thegurutiger

Male
from Calabasas, CA

  • Activity

    • How to Tell If You're a bit of a Slapper

      11 years ago

      thegurutiger


      * You've had 3 different men in your bed on 3 consecutive nights, and you're not on holiday in Ibiza
      * People say is that a belt when referring to your new skirt
      * You buy all your jewellery from Argos.
      * You have more than one pair of knee high boots.
      * You've never met your best friend's boyfriend/husband.
      * You wake up regularly in strange beds, or in strange underwear.
      * You never wear knickers when you wear a mini skirt.
      * You got expelled from school for having sex with a student teacher on the premises.
      * When you started work you got sacked for having sex with the tea boy in the stationary cupboard, and the whole office watched it on the CCTV.
      * You never wear knickers- always thongs.
      * You think crotchless knickers are cool.
      * When you get drunk, you seem to always end up flashing your tits to everyone around you.
      * Doreen from 'Birds of a Feather' is your role model.
      * You buy 'PlayGirl' magazine.
      * The local GUI clinic has a mailing list exclusively for your contacts.
      * You think that orange actually is your natural skin tone.
      * Half the neighbourhood knows you go for the full Brazilian wax.
      * When you meet your boyfriends dad you realise he looks all tooooo familiar....

      Readers Suggestions

      * You like getting your ears pulled by strangers
      * You only shower before going out on the pull.
      * Essential handbag items include bright red lippy, femifresh and clean tights.
      * You have been advised that you can only take the morning after pill so many times in one month
      * You have difficulty finding someone new to have sex with in your town.
      * Your school skirt is rolled up at the waist, shortening it by about 12inches.
      * In the office you think that the photocopier is a seat.
      * You wake up regularly in strange cars
      * The label in your knickers doesn't indicate size so much as how many minutes you go without shagging someone at your local nightclub.
      * You've slept with your best friend's boyfriend/husband.
      * You think big gold earrings are hip and trendy.
      * You use hoop ear rings for supporting your legs.
      * You think wearing rings on all available fingers looks kewl.
      * You take pleasure in wearing little white newlook dresses with gold buckles and no underwear.
      * You've been on the television show 'The Villa'
      * You think yellow-blond peroxide color is "kewl"
      * You are a walking equal opportunities policy and will sleep with anyone regardless of age, race, religion, marital status ..
      * Your "roots" are always showing.
      * At the nightclub, you have used the toilets for sex with strange men while your bf is waiting at the DJ box!
      * You always have to wear your boots when shagging.

    • .

      11 years ago

      thegurutiger

      The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

      Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

      "It's a period" reported Johnnie.
      "Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

      "Buggered if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shit himself."

    • Warm and Moist

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
      CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
      MAN: Yes.
      CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
      MAN: He's at home.
      CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
      The next day, the man returns.
      MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
      CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
      MAN: Yes.
      CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
      MAN: He's at home!
      CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

      The next day the man returns.
      CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
      MAN: Put your hand inside.
      CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
      MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

    • Trade

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
      The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.''

      The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.''

      The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir'''

    • COLD DAY IN HELL

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger


      this is so something I would have done!!!



      Chemistry Exam answer

      The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

      Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

      Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

      One student, however, wrote the following:

      First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
      to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

      I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

      As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

      With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

      Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

      This gives two possibilities:

      1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

      2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

      So which is it?

      If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, (Cheerleader Captain and Class Valedictorian) during my Freshman year that: "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night and again this morning, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

      The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, Teresa kept shouting "Oh My God!!!"

      THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A+"

    • So you all wanted some jokes huh...

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      - Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

      The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

      The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

      So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

      The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

      So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

      - A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

      People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

      The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

      "We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

      "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

      I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? are you crazy??" She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once."

      "And from that moment.....we have lived happily every after."

    • 11th Time

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger


      - 11th Time The charm
      A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. How can that be if you've been married ten times?

      Well Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

      Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

      Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

      Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

      Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

      Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

      Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

      Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

      Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

      Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

      "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

    • Because I need the laugh...

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      - An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey. "Hey," he says, looking down the bar, "is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too.

      An ailing Italian with a humpback walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti too.

      A redneck swaggers in and hollers, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Heyâ€'is that God’s Boy down there?" The bartender nods, so the redneck orders Him a bottle of beer.

      As Jesus gets up to leave, He touches the Irishman and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman jumps up and dances a jig.

      Then Jesus touches the Italian and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italian’s humpback straightens, and he does a flip.

      Just then the redneck yells, "Don’t touch me! I’m drawing disability!"

      - Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find “No Trespassing†signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I’ve hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."

      The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I’ll make you a deal. We’ve got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we’ve grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I’ll let you hunt on my property."

      Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won’t let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I’m going to shoot his cow!" He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM!

      Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, "I got the cat and dog too! Let’s get the hell out of here!"

    • A joke to pass the time...

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      Surgeons

      Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.



      The first surgeon says:

      I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

      The second responds:

      Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."



      The third surgeon says:

      No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

      The fourth surgeon chimes in:

      You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."



      But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:

      You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."

    • Jokes are back....

      12 years ago

      thegurutiger

      - A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known Lovers' spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising
      situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

      The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?"

      The cop says: "What are you doing?"

      The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

      Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:"And her,
      what is she doing?"

      The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

      Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night
      in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

      The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"

      The young man says :"I'm 22, sir."

      The cop asks: "And her ... what's her age?"

      The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

      - I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went
      to the currency exchange window at the local bank

      Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying
      to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated.

      He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla
      for yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"

      The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations" .

      The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!"

  • About Me

  • Comments (359)

    • jamesfox47

      7 years ago

      CHECK OUT MY LEGO VIDEO ON YOUTUBE!!!! random enough for ya?

    • fairbias

      11 years ago

      Uh hi. You probably don't remember me, but I was a member and a friend of your here a years or so ago. I went by Garyuu. It would be cool if you accepted my request. Thanks.

    • Nyuu

      11 years ago

      hey whats up?

    • trunks2016

      11 years ago

      I'm having a Contest in memory of my Father
      The Winner will win 1,000 Mods
      It's going to be a Speech contest for Gamers
      Look at my Journal Please smiley0.gif

    • Bubbamodbot

      11 years ago

      ihas a new journal

    • littlemissy

      11 years ago

      hi how r u ?

    • SpFx

      11 years ago

      G'day, I'm just running around my freinds list bragging about my new CREATION!

    • darkmatter22

      12 years ago

      dude
      you should add this to your profile!
      darkmatter.podzone.org:8080/image%20hosting/trans.gif
      trans.gif

    • SpFx

      12 years ago

      Hi, Just a quick note to all on my freinds list, Please read my latest journal as it tells of the best thing thats happened to me in the last 2 years and I just want to share it because I FEEL HAPPY for once!
      Tanx.

    • Theprince100

      12 years ago

      wats up?

    • spartanpimp

      12 years ago

      whats up?

    • gambitthaman

      12 years ago

      hi man

    • GigasViking

      12 years ago

      Just a quick FYI to let you know that after 2 MONTHS I got the egyptian translator done! I am more relieved than ever now that the "bee-otch" (that's the name of the air freshener in the car used in the new Transformers movie) is done =)

      My newest journal entry covers the details you can check out sometime.

    • spartanpimp

      12 years ago

      why are you my freind?

    • Kang232

      12 years ago

      how was your 4th?

    • A236GODJacob

      12 years ago

      im starting to do the daily bible verses again if you want to read them

    • smz553

      12 years ago

      4thOfJuly11.jpg

    • moogle10

      12 years ago

      hey man wheres the pie because im f'ing hungry i ate 3 babies and im still got the munchies lol
      how you been

    • Kiwichaos

      12 years ago

      yo dude i have uploaded some more pics if you wanna look =D

    • xClickHerex

      12 years ago

      it appears i deleted u, oh well, i'll just send another FR

    • hot_irish

      12 years ago

      new pics! i would love it a lot if you commented!

    • EliteinSkirt

      12 years ago

      Hey, if you're busy just ignore this.

      I got some info on a character I need help developing, and I wanted to know if I could get some input from some seasoned veterans around RVB. Just read my journal. If you're not interested, just disregard this, and I apologize for wasting your time.

      But if you do decide to do it, thanks!!

    • GigasViking

      12 years ago

      Cool you're into stargate (they used actual assyrian cuneiform in some episodes)! Speaking of that I've got an ancient language translator (english to 5000 year old cuneiform script) you might want to checkout in my journal. Effing sweet I think...and took forever to put together :)

    • CleaveMech

      12 years ago

      wanna join my clan.

    • CleaveMech

      12 years ago

      hi

    • ownuhard93

      12 years ago

      God is still pwning the world with love... so random but worth saying

    • CleaveMech

      12 years ago

      Eh, can't complain.

    • CleaveMech

      12 years ago

      Hey, how are you doing?

    • Gadwin

      12 years ago

      Need jokes man!

    • XxHAZMATxX FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      bow before my dancing spartan from hell cnnt1.gif you have been conqured

    • wingedraptor

      12 years ago

      HI! how are you? (I got new pics)

    • Kang232

      12 years ago

      thanx for accepting my friend request

    • UNSC_sniper

      12 years ago

      Fable rocks!

    • wingedraptor

      12 years ago

      New pics ^^

    • corncob

      12 years ago

      LOL just llike to say that since I use a proxy server the IP address in your about section thing is wrong. It has the IP of the server not me. hehe

    • Gadwin

      12 years ago

      Dude you need to get in more jokes. My friends in school and I now ever lunch after we eat just read the jokes you have, and laugh, and ha ha's, so like get in some more kuz I'll give you like one mod for each of us... thats like 4....

    • Halomate

      12 years ago

      i stole your primary its my one of my images i hope you dont mind

    • cakerules

      12 years ago

      i love anime but i can't draw so i don't usually draw it. And whenever i do draw something my sister will draw something better

    • hendrix

      12 years ago

      I'm at school right now

    • ZEROFLY

      12 years ago

      Hey man, what's up?
      I haven't talked to you in a long while.

    • Zeus6969

      12 years ago

      howdy

    • wingedraptor

      12 years ago

      If you don't already now I'm holding a pic contest worth 60 mods.

    • Halomate

      12 years ago

      how are you doing its been a while sense i have had any conversation with you

    • Jimalimb

      12 years ago

      cool stickman animation, did you make it yourself?

    • Halomate

      12 years ago

      i stole your avatar its my new desktop
      i just think its a great picture

    • CleaveMech

      12 years ago

      Dude, What are the Assassin Ass Kickers? And you're chistian too?

    • A236GODJacob

      12 years ago

      nice images so are you christian

    • d0nut_07

      12 years ago

      dude how did you hack me?, that is so cool i gotta get me one of those

    • Boopa

      12 years ago

      hey how u doin!?

    • Halomate

      12 years ago

      ohh just wanted to say i love your christian pix its nice to see some fellow christians around here

  • Questions

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