xLynsyx

Female
from Rocky Mount, NC

  • Activity

    • ...but I'm afraid.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
      You tell me that you need me
      Then you go and cut me down, but wait...
      You tell me that you're sorry?
      Didn't think I'd turn around, and say,

      "It's too late to apologize, it's too late
      I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late"

    • She says nothing of what she thinks

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      There’s a loneliness inside her
      And she’d do anything to fill it in
      And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
      It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
      When all the colors mix together - to grey
      And it breaks her heart....

    • A phrase that cuts these lips.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      I guess it is time to take one step in the water... walk into the unknown until it becomes home... because acting like the victim, no matter how hurt and betrayed I am, threatens my dignity.

    • Im strong enough to handle any situation

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      daddy1.jpg

      There is no other way I can start this off, Daddy; all I can do is begin with the first words that cross my mind. As time passes right before my eyes, it has become harder to hold on to your existence... your memory, once so real and full of life, has simply just become little picture frames, haunting every bone and muscle in my body... I'm terrified and frightened of losing the only thing I have left of you--your animated presence, but with each passing day it becomes harder and harder to feel... and the memories become more vague. I need to feel you, so that I can hold on to that little bit of hope that you are walking beside me with every decision I make... I want your spirit to live through me so that my kids can know their grandfather and see how great of a person you were, no matter how many mistakes you made. I hurt myself by taking you for granted and never once did I think that in order to appreciate you, you had to be taken away. I still cry... 'cause the utmost toughest part is letting go... and realizing that I can no longer stare in your eyes and watch them glisten. Dad, for all those kisses I wouldn't give you on the cheek because I thought 'big girls' didn't do that... I wish I could give you them plus 100 more for every day you've been gone... I yearn to make so many things up to you. I love you. I miss you. Watch over me while I sleep, okay?

      Love,
      Lynsy Michelle.

    • I have a lot to say.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      Here I am, looking forward to my 20s & I have so much to say.
      List 21 things that you have wanted to say to someone but never could and never will. Don't say who they are, just write... and yes, you can put more than one statement for one specific person... and you can write about however many people you want to.

      1. I just want you to know after everything that we've been through that I still love you... but I realize things change & people move on... I've moved slightly forward.
      2. I hid who I really am from you 'cause I was terrified that you wouldn't accept me for everything that I stand for... That was my biggest mistake... for trying to pretend I was someone else, while becoming unhappy, to get your attention... but I suppose everyone has done this atleast once in their life, right?
      3. I spent so much time trying to be right... that I was dead wrong.
      4. I miss you. I miss you so much... that sometimes I just curl up in my bed, crying until my eyes turn dry... 'cause I can't ever get you back... and with all my faith that I hold tight that you are looking down on me, I try every day to not loose the feeling of your presence. Though after so long, it is so hard to believe anymore... I hope you are proud of the way I've lived my life... Every piece of advice and all your guidance, I haven't taken them for granted... I love you.
      5. If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty.
      6. You watch my every movement, along with my every gesture... while critiquing all my imperfections... and you make sure that everyone is aware of all my flaws, 'cause you want to avoid any negative attention towards you. But, as hard as it is for you to believe me, I completely understand where you are coming from... because less than a year and 1/2 ago I used to do the exact same thing... with the same exact intentions... until I found the inner strength to be happy with my own blemishes... and that, darlin', is when I realized that pointing out everyone else's flaws was just a waste of time.
      7. "I have found that the art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity."
      8. You keep running away from me... and I can't quite figure out why...
      9. How can you hate someone that you have never even met?? or given a chance?
      10. Boy, you are the most complicated human being I've ever encountered... and usually, I can begin to understand why people do things after getting to know them... but you, still after so long... you still surprise me every day.
      11. Thank you for being such a great friend... and allowing me to see that who I am inside is more than what people want to make me out to be. I promise I'll return your friendship with much trust, sincerity, and faithfulness... ilu.
      12. I've been learning to live without you... but I miss you sometimes.
      13. No matter how bad I want to regret you, I can't... 'cause at one time, you were what I wanted [I chose to share a piece of me with you]... and how can you regret something you used to look forward to almost every single day?
      14. Your words hurt more then your swings.
      15. As I pour my heart out, I never once thought I would ever address you again... and even then, no matter how bad I wish we could kill our animosity, I know all your "friends" don't want me talking to you... and will do everything in their power to make sure you will never want to befriend me again... but for once, I wish you would atleast slightly understand my motivation for wanting to get things right between us.
      16. I want to taste you... and I want you to need me like I need you.
      17. Girl, you are simply amazing and throughout our downfalls in our junior year, we stuck with each other... almost two completely different people from two entirely dissimilar backgrounds... but yet, we connect so perfectly. Your heart is the heart of an angel--full of compassion and forgiveness... I admire you, even though I've never said it.
      18. Stop pretending like you know me... when you've never spoken one word to me in person. [and stop judging me from my myspace.]
      19. It has been so long since I've felt like I could love again... I'm scared to trust and terrified of fallin' head of heels... but you, dear, give me hope... and how can I love without taking chances??
      20. As each passing day embraces my existence, I begin to comprehend my flaws and weaknesses more elaborately... However, I plan to change what needs to be fixed... but I've realized the hardest part of this process is that people don't know how to forgive or look at you as a new person--even if they have never met you.
      21. You were never a friend to begin with.

    • quite an update, my friend.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      Sorry RedvsBlue.
      I've abanoned you for quite some time now.
      Between Work, School, & being always on the go... I rarely give any websites attention now-a-days... but I haven't forgotten about you.

      A lot has been going on. I'm learning the values on Humbleness, Selflessness, and being Passionate about life. In a cynical world, I strive for these characteristics. I've done some more growing up recently... and I come to you, redvsblue, to write about it instead of myspace, livejournal, or facebook 'cause I'm not trying to impress anyone I know....

      Tonight, I wrote an ex-boyfriend this. Everyone tells me that he proudly states that he hates me and likes to adverstise his frusteration... and I haven't cared to say anything to him about it... until now, the right moment... the perfect time for closure.

      Joe,
      I never thought that I would ever want to address you again... never thought I would have to talk to you again, or even hear your name... 'cause honestly, I don't even know who you are anymore. You've grown up quite a bit from your 15 year old-Lamron days... into someone that is far from recognizable... However, no matter how much hate you carry for me or how much you desire that my existence would disappear... I never once thought you would allow yourself to talk so much shit about me. No matter how many grudges I held tight against you, I was almost positive that you obtained one of the hardest qualities it is to own--the ability to hold back your tongue at the moments you just want to spit fire at someone's name... and I'm not going to lie, every time someone comes to me saying you hate me, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but when they say you elaborate on your hate... yes, I'm affected... just a slight bit... but nevertheless, I get that shaky feeling that overwhelms my nerves... 'cause no matter how bad I want to ruin your name, I respect the little bit left of you that is respectable and I trace back the past ['cause as hard as you wish you could turn back time and skip meeting me... you did chose to know who I was for 9 months]. It took me so long to understand that I shouldn't regret you, and even still--there is something in the back of my mind that wants to forget your existence, as I'm sure you want to erase mine completely from memory... but we can't do that, Joe... and slandering my name doesn't make things any better. I'm just now beginning to comprehend so much, and I'll admit... I have become a failure in the past few long months [and I'm slowly changing, redefining who I am and who I'm supposed to be]. But that is how some of us learn, from mistakes... and once I leave Rocky Mount, which is in another 6 months or so, I'll be able to take what I've gained from my flaws and mishaps and use it towards my real life-- ya know, the one that starts after high school. But, even then I don't belittle your name (especially while taking much pride and enjoyment in it), or post bulletins about you... 'cause you were once part of my life. I don't regret anything because at one time, that is what I wanted... however, I realize things change. People & life move on... and this is part of my closure process, letting you know that I hold no more grudges && I look at you as a new person. I wish you well in everything you do, the people you meet, the future that is in store for you. Joe, I'm happy for you... 'cause I've heard that you've finally found your place. Good Luck achieving everything that you were born to have.

      -Lynsy Michelle.

    • "I'm in repair..."

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      I'm in repair... unsteady but ready.... and wondering what silly thing he possesses that allows him to have so much mental control over me without even trying. It's another reality check, causing old emotional damage to rise to the surface, once again, & allowing me to relive old almost out-of-reach memories...

      Right when I thought everything was a blur... everything became so clear.
      Maybe I didn't want things to happen this way.

    • lalala.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      i played halo this weekend and missed it.
      it had been atleast a couple months since i even looked at the game.
      michael, edouken... play again soon, eh?

    • featured profile.

      12 years ago

      xLynsyx

      haha. i get a text message from an old friend of mine saying, "you are redvsblue's featured profile today"... and when i got on... i had new everything... and in abundance.

      thats cuhrazy...

      in other news:
      my friend and I decided to spray paint a random Big-Kmart wall.

      lynsyshawt.jpg

      john.jpg

    • :)

      13 years ago

      xLynsyx

      I gave myself some bangs last night because I was tired of people telling me I don't look the same with my hair up. It made me feel ugly or something. haha. So, I put eyeliner and bangs on... and this is what I got:
      outside.jpg
      ME!

      After I grabbed a load of my laundry and threw it on my bed, Justyce decided to lie on them:
      justyce.jpg
      Usually, I would get upset (because of cat fur) but he just looked SO CUTE!

      Joe and I went to City Lake to feed the duckies!
      1.jpg

      2.jpg
      The Ducks started droolingggg. haha.

      3.jpg

      5.jpg

      4.jpg

      6.jpg
      I started getting a little aggravated about the heat.

      7.jpg
      But bread made it all better.

      8.jpg
      This duck decided to give us a guilt whine so that we would feel sorry for it.
      ...and we did. lol. We gave it extra bread :)

      9.jpg
      The white ducks were the bosses, obviously. Every duck moved out of their way.

      10.jpg
      They started to follow me to the car.

      11.jpg
      THEN, they got angry and started chasing me to the car... haha.

      After City Lake, we got a drink at the gas station and headed out to the Skatepark.

      ugh.jpg
      It was really hott.

      shoes.jpg
      Mix matched socks<33333

  • About Me

  • Comments (132)

    • Naruto_Rules

      11 years ago

      i miss you kiddo

    • Jon93

      11 years ago

      You ok?

    • Lockore

      12 years ago

      Not seen you around in a while, hope everything is alright.

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      Where'd you go!!!

    • Naruto_Rules

      12 years ago

      dun dun dun!
      hello ^_^

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      I've just realized that I've been writing journals that no one reads.

      Please help the poor and needy.
      Watch me!

    • whiteboy09

      12 years ago

      dang my images just started working and wow ur really pretty...i'de say hott or sexy but one girl said she didn't like that

    • whiteboy09

      12 years ago

      i am from greenville north carolina...not to far away

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      Sorry for your loss.....

    • boxryry

      12 years ago

      ........ lynsy

      ????

    • boxryry

      12 years ago

      aw thanks

    • billtheloser

      12 years ago

      well i guess that we'll have to wait and converse at a later date, iffin you like.

      by the way... your journal is awesome. i have a lot of respect for someone who is willing to write out something as well-versed and mature as the letter to 'joe'. i hate that life has thrown you that curve ball, but in retrospect, its good because it will help you grow into something better.

    • billtheloser

      12 years ago

      thanks for the friend add...

      how are ya?

    • iCeDrAgOn01

      12 years ago

      hey could do me a huge favor and vote for me here. id really appreciate it. you can vote 3 times too. also if you vote for me ill give you a cookie smiley1.gif

    • boxryry

      12 years ago

      Retarded for doing what? At least I didn't spraypaint my name somewhere with a butterfly

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      We are "Joel-buddies" we are both awarded by Joel, yay us! yay Joel.

    • shadowmast05

      12 years ago

      spread the insanity this is not a chain letter
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    • Sapphireweap

      12 years ago

      Thanks for the add

    • Pepper2000

      12 years ago

      It is all good pretty much. Hope I will one day be FU, it would rock! So were you suprised to hear what happened

    • Joe_2

      12 years ago

      no problem

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      Well thank you I love you too smiley4.gif .

    • o_zo_o

      12 years ago

      woots

    • iCeDrAgOn01

      12 years ago

      congrats on bein featured =]
      i still havnt been featured =[
      ttyl.

      ryan

    • tuttman1234 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      Hey, congrats on being Featured!

    • xcuteees

      12 years ago

      I SPELL MY NAME WITH A "Y" TOO!!

    • mrzerkama

      12 years ago

      yeah, I'd be surprised too, what with over 500,000 users... it must be a total shock (of course not as much as the shock to Mr. 500,000... he was COMPLETELY ambushed with things almost the minute he signed up)

    • TheMatt

      12 years ago

      You are very welcome. Hope you are enjoying it.

      I have never been featured *sniffle*

      Anyways, have a wonderful night.

      Matt

    • Elnea FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      Hey kiddo. It looks like you are the featured user but might miss the excitement. Here's a screenshot of the News page for you to see. Congrats.

      FeaturedUser1017xLyn.jpg

    • Psyward

      12 years ago

      Congrats, On being the featured User smiley11.gif

    • PsykerWB

      12 years ago

      wow, she is featured and not on

    • shakespeare

      12 years ago

      woo a cool redhead featured

    • Shugo27

      12 years ago

      congrats on featured user today!

    • Dragon

      12 years ago

      Congratulations on being featured! :-)

    • AbyssFury22

      12 years ago

      Cool! Congratulations on Featured User. smiley0.gif

    • Joe_2

      12 years ago

      congrats on FU

    • BreezyShel

      12 years ago

      today's featured user, first one i've seen w/no star..but congrats smiley0.gif

    • jay3of7

      12 years ago

      Congrats on being the featured user !!!

    • Jon93

      12 years ago

      Hey! Gratz on featured user.
      You deserved it!

      Have a good day,
      Jon


      *To Bottom post*
      Please don't post anywhere else....crawl in a hole and never come out....
      thats was rude and uncalled for, Grow up...

      Post edited 10/18/06 4:30PM

    • BluDragon12

      12 years ago

      gratz on bein a featuered user.

    • Christyxo

      12 years ago

      'gratulations on being a featured user

    • dzing

      12 years ago

      Congratulations on being today's featured user!

    • Pepper2000

      12 years ago

      Hey, congratulations on being the FR. Wat is up?

    • Aggie09

      12 years ago

      lol Ducks are evil and congrats on bein featured user.

    • EYVoom

      12 years ago

      Mazal Tov

    • racer25x

      12 years ago

      Nice photo of the sleeping cat smiley1.gif

    • Kiarushka

      12 years ago

      Congrats on being the Featured User. smiley0.gif

    • Bondius

      12 years ago

      Hey, congratz on beeing the featured user, hope you don't mind if I keep an eye on you ;)

    • TheMatt

      12 years ago

      Congrats on being featured.

    • Wheelz_TTV

      12 years ago

      Congrats On FU! :)!!!!! smiley0.gif

    • mrzerkama

      12 years ago

      congratulations on being featured user

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