from Texas

  • Activity

    • We've had enough!

      13 years ago


      1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing whining about you leaving it down.

      2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

      3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

      4. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

      5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

      6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

      7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

      8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

      9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

      10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

      11. Crying is blackmail.

      12. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say whatever the hell it is you want!

      13. We don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

      14. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

      15. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

      16. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

      17. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

      18. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

      19. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

      20. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

      21. Check your oil.

      22. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

      23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

      24. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

      25. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

      26. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

      27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

      28. The most ANY man can see is only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

      29. If it itches, it will be scratched.

      30. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

      31. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

      32. What the hell is a doily?

    • I see dumb people!

      13 years ago


      1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

      2. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."

      3. An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

      4. A man walked into a Topeka, Kan., Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

      5. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

      6. A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

      7. In Modesto, Calif., Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

      8. Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Calif., some folks, new to boating, we're having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

    • 2019 years ago

    • 2019 years ago

    • 2019 years ago

  • About Me

  • Comments (8)

    • tsax113

      13 years ago

      hey, i made it into the final round in kharma's sponsorship contest, and i need to ask for you to vote for me again HERE.

      here's how it works---i really want to win this sponsorship, so i need YOU to recruit votes for me! tell all your friends to vote for me, get as many as you can, but when they vote have them vote for me, then say who they were recruited by. if i win the contest, i will count up all the votes recruited by each person and give the person who recruited the most votes 100 mods!!!!! note that it is not the person who recruited the most PEOPLE, but the person who got me the most votes!!!! please do me this favor so i can win, and you may be rewarded in turn!

      remember, i will only distribute the 100 mods if i win, so please get votes for can get votes however you want, as long as you don't ask opaque...that's kharma's only rule. i will also count the votes you put in as votes recruited by you. also encourage your recruits to vote for kharma in the contests he has advertised in the journal entry, as then they can vote for me again.

      good luck in my contest, and thanks for voting! even if you normally don't vote for people, this may be a way to gain some extra mods so i hope you'll consider it!

    • JRmonkeys

      13 years ago

      CSI's mega contest nominate urself now

    • JRmonkeys

      13 years ago

      Merry Christmas dude

    • theblanking

      13 years ago

      Yeah, I after reading the faq's I contacted DiMono. I think it was already handled.
      Thanks for watching my back.

    • monkeychief7

      13 years ago

      that person lied to you and you should report that person to gavino immdeiatly
      (nighthawk14 thats is not you)
      message gavino and show him this comment.

    • OddSenorTaco

      13 years ago

      heres some mods points people keep sending me random mods.

    • theblanking

      13 years ago

      Thanks, Only showing I can give +1 mod points. Still a n00b.

    • nighthawk14

      13 years ago

      This post has been deleted by a moderator.

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