So yeah i havnt been on in like three years.....
Um I'm not even gonna try to act like ima check all yalls journals and stuff.....
So yeah I should be on more often again so ...um thats that
13 years agothanos12
So....I got sent to the looney bin....This is ussually where I throw in some witty little smart-ass comment about my time there....but i am at a loss for words...There was a guy in there who no shit thought he could talk to the devil....and he tried to make me answer the phone because he didnt want to get up...but there was no phone...at least not one that I could see/hear....I may be crazy but that guy was fuckin nuts....I have to say that I was actually worried for my life while i was in there...On a lighter note, Me and two other guys convinced one of the guys in there that he was playing cards by himself, and that we were just figments of his obviously erratic imagination....We felt a little bad about it after he started talking to his "other" friends who acctually weren't there....So yeah I'm definately goin to hell....I make fun of the mentally disabled....
13 years agothanos12
Yeah ....so I was talking to my boss man:
BM: "you need counseling"
ME: " Why?"
BM: "Your'e so depressed, its affecting the other troops"
ME: " OK"
So I go talk to the phsychiatrist:
Dr: "You need to take control of your bad thoughts"
Me: " How?"
Dr: " When you have a bad thought....I want you to yell STOP!....then replace the bad thought with a good one"
Me: " Seriously?"
Dr: " yeah trust me itll help"
Me: " I think you should be the one lying on the couch lady"
Dr: " See there you go with all that anger. Now sometimes it's good to vent so just tell me whats on your mind"
Me: " Well right about now I was thinkin bout how the fuck you got a PHD"
Dr: " We arent here to discuss me Mr. Starling"
Me: " Now your just projecting"
Dr: " What?!"
Me: " Yeah how does it make you feel when people say dumb shit?"
Dr: " I'll see you next Wed, hows nine sound?"
Me: " Um can we do like eleven?"
Dr: " Yeah i think i can squeeze you in"
Me: " cool"
Now that children is what you call a healthy, professional relationship....
13 years agothanos12
Lil boy blue was "blowing his horn"....cuz thats what they called it back then, anyways his mom caught him and sent him to tend the sheep, and tend the sheep he did...the moral of this story is ....dont send horn blowers to "tend" the sheep....
The cow didnt really jump over the moon...he was actually launched out of a cannon....and he is what caused the big crater in the side of te moon....also he is the cause of El Nino, because he pushed the moon out of its orbit ever so much and screwed up the tides....
Paul bunyon was out chopping down the redwoods that brought such good money in at market, when her felt the eggs he ate for breakfast..... he decided that no one was around and just let it rip.....this is what started the dust bowl...everyone started dying off, and the athorities thought it was from starvation, because they knew nothing of chemical warfare...the great american classic the grapes of wrath was called such because they were immune to the gas but could still smell it and it pissed them off greatly. In the later chapters of the book....the ones that were edited from the final release, the family went on to torture then kill Paul and his gaint blue ox....it was stringy but it got them through the depression.
I fell down today...everyone laughed...I cried they laughed harder, turns out I spilled my water in my lap and they thought i pissed myself....so then i laughed and they shut up......the moral of this story is your a dumbass for actually reading it.....and lsd is bad
The fork ran away with the spoon. lets analyze this phrase... If the fork ran away, then who was he running from...or what. Scholars debate that it was actually aliens that were chasing the fork...they wanted its mind control powers, so they could conquer the world...the fork got the last laugh when it used its esp to seduse the spoon and created an army of sporks...which jbrought on the second age of darkness...while unknoiwn to the uneducated, the rich and powerful fear another great war between these sporks and the great powers of the world....it's a known fact that George W. has been attempting to gain these powers, even going as far as to force the fork to make him win the 2004 election. It will be a catastrophe to say the least if the sporks come out of hiding...a dark day indeed
Everyone said sleeping beauty was under some evil spell, that her wicked stepmother cast on her. The truth of the matter is that Sleeping beauty was called such cuz every man in the kingdom had slept with her....the reason she fell asleep for so long during the story is because she caught mono from the butchers son. Prince Charming, was new to the kingdom and sleeping beauty's mother knew trhat he couldnt possibly now about her reputation and thought 'this is my chance to get her married' So her mother told the prince of her daughter's condition saying that an evil witch had cast a spell of sleep on her, gave him the medicine to give to her and sent him on his "quest"....he gave her the pills then started kiissin her while she was still out of it.....It seems that prince charming has a reputation of his own...yeah he isnt a stranger to roofies....
So the turtle and the rabbit were racing, the rabbit fell asleep the turtle won, the rabbit killled the turtles family then the turtle and stole the trophy and prize money....the rabbit then felt bad about killing the turtles wife, cuz she was a looker, as far as turtles go, so he proceeded to kill himself....the moral of this story is the wise man built his house upon the rock, while the foolish man built his house upon the sand, and the rain came tumbleing down, but zacheus was a wee lil man....some think he was a leprechan and was guarding a pot of gold..... but in reality he was a gnome...and was trying to create ice cream. So he found some americans and created Baskins and Robins....oh yeah the moral...screw everything.....kthxbye
The Lord of the Rings was actually written by Chuck Norris...Chuck is responsible for every theatrical masterpiece ever.....The Devil actually sold his soul to Chuck Norris
The Holy Grail is a myth....actaully there was the holy braile...but the europeans were stupid and thought it was a typo......so fixed it....which is why no one has ever found it...
The reason The Bible skips from the time Jesus was 12 until he was 30 was because everyone would quit reading there.....they knew it wouldnt get any better....
Moses was peeing on the bush when it busted into flames...it seems God does have a sense of humor...
Elephants are allergic to people....They swell up when they smell em.....Elephants in the wild actually look like horses with long noses...
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