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from Finland

  • Activity

    • Finally

      1 year ago


      ! The promised video is up for watching now. <.<;;; :D

    • Monday's Moody Ponderings

      1 year ago


      After another energy draining 'conversation' with someone I have known from another website (some of you may know which I'm referring to), I started thinking about two things.

      Do I complain a lot and overly talk about myself / my troubles, too, and thus drain other people's energies? + Is that why people (in general, not from here) withdraw from me the moment they can?

      And why is it the people from that other site that keep draining out my energies?

      Just... *slams her forehead to the desk* I don't mind people telling about their troubles to me, but if 99% of the 'conversation' is "Ohh I have it 2k% worse than anyone else you know" thennnnn.... argh. 

      I could write more and elaborate but ... nah. I feel too mehh to do that now. Q_Q

    • Zeit Tries to Date, part 4

      1 year ago


      First of aaaall, a clarification I already made on a thread (or tried to make a clarification): I am not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship, but also not for one-night flings. <__<;;; So to call these 'dates' is a bit... eheheh... Not too correct I guess? I just want to meet new people.

      To elaborate. What I do need to do is practice meeting other human beings. Over the years I've grown socially anxious, and I know if I don't practice this sort of thing it's only going to get worse. I used to be social as a kid, but then I got bullied and started withdrawing. I did have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, but going to new places wasn't my favorite thing either. By the time I met with ex, I wasn't a complete reclusive and via him I met more people and it wasn't too bad... but over the past few years with him, my self-esteem took a nose-dive and I started going... bad. I'd fear meeting new people, afraid if I'd spill out secrets I shouldn't have even known about others, and come up with excuses not to even meet old friends. And I'd gotten used to being on my own, as he was always working, on his phone, or with his friends... and he'd wanted us to live in the middle of nowhere.

      Soooo yeah. In the past few months I've tried making more effort into meeting new people. Other ladies at first, to avoid the possible clashes of interest, but since that wasn't going so well... well. Living in the middle of nowhere without a car doesn't really help either, nor that I lose interest in hobbies pretty fast. I also find it hard to 'click' with other females, either I feel inferior to them or I get the sense I can't trust them (some of the hardest betrayals I've experienced were from other girls). 

      So yeah. I know I'm not fully healed yet, there's anger issues and trust issues to work out before I could start actually dating anyone and I need to be as upfront about it as I can, but I do know that if I wait any longer, then my fears and anxieties are only going to get worse. It's walking on a tightrope since certain behaviors of others 'trigger' memories in me and get me doubting their interest / motives, but GODDAMNIT. I want to meet new people. |:< I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to end up pretending to please someone else again either. So yeah it isn't easy, navigating on this sea of human relations.

      Soooo earlier this week I'd agreed to meet with Mr nro 2, and there was a point this weekend where I wanted to call it off 'cause I was so fretting over the past and the whole ghosting experience with ex (and that he kept making social media profiles he had never had before, as far as I knew anyway, using the same platforms as I did) and 'cause I hecking keep comparing guys to him... (and some girls, too, and some girls to the lady people in his circles). 

      But. I guided mom to the station then went to see the guy. And let's makes this short and just say that I'm glad I went. Definitely a good experience, 11+ EXP to the Zeit Dating Sim lolololol. If nothing else, then at least I've gained a new friend.... not to mention I had a good experience with another human being. 

      Also, I think it's worth mentioning I don't try to flirt. I don't dress up too specially, like... when I agree to go out with someone, I then try to put on clothes I'd wear to lectures and other university-related meetings. Like today I wore my camo hoodie and a beanie hat, as well as all of my rings. (Which were brought up in the conversation, sort of; I changed my ear piercings to titanium ones, finally, on Friday and they've been a little irritated / itchy since [but healing faster than with the practice piercings], I almost scratched at an ear, flinched, and he asked what's up and I told him I'd just got them changed and then we discussed jewelry and such and I mentioned I'm used to wearing rings almost 24/7 since I was a teenager.)

      Sooo yeah. That's it for now. xD Wow what a long-winded post. Wasn't supposed to be this long. Uhhhh next up I should probably get done with the video I've promised to dooooo! xD

      PS. Blessed silence...... I haven't even turned on a console / TV, let alone put up any music yet. Such blessed silence.... ahh.

    • 100 Years, Video Plans, Mom's Visit

      1 year ago


      Happy Belated 100th Anniversary to Suomi Finland! <3

      I spent the Independence Day with mom, as she got here on Tuesday. We took some candles to Lutakonaukio where the event organizers formed a '100' from the candles there, and then we went around some uhh local bars xD and visited the stairs of Harju when they got lit. And then visited some more bars. xD 

      So I'm still still having some issues with YouTube, and since mom isn't leaving until tomorrow, well. It's been delayed. x( But it will be done, damn it! :D 

      I'm exhausted. We've been going around the city, trying to figure out a puzzle with 2k pieces (fml whose stupid idea was this thing), and... well. I just want some alone time already. 43 square meters isn't a lot for 2 people... Gran called me yesterday asking when I'm going there, and I had to tell her by the end of next week 'cause I "have to study", but jfc really I just want some peace and quiet before I have to be social again 24/7 and adjust my lifestyle to the daytime living. Normal people are the cray-cray ones. <.<;;; 

      Anyways, that's the updates from me for now. I'll check on the forums real quick but yeah, puzzle is awaiting and so is more city exploring. (killmepls I miss having a car of my own)

      Hope you're all doing well out there. <3

    • Oh hey hey - Update 2

      1 year ago


      Due to technical issues, I haven't got the video up yet - I've recorded twice now, and both times when I've started working on the subtitles (for Finnish words etc) I've noticed the new online webcam recorder site had decided to cut off the sound after about 10 minutes. :s I'll try again once mom gets out for a walk, and hopefully the old recording site works better. (And nope, I can't get recording software to work on my laptop, let alone YT encoding.) If it won't work, I'll record on my phone and add subtitles way later, we need to go downtown in a couple of hours..


      Thank you for all the questions!! <3 I'll be making the video today because mom's coming over later tonight & I'd feel super shy with her around tomorrow xD soooo yeah questions are now closed! :) I got a handful from Twitter & then quite many on here~

      Stay tuned! :3

      Finland's 100th Independence Day is soon! :) Dec 6! Got any questions about it, the country, the language, the people, post them here and I'll make a video in which I'll answer y'all from my perspective of things. ^w^

    • Zeit Tries to Date, part 3

      1 year ago


      Soooo :3

      I went to see someone today...~~ I think it went pretty well. ^^ We met up around 1pm and I just got home around 5:30pm... We went to a cafe and sat there talking for a good while about games, work, studying, cars, even weather xD before having something to eat a Subway (because I couldn't decide where else to eat, lol, I suck at deciding about such things). 

      I don't know what else to write. :D It was quite fun and a lot less awkward than I'd worried (I didn't infodump him about the past, for one) and I hope we'll see again. ^^ 

      But yeah. +10XP for me!

    • Warthog Wash

      1 year ago


      So I recorded another thing for YouTube, with my phone! (And now I realize I could've used the external webcam for this, but ehh, whatever. xD 

      Basically just me doing silly things on the Warthog on Halo CE. :3

    • Finnish Friday: A Text From Mom

      1 year ago


      So hi there! :D I promised a video, so here's one. There's a lot of unrelated babbling, but yep, that's me and I'm reading out a text message my mom sent me. (Video has subtitles, so put those on!) Nothing too personal, she just announced me (OUT OF THE BLUE) that she and stepdad are coming over tomorrow. 

      And now to go cleaning around...

    • Sooooo - Update

      1 year ago


      I CAN HAS MY PLAYLIST AGAIN. Thanks to whomever made this possible. ^w^


      So basically YouTube is unavailable in Finland right now, well, music videos because of some copyright licence issues with our Teosto. Even the Finlandia hymn has been 'removed' & foreign bands like Metallica too  give the always nice 'this video is unavailable in your country'. Since Spotify doesn't let me log in, this has pretty much ruined my morning / afternoon.

      Haven't opened the laptop today, on there I could've got Opera. Or if I knew shit about VPN / proxies. But for my phone? No feckin clue. 

      Twitter hashtags trending in Finland about this so far: #teosto, #teostogate, #fuckteosto.

    • Zeit Tries to Date, part 2

      1 year ago


      Soooo I might go see someone on Sunday. Maybe. [¬º-°]¬ I've been feeling sick on and off, and he just told me today he's got similar issues. 

      Alsooooo I told mom about having joined Tinder and then I told her (read: whined to her) how dudes around my age look so dang old.

      Her killer response was, "Sweetie... Only 3 years and you will be 30 yourself."


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