Things have been tough for me lately, and holding on seems like a distant answer. I'm not happy right now. I wish things were better for me,I wish i was happy right now. Everyday getting up seems like nuisance, I dont want to but i have to. Going to work is dreadful, I dont talk to anyone there i dont consider anyone a friend really, I hate having breakdown at work, where it feels like everything is falling apart. No one knows that this feels like inside. I go home and i just want to be left alone. I wear long sleeves in the summer to hide scars on my arm. i go to work with dried blood on the insides of my sleeves. I hate being a bother to people, i really thought this were gonna be a lot better by now...... im really trying to hold on to something here...i feel like im having a mental breakdown. people dont understand what its like to hear voices, and to see stuff. its terrible. goodnight people
2 months agozuniga57
This to me is a place where i can post anything about myself, without the fear of being judged by anyone...
My Bee, I'm so happy for you..
I wish that we could be two strangers meeting again for the first time.
I remember staying up all night just to talk to you, until you feel asleep.
I could tell stories of everything we would do, all the funny stuff that happened and all the serious things.
The way we would say hello to each other for a few minutes on the phone, cause i like the way i said it. "Hello." That was my favorite thing to say to you. It made me so happy. I remember when it snowed it here, in south texas! We went into the yard like two people in love playing in the snow, taking pictures.
Ill post more "shorts" when I'm feeling better
7 months agozuniga57
This is meant as my "shorts"..
Bee and I are in the break-room at work, and I ask her if she wants to come over for dinner that night. She asks me what are we having. I tell her that my mother made chicken with rice if shes interested. she asks me is it chicken with rice or chicken and rice she tells me there is a difference. I laugh and I tell her that I know that one time they made chicken with rice one night and that I was mad that they did that, but I assured her that its going to be chicken and rice. She smiles and tells me okay lets have dinner.Work goes on as usual nothing to special happens between us. We get out of work and she takes us home in her car. Dinner is still being cooked when we get there, so Bee is talking to mother like they would usually do. Every now and again me and her would head to my room to lay down a little bit and talk. Sneaking in a little kiss here and there. Time comes to eat, me and her head to the kitchen we see Michael already eating at the table. While Bee and I are making our plates my mother tells Michael to go eat on the couch so that we can sit at the table cause we only have three chairs. Mom sits at one end of the table Bee sits in the Middle and I sit at the other end. A little chit chat happens during dinner just asking questions about her. A very important detail is that we eat that dinner with tortillas as like spoons in a sense. Dinner continues were at the end of our plates, and I see Bee look back at the stove at the tortillas thinking about getting another one for herself. But instead she grabs mine out of mine hand that I was about to use. She uses it for her last little bit that she had left, and hands it back to me, smiling so big that I just smile back at her. I look at my mother and she is staring at me like what just happened but she smiles cause she notices that i was smiling that this happened. We go back to the room and were talking about what just happened and she tells me that it was easier to do that instead of getting a whole new one. She tells me that she noticed my mom looking at me like surprised. That she liked that.
This is the Moment that I knew that I loved her.
This probably isn't gonna get anywhere but thats fine by me. I always told her that if I were to ever write anything i would always include that scene in it...
I dont know what to do with myself anymore, I dont talk to anyone anymore, Im tired
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