I think the strangest place I've been to during my short time here was a strip club. I'm not particularly fond of strip clubs mostly cause of how confusing they can be. You can look but not touch... no matter how close they push it in your face. And when you don't touch the strippers call you a prude and walk off with your money. When i turned 18 my friends decided that we should go to a strip club, mostly cause I'm the youngest one of the group, and everyone wanted to go. And of course at 18 my response could be summed up briefly with the words "Fuck YEAH!!" So we drive two and a half hours to the closest strip club we can find all 6 of us jammed in one car. Now walking in I didn't know what to expect, greasy grimy pit stain of society of randomly up class strip club you see in movies. Strangly it was closer to the movie strip clubs which threw me off cause the building looked like it was built in rebuilt in 1980 after burning down in the 20's. So on we enter as we hear the music "crazy bitch" and a stripper with a knee brace dancing on the middle pole. Never in my life did I think I was gonna see a stipper with a knee brace, I mean that's dedication right there. What kind of financial shit do you have to be in to need a knee brace to continue stripping... Luckily for our cheap friend, cause of the knee brace she was 1/2 off. Little bastard tried to pawn her off on my too, the douche. Fortunately one of my friends was shipping off in a week or two so he had about $300 to blow. And the only thing I got was a lap dance from the drunkest stripper he could find.
And if you are to learn anything from this story its this..."if you go to a strip club, find the drunk ones they may not be the best, but dear Christ they are the most entertaining." The dance starts off with here stumbling into position, to begin the hard moments. Then she jerks around a little which somehow was still sexy. Though the best part was when she almost hit my head with her 5 inch think hooker boots. So to prove that it was safe she shows how in control she is.... and knocks over her drink. Needless to say knocking over a drunk chicks drink is a bad idea. Even more so when they are naked and are trying to lick it off their breasts.... okay maybe its not that bad. Still after this the dance was not finished. So we talked for a bit to wait for the next song for her to dance to. Cause god forbid she start mid song so I could get the fuck out with my testicles intact. So there we were talking... just like two people as if she were still wearing clothes. But this thought worried me, is she so unthreatened by me that being naked is no big deal... this wouldn't be the first time I was looked upon as "not a male".
But in hindsight I'm glad we just talked because strippers while not the brightest bulb on the Hanukkah bush, they are actually kinda fun to talk to. Its like one of those movies that's so horribly bad and stupid its funny... talking to a stripper is like watching south park. And by the time we have finished talking dancing and drinking, there was a bouncer ready to kick me out for hogging a stripper. Now I'm a scrawny white guy I cant do shit to anyone over 170lbs... so when a bouncer says move i get the fuck out. As i was getting up though the stipper defended me like the woman i am. The bouncer left I returned to my friends who by this point were ready to kill me cause what i hadn't noticed, I was in that booth for an hour and a half... best $20 spent ever.