attention.....

      1. PM them often. Not just occasionally, but hourly. Mods LOVE PMs. They wait at their PC’s with their fingers poised over the mouse wishing for more PMs from forum-goers. Ask them lots of seemingly unimportant questions like, “Is it ok if I swear in the basement?†or “May I log off now?†No question is too small for the mods. They absolutely love them.

      2. POST IN ALL CAPITALS. Nothing gets your message across better than shouting. Some of the older moderators don’t see that well anymore, so it never hurts to be more visible.

      3. Post in the wrong forum. One of the moderators’ favorite pastimes is moving threads. They take immense pleasure in bouncing threads from forum to forum. The mods make a game out of it and see who can move the most threads in the shortest period of time. It’s a real hoot. Then they get to add to their “Moved Threads†list. Mods love to post in their own threads.

      4. Use personal attacks at every opportunity. Moderators enjoy it when you get personal and call them names. It makes them feel like they are really part of the community.

      5. Have a post count party thread every time your post count ends with a “0â€Â. Mods just love a good party. DiMono will certainly show up and wish you many more splendid posts.

      6. Spam the board with links to your band or business. If the Rooster Teeth guys can sell t-shirts, why can’t you make a buck or two here as well? But don’t forget to disguise the subject line to make it appear to be a legitimate thread. Mods are thrilled by displays of trickery and misguided thread titles simply make their day.

      7. Post links to porn. Most moderators have vast collections and like to swap videos and pictures. Just ask them. You know which ones.

      8. Argue with them constantly. If the mods say white, say black. If a mod says to quit doing something, repeat doing it. As mentioned, they love to post, and repeating themselves just gives them more opportunities to post.

      9. Misspell their names. They practically orgasm when you do that.

      10. Always quote the entire post. Or even quote the whole thread. Why scroll when it’s there to read again and again… and again. If these folks didn’t like to read, they wouldn’t moderate here in the first place now, would they?

      11. Never search out existing threads that deal with your subject. Even if the same topic appears at the top of that particular page, go ahead and post it because it may not be worded exactly the same. Individuality is key.

      12. Use slander. It prompts them to PM other mods. (See #1.)

      13. Put the word 'Moderator' in the subject of the new thread you’re starting. Mods love seeing their name, and the more you do it, the happier they get.

      14. Cross-post your thread in every forum. Otherwise the right people might not see it. And, horror of horrors, this might include your favorite moderator. Make sure to cover your bases.

      15. Be sure to let them know if you're upset. It's their job to make sure no one here is offended. Be sure to post threads if you read anything here that could possibly be construed as offensive to you, another poster, or any real or hypothetical person or group. Threaten legal action to let them know you're serious.

      16. Push the envelope. Moderators get bored with the day-to-day routine of patrolling the boards. Challenge them with new problems. Try to screw up the BBE code. See if you can crash the board with hyperlinks. Mess with the graphics. They'll never find about the weak spots in the board unless someone points them out.

      17. Stand up for your rights. Just because this is a free service owned by a private business doesn't mean you don't have a say in how it's run. Assert yourself whenever you disagree with the management and tell them how you think the board should be run. Remember to threaten to assert your legal rights.

      18: Post enough smileys to slow the board to a crawl. If one'll do, post two. If thirty-five'll do, post 50. Make pretty pictures using hundreds of them. Answer a solitary smiley post with another smiley post.

      19: Go crazy when your thread gets locked. When a Mod closes your thread, post a couple of threads in the forum asking “Why was my thread closed?†Try using foul language for added effect. Experiment, but above all, be prolific.

      20: Include the phrase "Quick, see this before the mods do!!!" in your thread title. Nothing attracts their gaze like this one does

      P.S. For those thinking this is serious it isn't. It's all in good fun. I recommed not doing any of the above, as it will probably get you banned

    • Actual Highs

      13 years ago

      texassking

      I was bored, and was reading something that said how "natural highs" were just as good as drugs. so i wrote this...
      Its commonly said that there are natural highs, better highs then taking drugs. Know what I say? Fuck ‘em. Here are the great things that can come out of great highs:

      1) Taking your first bong hit with that special someone. Then losing your innocence to that special someone.
      2) Getting so shitfaced that you throw up your guts the next morning, telling yourself that you will never do it again. Then you do it again next week.
      3) Driving past 10 police cruisers completely wasted, but still having enough control to make it look like you are still sober.
      4) Snorting lines at the supermarket.
      5) Getting an ounce in the mail.
      6) Having the munchies, and eating things that you never would have thought tasted any good. (Doritos, chicken wings, and mustered? wtf…)
      7) Having you and your friends giggling at the stupidest joke in the world, but you believe it was the funniest thing ever said by mankind.
      8) Calling random people at midnight to ask for a booty call.
      9) Calling ex-girlfriends at midnight to ask for a booty call.
      10) Calling family at midnight to ask for a booty call.
      11) Telling complete strangers they’re beautiful. Then get a nice and refreshing face full of pepper spray.
      12) Waking up hung over after a beautiful night of hard drinking, and realizing you have a few more hours of sleep. ‘Till you realize that the clock says 5:00 pm, not am.
      13) Have drunken, sloppy sex with a co-worker after the Christmas party, and have every conversation that you two have afterwards be forever awkward.
      14) Waking up with the strange feeling that your mouth is a glazed donut…
      15) Being completely baked and start to believe you’re actually Superman. Then take a swan dive off the roof right into the driveway.
      16) Watching an enchanted sunrise cause you’ve taken so much acid that you’re afraid to go asleep cause you think clowns will eat you.
      17) Getting out of bed every morning and know that whatever happens in your life, there’s always one thing that will help you. And that’s love. Love for you crack pipe.
      18) Finding an old baggie of weed in your jacket from last winter.
      19) Getting your dog high for the first time, and watch him start trippin all around the house.
      20) 4:20. Best day in the whole freakin year.
      21) Have someone hold back your hair while you puke. Then hold back theirs. That’s teamwork at its finest.
      22) Waking up to find that your princess the night before is actually a 240 pond woman that’s balding and has a mustache. And looks vaguely like your aunt Denise…
      23) Running through sprinklers cause you can't afford the water bill cause you need to pay off your dealer.
      24) Trying to shoot up, but have an air bubble form in your vein and slowly (and painfully) die. But you’re dieing while high on smack, so it’s all good.
      25) Knowing that you can always stop, know matter what anyone says. You just don’t wanna right now.

    • What?!? Harry Potters a perv?!?

      13 years ago

      texassking

      the "magical" nimbus 2000!
      i...cannot....belive...this...
      not a good journal w/out a random joke! actually, todays has an actual lesson!
      Job Interview Question
      You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

      1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
      2. An old friend who once saved your life.
      3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

      Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

      Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

      You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

      The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
      coming up with his answer.

      He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

      Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

    • A bit off from the usual!

      13 years ago

      texassking

      www.frappr.com/redvsbluemembers
      please note that the above link isnt a newgrounds. A friend asked me to pass it on. the newgrounds link is below! (if the link doesnt work, copy and paste it into ur address bar.)
      BulletTime
      and the random joke:
      Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions.

      The first guy says, "My favorite position is the rodeo position."

      "What is the rodeo position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man.

      The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and shes really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, Your sister likes this position too... Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."

    • Merry Christmas to all, and to all....

      13 years ago

      texassking

      DIE IN YOUR SLEEP, BITCHES!!! lol. sorry.... tired....

      Merry Christmas!!

      A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

      The woman notices this and cant help but ask, "Is your date running late?"

      "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

      The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?"

      "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

      "Whats it telling you now?"

      "Well, it says youre not wearing any panties..."

      The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

      The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

      EDIT!! thanks for telling me the last link didnt work! fuckin assholes... lol
      Ultimate Showdown!

  • About Me

  • Comments (121)

    • cdrom1019 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      11 years ago

      Hey i'm running for wii forum moderator. Do i have your vote? please spread the word that I am running for wii forum mod to every rt user you know. thnx

    • saged

      11 years ago

      HI, IAM MAKING A BIG CONTEST IF U WANT TO CHECK IT OUT IS MY JOURNAL!

    • Copter400

      11 years ago

      Godammit, I know what a phallus is. I just didn't know what a phallic symbol was.

    • Copter400

      11 years ago

      I'm not entirely sure what you mean. I'm not entirely sure I want to know.

    • wierdwill

      12 years ago

      u got any zelda games

    • wierdwill

      12 years ago

      link rocks

    • Fuito

      12 years ago

      sorry

    • froggerman

      12 years ago

      hey wats up like you jornal thats pretty funny

    • swordmast

      12 years ago

      Go to my images to see my girl Katie and my friend Ashley

    • usethefork

      12 years ago

      Seasonsss.jpg?t=1166742122

    • El_Bizaro

      12 years ago

      what's up brad? i was wondering if you could vote for me in
      Wild72's contest. thanks a lot

    • Maddog14680

      12 years ago

      vote for me hear please 3 times rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/journal/entry.php?id=1400520

    • camboy45

      12 years ago

      Dude, you are very welcome.

    • camboy45

      12 years ago

      Cool. I just made sure to ask first cause some asshole got angry with me for wanting to share that journal. You can read how that went down in the comments section smiley0.gif

    • camboy45

      12 years ago

      how big a zelda fan are you?

    • froggerman

      12 years ago

      you sould enter my contest its not very big though

    • froggerman

      12 years ago

      would you like to join my kingdom hearts clan

    • addboy674

      13 years ago

      wnat a 100 mods? check out my journal and spread the word!

    • Gamerfreak47

      13 years ago

      ha alrigth smiley8.gif thx man

    • Gamerfreak47

      13 years ago

      sux..too bad i missed it smiley6.gif

    • Tacoman9

      13 years ago

      Well, I don't remember taking you off...

    • Atoshi

      13 years ago

      z36602174.bmp

    • Tacoman9

      13 years ago

      I've made it to round 4 of Shadow_Dog's contest and need to be in top 3 to recieve any mods.

      smiley9.gifsmiley9.gifsmiley9.gif PLEASE GO HERE AND VOTE FOR ME smiley9.gifsmiley9.gifsmiley9.gif

      Thank you and tell ur friends!!!

    • dice9y4

      13 years ago

      how you get pictures on your page

    • ABC123ABC123

      13 years ago

      kakashislapped.gif
      youve been bitch slapped. pass it on! *no bitch slap backs*

    • ABC123ABC123

      13 years ago

      i have no idea either.

    • ABC123ABC123

      13 years ago

      298234824271zc.gif
      woo!!! party!!!!1

    • 180

      13 years ago

      seasureanimecontest3in.gif

    • infiltrate

      13 years ago

      Just did.

    • infiltrate

      13 years ago

      Check out my jounal please. I need votes.

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      i know. thanks man

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      Even i hate doin this, please go here and vote for me. thanks.

      ~Aaron

    • usethefork

      13 years ago

      GO PATRIOTS!!


      lol smiley0.gif

    • KUfan61

      13 years ago

      Its not like you miss my mod giveaways. smiley0.gif

    • Wheelz_TTV

      13 years ago

      FinE! lol i was just shorting it anywho

    • KUfan61

      13 years ago

      My bad.

    • KUfan61

      13 years ago

      I know i am. smiley8.gif

    • Death_Row

      13 years ago

      this is probly going to be the halo 3 cace
      12a98af1fdaab7b9.jpg

    • Death_Row

      13 years ago

      yo pleez look at my jurnal and if you want to yuse them pleez ask

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      "98% of teenagers does or has tried pot. If you are one of the 98% that has, copy and paste this in your profile, because we are cooler than everyone else!"

      dude, come on....

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      im not sure i can, but ill try

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      well, i could send them over Aim, but it takes a long time ta do. Or u could just get limewire and get them. or maybe i could just maybe email u them

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      Lets see, i have the 8 mile rap battle, a very rare eminem freestyle, some unrelesed songs, Bitch Please lll, and a Eminem and Biggy Smalls freestyle.

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      lol. jp

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      well, it helps me 2

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      have fun? [ and u know what i mean by fun ]

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      just lookin out for my fellow man

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      thats what im here for. happy jacking!

    • blaze1221

      13 years ago

      sry dude. knowin u, i thought. well, lol. sry. all ya needed ta do was ta delete it dude. not flip out

  • Questions

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