wordsmith12

20 years old
from Marietta, GA

  • Activity

    • This One Goes Out to My Closest Friends...

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      Another Night on Mars | The Maine

      ...The ones who make me feel less alien
      I do not think I would be here if not for them
      See all the nights in shitty bars
      Throwing up in taxi cars
      Or on our backs under the stars
      As we sang, as we sing

      What's another night on Mars?
      With friends like ours
      Anywhere is home

      I came across this song and though of you guys (you know who you are). Despite all the alcohol references, this song does express how I feel about y'all. Becoming closer to y'all has somehow (I'm not quite sure how) given me the confidence to truly be myself. You have made me feel less lonely. And I definitely would not be as happy as I am today without y'all. We live all across the world, from Canada to the UK to the US, from NYC to LA. But no matter where we all are, no matter where I am, as long as we are together, on Skype or on a stream, I feel at home. That is an incredible feeling, and I am so happy I have that with y'all.

      Best wishes,

      <3 Aidan

    • Coming Out, Once More

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      A few months ago, I made a post telling y'all that I'm asexual and gay. Today I have something else to tell you. Although I doubt any of you have looked at my profile since the website change, if you did you would notice something different besides the layout and general new site goodness. Where my gender is listed, it now reads "other" instead of "female". This is because I have discovered over the past few months that I am not female (although a part of me still is).

      I'm not quite sure how to label it, because I find it hard to define my gender myself. I just know how to describe how I feel, for that is the way I determined this in my own mind. On some days, I feel female for the most part. I feel entirely comfortable with my body and am at home in whatever clothes I want to wear, from my normal casual t-shirt and jeans to dresses or skirts (today is one of those days). Then there are other times when something shifts, from day to day, hour to hour, or minute to minute. I don't ever notice the change as it is happening, I only notice it afterwards, but it feels like a dial has been turned to a different setting. In those moments, hours, days, I don't feel female. I feel pretty much neutral. I feel not like a girl, but not like a boy either. I just feel like me, Aidan. At those times I am not entirely comfortable with my body. When I look in the mirror I feel like my breasts shouldn't be there. I want to bind my breasts so that they are smaller. I contemplate what it would be like to have been born as a boy. I feel uncomfortable in dresses to the point of almost crying and feel most at home in either my normal casual clothes or some sort of blazer/bow tie/suspenders ensemble. I want to shop in the guys section of the store. I feel weird when someone calls me a woman.

      Yesterday, I experienced one of those shifts. I was shopping with my aunt. We went into Macy's and I bought four fairly feminine articles of clothing which I love. Once we left that store and started walking through the rest of the mall, the shift happened. I wasn't able to buy anything else that day. Nothing else appealed to me because we only went into the girl's section of the stores, and I wanted to go into the guy's section and buy things I would feel comfortable in that moment. I almost cried because I couldn't (my aunt would not have understood why I wanted to shop there and I would definitely have not been able to buy those clothes).

      I'm not really suffering because of this. I'm comfortable waiting until college when I'll have more freedom and be able to buy a binder or two and some button up shirts and bow ties and other menswear items so that I could feel comfortable in my body and my clothes no matter how I feel about my gender on any given day. A lot of my clothes are t-shirts and jeans, so I have some more gender-neutral stuff to wear on days when I feel more that way. Most of my days are in-between days. I'll feel comfortable in whatever clothes but still want to bind my breasts, for example.

      Nothing needs to change in how you treat me or address me. I'm keeping my name (which is gender-neutral already! thanks mom and dad!) because I love it. I'm still comfortable with she/her pronouns (although I am also comfortable with they/them pronouns so if you want to use those when referring to me that's great). I'm still the same person. I always was this person, I just had never thought in depth about this part of me before. If I had to give myself a label it would be non-binary or genderflux (a form of genderfluid). I know some of this stuff may be new to many of you, so I'm going to make a post about various gender identities in the next few days so that y'all aren't confused.

      On this site, I strive to be the most authentic version of myself that I can. That's why I make posts like these, revealing parts of me that, honestly, a lot of people I talk to at school or in my family don't know about (in this case just my best friend knows). The atmosphere in this community gives me the courage to be that authentic version of me. To be Aidan in their truest form. Because I am who I am, and no one can change that by force or without my consent. And I want you to know that person. I want y'all to know who I truly am. As always...

      Best Wishes,

      <3 Aidan

    • So Long Old Friend

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      This is the last day on this site before we convert to the new one. So long, farewell, auf wiedershen, goodbye.Thank you so much for friends and memories. I look forward to experiencing a new version of you.

      Best Wishes,
      Aidan smiley12.gif

    • Dear Christen Part 2

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      Continued from Dear Christen Part 1

      I want to tell people who I really am. This new ruling reinvigorated me, gave me hope for a future where I can truly be happy. I want to tell my family about that future. I'll meet a girl, maybe at a coffee shop, maybe in college, at a book store, at ComicCon, somewhere. We will become friends, and slowly but surely I will feel a pull like a magnet, stronger than I feel towards any other friend. She will become the most beautiful person in my eyes, and one day one of us will finally get up the courage to ask the other out. We will date for years, kissing and hugging and cuddling, going places together, playing video games, watching movies, being adorable, having fun, becoming each other's soulmates. I will be so lucky. Then, one beautiful day, in some beautiful place, one of us will garner up the courage to kneel down on one knee in front of the other and ask a question. The other will say yes and we will embrace and not be able to stop smiling for a week. I will feel so so lucky that she wants to spend forever with me. We will spend months planning the perfect wedding. Flowers, bridesmaids (and maybe bridesmen), guests, seating arrangements, location, day, cake, dresses, suits, all of it. When we say our personally written vows I will cry tears of joy because she is so beautiful and so perfect and I finally have someone who I can always walk with hand in hand, through every sunny day, through ever storm, and over every rainbow that comes after. Someone who will always be there when I laugh and when I cry, and who I can be there for. Someone who when I'm sick will be there with me every moment and still call me beautiful, and who I would do the same for. Someone with whom I never have to worry about how I act as long as I am kind to her, because she will always accept me for who I am, and who I can always accept. Because I finally found a girl who chose to be my bride. When we finish the vows and seal our union with a kiss all my family and friends and all her family and friends will cheer and throw rice or confetti or flower petals, and they will then be our family and our friends ever after. At the reception we will cut the cake and smash it into each other's faces through smiles and laughter. And then we will dance to whichever song we found to fit us like a warm blanket on a snowy winter's day, and everything will be perfect. That day will be the best day of my life. We will then buy an apartment or house wherever we want to live and start our lives there. We will buy furniture and things for the walls and somehow figure out who cooks and who does the dishes. Eventually, when we're ready, we will raise children. And they may come from us, from my womb or hers, or they may come from other mothers, from broken homes or families gone, and we will give them a home to replace the one they lost, a family to love them no matter what like their birth family may not have. We will love them with all of our hearts. They will call us mommy or mom or whatever other name we come up with, and when they come home with crayon pictures of our family from school with my wife and I in them we will beam with pride. We will watch them grow up and help them through every obstacle they face, share every burden. When they grow up and we become grandmothers, when we grow old together, I will be able to look back and think "yes this is the life I wanted to live. this was perfect" and then turn to my wife, my best friend, my partner, and smile at the beauty of it all.

      That is what I want. That is what I now have the possibility of having. That is the reason I cried tears of joy today, because today opened a door to the life I never thought I would get the chance at having. And that made me happier than almost anything ever has. I'm finally free to walk into the future that door kept me from. Do you have any idea how amazing that feels?

      Best Wishes,
      Aidan smiley12.gif

    • Dear Christen Part 1

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      This is a letter I wrote to my youth group leader from my church. It says a lot of things I want to say on here, so I'm just going to post it on here as well, with some bits omitted.

      Hi Christen,

      Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I awoke and looked at my phone and within minutes I had rights that I didn't think I was going to have for another decade yet, at least not in this state. I squealed in joy and got up to get breakfast. Throughout the day, as I browsed the internet looking at other's reactions to the news, it began to sink in as to how much this means for everyone, and for me. I am 95% sure that when I grow up and fall in love it will be with a woman. And now I can marry that girl if I want to and she wants to, whoever she is and wherever she lives. I cried tears of joy because I'm finally free to be my full self. I am a gay girl.

      My dad has said that I'm "too young to know" but I know that that is not true. No one tells my sister that she is too young to know that she likes boys. I've known about this part of myself for over two years now, and that part of me has never wavered since then. Throughout my childhood, I always felt that there was something different about me that I could never place my finger on. When I discovered that I was gay, I freaked out a bit because I had found that missing piece. Here it was, the thing I had been looking for for all these years without even knowing it.
      Being gay isn't every part of who I am. But it isn't a part of me that I can ignore by any means. It's always there, whether in the back of my mind or the front of it. It isn't all of me, but bits of it inhabit every part of my being, just like my belief in God. I'm proud to be the person I am, and being gay is as big a part of that as my writing poetry or being a geek.

      My father doesn't want me to tell people about this part of me. But I can't walk around every minute living a lie. I've told my sister. I've told my friends. And now pretty much the whole school knows through the grapevine. The only people I have not told are my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grandpa, along with a majority of the people at church (except for you, Nicole, and Dani). But I want to tell my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, and other people at church. I already know that two of my cousins and their parents may have figured it out and would be accepting, so I want to tell them. I want to be free from living a lie. Free from having people talk about hypothetical future boyfriends and I can't say "Never in a million years. I want to have a wife". Free from remaining silent whenever relationships come up because I can't say anything about even having the slightest crush. I'm tired of this lie. I'm so so tired of it.

      My dad claims that I am "too young to be making this kind of decision about my life". I didn't decide to be who I am. And yes, I agree that it is possible (but only remotely) that when I grow up that I will end up married to a guy. People change, and most everyone around is okay with that. I used to listen to country music, and now I don't, and no one blinked an eye. Why should this be any different? If I tell people about this now, and change later, I doubt that many people will care that much. Although I doubt that that would happen. This is who I am as a person. I can't change it. I've tried and I can't. And I don't want to change it either. Why would I?

      Continued in Dear Christen Part 2

    • June 26, 2015

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      Today I cried tears of joy. I'm finally free to dream of my future. I can find that perfect girl, no matter where or who she is, and we can live wherever we want in these fifty states and get married. We can adopt children together. We can visit each other in the hospital when one of us is sick. We can file taxes together. We can buy a house together. We can live as freely as any other couple in the US. Whenever I find this girl and marry her, I can have the wedding in my home state if I want, where all of my family lives. There are already same-sex couples getting married within twenty miles of me. I'm so happy for everyone who is getting married after the ruling. For all the couples who have been waiting years and years to finally be able to say "I do". For all the couples in the future who will be able to plan weddings and be free to love. For my government teacher Mr. Davila, who got engaged to his fiancè a few months ago and can finally walk up to the alter with him. This is not the end of the fight. Transgender and genderqueer people still don't have all of their rights. Children are still afraid to tell their families and friends and communities who they truly are (like myself). But today love won. Today the door I thought might be closed to me was blown open. And I could not be happier. I could not be happier.

      Best Wishes,
      Aidan smiley12.gif

    • Ladies Night!

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      ShimmySham will be live any minute now. Come hang out and watch the shenanigans unfold!

      www.twitch.tv/shimmysham_gaming

    • Pitch Perfect is Acamazing!

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      And I really wish I could sing well so that I could do acapella it would be so fun.

      That is all

      Best Wishes,
      Aidan smiley12.gif

    • Stream Time!

      4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      @Keanu will be streaming Season 2 of The Walking Dead in about 20 minutes. Come hang out and watch the feels unfold!
      twitch.tv/rt_kvondee

    • 4 years ago

      wordsmith12

      I'm doing a presentation on Rooster Teeth in class and my final slide is about the community. If any of you have some pictures that show just how awesome this community is, please link them in the comments, and then I will use them in my presentation. It would really help me a lot. Community is my favorite part of RT and I want to represent it in the best way possible.

      Best Wishes,
      Aidan smiley12.gif

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